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  • #31
    Originally posted by jstar View Post
    I wonder if there are any stats on the divorce rate with mixed couples? If they would follow current trends they could be 25-50%.
    I don't think that such statistics are available. However, if I look around me I would tend to agree with redsnapr. To me, divorce seems to be more the exception than the rule among perkawinan campuran. I know a bunch of mixed couples, living in Manado, elsewhere in the archipelago or abroad. To be honest, a tiny proportion only are divorced/separated. What is however true is that, among the mixed couple I know, these divorce/separation affect more female foreigner married to indonesian rather than male foreigner married to indonesian.

    About the boyfriend not knowing where the wife and kids are, I am only half surprised. It seems not to be an uncommon habit among some indonesian couple who divorce. When my wife divorced from her first husband, he disappeared (anyway, he wasn't really tanggung jawab before the divorce so you can imagine how it turned after) and neither my wife nor the kid they have had from their marriage have ever heard about him since then. It seems that I am the only one in the family who is worried about it. J., who I consider as my son, is a happy 15 years old wonderful kid who went through the divorce of his parents and the disappearance of his biological father without any trauma.

    @Melody. As you have understood, it is essential that you "clear the ground" before building any serious relationship. Make sure that a divorce is granted by an indonesian court and that the sentence is binding before doing anything. A divorce, whatever people would tell you, is very easy to organize for people REALLY willing to. I have organised and completed my wife's divorce in 6 weeks time period even though her then husband was dragging his feet to go to court.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by waarmstrong View Post
      In spite of the harsh reality PhilippeD described, Indonesians and foreign nationals do marry occasionally.
      Originally posted by redsnapr View Post
      Let me add that many of these mixed marriage couples carry a happy life together.
      I'm married with an Indonesian woman and we have two very beautiful girl.

      There is a difference between get married with someone and starting a company. I believe she must know in which situation she will be.
      When it have money in play, you can't trust anybody ~business wise~
      When you mix love with business... it can become very messy.

      Her starting point is far of the best, I would not rest on it! ...and glad to see that she don't seem to rest on it too.
      La motivation vient en se motivant ~ Motivation come by self-motivation

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      • #33
        Atlantis ,

        Thank you as always for your good advise and for sharing your own expierence....my question now is if we truly cannot locate the wife can a divorce be still be obtained...we have contacted the family they will say nothing about his wife or daughter my guess is she is in another relationship and does not want my boyfriend to mess things up....we don't want to do that we just want to get this divorce done but since I am from the U.S. and do not know Indonesian law I am at a loss of how to do this if she can't be found..In U.S. we can track them down throught Social Security records, Private Investagators etc here how do you find a needle in a hay stack so to speak.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by Melody View Post
          Atlantis ,

          Thank you as always for your good advise and for sharing your own expierence....my question now is if we truly cannot locate the wife can a divorce be still be obtained...we have contacted the family they will say nothing about his wife or daughter my guess is she is in another relationship and does not want my boyfriend to mess things up....we don't want to do that we just want to get this divorce done but since I am from the U.S. and do not know Indonesian law I am at a loss of how to do this if she can't be found..In U.S. we can track them down throught Social Security records, Private Investagators etc here how do you find a needle in a hay stack so to speak.
          The fact that she can't be found is no problem, especially since the couple is separated for some time. Just start the procedure, give the address of her family and the court will send three times a convocation to this address. If she doesn't appear in court at any of the three convocation, the divorce will be pronounced. To be honest, it's often better when the spouse can't be located and a defacto separation is proven. I have even seen in similar case as yours (separtion for a long time) lawyers advising to give a false address to make sure that the spouse wouldn't show up and speed up the procedure!

          Bear in mind that she does NOT need to be present in court for a divorce to be pronounced.

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          • #35
            In my opinion, difficulty locating his wife, could be caused by : The wife doesnt want her daughters / live to be bothered by his father or simply to prevent his husband divorce her, as she will get part of all assets when she stays in married status (including the new bought house or business, assuming they dont have prenuptial agreement).
            So I think "in absentia" divorce at pengadilan agama (court) as mentioned by Atlantis is the best option he can do to avoid the wife claiming 50% of your boyfriends assets in the future.

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            • #36
              Originally posted by Melody View Post
              Yes I have seen proof that he was married.....he said that when wife asked him to seperate he went from Jakarta to Batam to work and he worked at shipyard...he was assigned to go to sea for 6 months on his job when he tried to make contact when he came back she had moved from original house they had (so maybe she sell that house) not sure ..he has not seen his daughter since he left 4 years ago mainly because she would not allow and then he moved then she can't be found ...he has tried to ask her family however they say nothing so just not sure what is going on and need to fix this ASAP ...thank you for advise I am grateful
              Sorry to say this Melody. It all sounds a bit "ho hum" to me. If we separate from our spouse and we are all responsible members we would always do an effective "Property Settlement" and make arrangements for child visitation.

              IF legally married in Indonesia, this can become an absolute nightmare of the ex partner chooses to play games. One of my associates in Balikpapan tried many times to divorce his LEGAL wife many times over a period of some 9 years and couldn't get it done as she always went to court crying and saying that she loved him LOL. Went from Balik to Samarinda and then back to Balik again. What a nightmare.

              Don't want to be negative but try to focus on resolving the issues one by one

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              • #37
                @Atlantis that is good news....at least it is some light at the end of the tunnel...We are still making every effort to locate the wife but so far everyone is closed mouth..I want to be fair and do things as correctly as possible

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                • #38
                  @
                  Originally posted by mopai View Post
                  In my opinion, difficulty locating his wife, could be caused by : The wife doesnt want her daughters / live to be bothered by his father or simply to prevent his husband divorce her, as she will get part of all assets when she stays in married status (including the new bought house or business, assuming they dont have prenuptial agreement).
                  So I think "in absentia" divorce at pengadilan agama (court) as mentioned by Atlantis is the best option he can do to avoid the wife claiming 50% of your boyfriends assets in the future.
                  I agree we will proceed this way ..we will try to contact the family one more time then proceed the way Atlantis advise..........Do you know approximately how long this process takes to complete divorce....I know nothing is fast in Indonesia

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by bayview249 View Post
                    Sorry to say this Melody. It all sounds a bit "ho hum" to me. If we separate from our spouse and we are all responsible members we would always do an effective "Property Settlement" and make arrangements for child visitation.

                    IF legally married in Indonesia, this can become an absolute nightmare of the ex partner chooses to play games. One of my associates in Balikpapan tried many times to divorce his LEGAL wife many times over a period of some 9 years and couldn't get it done as she always went to court crying and saying that she loved him LOL. Went from Balik to Samarinda and then back to Balik again. What a nightmar
                    Don't want to be negative but try to focus on resolving the issues one by one
                    I have made a orderly list of things to do....First is the divorce as without this the rest can't even happen....and I will take onto resolve e step at a time and hopefully before I get to old we can fix this problem..

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