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  • #16
    Originally posted by dramaqween View Post
    Well, I'm not exactly pointing at certain people here but their posts has certainly make me wonder.
    So, in a thread there was someone who apparently openly stated that she was only looking for a western man, specifically Caucasian, and in another thread, there was a guy who seemed to be preferring indonesian women due to some reasons.

    So question is, if you were caucasian and or Indonesian, and you read such 'request' stating that person prefers you merely because of your race and or nationality, would you actually try to get to know that person with the intention of developing a relationship?
    well my early intention would be developing a friendship. since i would never wanted to date someone who i cant even life as my friend. So the answer is maybe, for me.
    10 step to eternity...

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    • #17
      Originally posted by SomeoneHere View Post
      well my early intention would be developing a friendship. since i would never wanted to date someone who i cant even life as my friend. So the answer is maybe, for me.
      If I was looking for someone online, and someone gave a preference and I matched that preference, absoulutely. It is really no different than saying you like blondes or brunnettes, tall or short, skinny or fat, or personality or funny most important etc. Is the fat guy that avoids the gym or most physical activity going to respond to a suitor looking for someone into sports and working out? He probably shouldn't unless he is playing long odds - 9 times out of 10 (if not 999 out of 1000) it would be a waste of both of their times. On the other hand, if the add instead said most important is that he makes me laugh - if the guy is funny he knows he at least stands a chance. In any case everything else still needs to work, but at least you get one aspect out of the way prior to sorting through everything else - whether it is physical attraction (speaking of certain physical characteristics common in a type of person) or personality (culturally speaking or otherwise) - some people simply are more attracted to certain types. There is NOTHING wrong with that. It is what it is - attraction.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by BAJakarta View Post
        If I was looking for someone online, and someone gave a preference and I matched that preference, absoulutely. It is really no different than saying you like blondes or brunnettes, tall or short, skinny or fat, or personality or funny most important etc. Is the fat guy that avoids the gym or most physical activity going to respond to a suitor looking for someone into sports and working out? He probably shouldn't unless he is playing long odds - 9 times out of 10 (if not 999 out of 1000) it would be a waste of both of their times. On the other hand, if the add instead said most important is that he makes me laugh - if the guy is funny he knows he at least stands a chance. In any case everything else still needs to work, but at least you get one aspect out of the way prior to sorting through everything else - whether it is physical attraction (speaking of certain physical characteristics common in a type of person) or personality (culturally speaking or otherwise) - some people simply are more attracted to certain types. There is NOTHING wrong with that. It is what it is - attraction.
        I think the issue for me is that I would be very suspicious of someone who said they wanted to date a Caucasian - I am skeptical that non-fetish sexual attraction is so narrow for most individuals that they can ONLY think of one race as sexy. Maybe that's just me, but I have known/seen pictures of men of many races who I find really hawwt. Sure, I'm not particularly attracted to blonds - give me a dark-headed man any day! - but the thought of writing a dating profile that excludes an entire "race" (which is a social construct anyway) is repugnant to me, not to mention foolish. (Why forgo Mr. Right because he has the misfortune to have blond hair?). I would not want to date someone who had such a narrow view of things. As I see it, a person who specifies the race they want to date is either (a) so sexually narrow-minded they don't have much in common with me; or (b) assuming that "bule" means a host of other things, like rich or prestigious. Either way, not my thing.

        So, to answer the OP's question - no, I would NOT date someone if their profile said they were looking for a bule. Yuck.

        To each his own, though. If a man out there honestly couldn't get it up because my skin is white, no matter how attractive I might otherwise be, I don't want a thing to do with him. So we never meet each other and both of us are happier that way. Win-win!
        Last edited by Puspawarna; 05-08-15, 12:43.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Puspawarna View Post
          I think the issue for me is that I would be very suspicious of someone who said they wanted to date a Caucasian - I am skeptical that non-fetish sexual attraction is so narrow for most individuals that they can ONLY think of one race as sexy......
          I know everyone is not like that, but plenty of guys (and women) are. To be clear I am not one of them - I find any beautiful woman beautiful and can be attracted to all colours and races. But I have known plenty of guys over the years that moved to a certain part of the world to be around more of their "type", and ended up meeting Ms right, now married and raising wonderful families with these women. Also plenty of horror stories - but that is just attraction and love anywhere.....

          But like you said, to each his (or her) own......

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          • #20
            TBH, I'm not really on either side of the fence. But to share some experience I thought of while following this thread:

            Some time ago, I was talking to an Indian girl and she was very adamant that she won't date/marry an Indian guy. There was some race-specific discussion on the pros and cons (I've many nice indian bros!) and if she was to post an ad, it would contain the sentence "No-Indians" which can be seen as racist, although she might not disclose her own race in the ad.
            Like someone said, its kinda hard to call someone racist against their own race.

            On the other hand, a nice asian girl just came back from 2 years of studying in UK. I asked her about her experience with white dudes there that she has enamored about to me in the past. She said it turns out, she doesn't like white guys.
            So her ad 3 years would probably have said whites preferred. It would almost certaintly now say, no-whites. =.=!

            To sum it up, I wouldn't call either of those 2 girls racists. Possibly because I know the stories behind their decisions specifically about race.
            It can be complicated, you know?

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            • #21
              I think you're all reading too much into this, Just because someone wants to invite replies from a race specific pool of people doesn't mean he or she doesn't like any other types. Maybe this girl is just curious as to dating a white guy, like I said we are drowned in choice these days and I am sure that if we could actually choose a partner like we choose our cars I am sure we wouldn't develop any particular "brand loyalty"

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              • #22
                Originally posted by ScooterIndo View Post
                I think you're all reading too much into this
                Probably. But it's definitely in my nature to recoil from something like a race preference in a dating advert - so like I said, it really is win-win. A guy who would post that is not my type and I'm not his, so we are spared each other.

                Not that I'm in the market for a date anyway. I doubt my husband would approve

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Puspawarna View Post
                  Not that I'm in the market for a date anyway. I doubt my husband would approve
                  Shame now ill have to cancel my advert for "Hot American Milf wanted - must love jogging and gamelan"

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by ScooterIndo View Post
                    Shame now ill have to cancel my advert for "Hot American Milf wanted - must love jogging and gamelan"
                    Har har. Maybe you should add "previous experience having been groped while running a plus." Then we'll know for sure who you mean.

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                    • #25
                      i will not date someone who interested in me just because of my race, ive been there, it wasnt feel nice.
                      based on my personal experience looks or race doesnt really matter for me.
                      sometime ago, i was thinking to date caucasian man because i thought i can 'runaway' with him to his country from my annoying parents, and i think mostly caucasian men are okay dating someone who is not religious, because im an agnostic...
                      i love handsome men who looks like calvin harris and all those cool celebrities but i was shallow, but the universe gave me a sign,
                      i dated some handsome caucasian men, then also very handsome asian men, i was soo nervous that i wasnt enjoy being myself in front of them because they are too awesome for me, and i was nervous i would look stupid and not good enough for them and thats not good because everyone should be comfortable being theirself with their boyfriend/girlfriend..
                      then i dated whoever that my instinct say they are good people, not based on their looks or race, i didnt expect much, but now i found my boyfriend
                      he is not that handsome like a celebrity, not having blue eyes, he is asian, very kind, hilarious and i love him.
                      Last edited by vania~; 06-08-15, 14:17.
                      [FONT=Tahoma]for my part i know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream...[/FONT]

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                      • #26
                        One time I went on a date with a guy (he's African American), and he told me that he liked me a lot because he liked big butt. It kinda insulted me that I replied him by saying I like men with thinner lips. He got upset by saying that I'm a racist blah blah blah. I asked him, why it was okay that he dates me because I have big butt, and it was not okay that I dated him anyway although I prefer guy with thin lips. He was furious that he couldn't answer my question, so I left him in the middle of the date.

                        My point is, everyone have preferences. But it is not advisable to put it in your dating profile or to say it on the first few dates. It makes you seem shallow.
                        Cheers,

                        Princess Consuela Bananahammock

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by vania~ View Post
                          i will not date someone who interested in me just because of my race, ive been there, it wasnt feel nice.
                          based on my personal experience looks or race doesnt really matter for me.
                          sometime ago, i was thinking to date caucasian man because i thought i can 'runaway' with him to his country from my annoying parents, and i think mostly caucasian men are okay dating someone who is not religious, because im an agnostic...
                          i love handsome men who looks like calvin harris and all those cool celebrities but i was shallow, but the universe gave me a sign,
                          i dated some handsome caucasian men, then also very handsome asian men, i was soo nervous that i wasnt enjoy being myself in front of them because they are too awesome for me, and i was nervous i would look stupid and not good enough for them and thats not good because everyone should be comfortable being theirself with their boyfriend/girlfriend..
                          then i dated whoever that my instinct say they are good people, not based on their looks or race, i didnt expect much, but now i found my boyfriend
                          he is not that handsome like a celebrity, not having blue eyes, he is asian, very kind, hilarious and i love him.
                          very nice to know you find you mr right Van.
                          La motivation vient en se motivant ~ Motivation come by self-motivation

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                          • #28
                            no....

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                            • #29
                              I would date a girl based on the fact that she just wanted to try "rasa bule" I am shallow like that. Back in the early days of Jakarta I actually dated a few students who really just wanted to rebel and be able to tell their friends that they were dating a bule. But seeing as I knew from the offset that really I was just the white girls equivalent of green hair or a nose ring, I didn't expect too much to come of it, and nothing ever did. Fun while it lasted.

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                              • #30
                                Scoot! This is not dating, this is taking advantage of a situation!
                                La motivation vient en se motivant ~ Motivation come by self-motivation

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