Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Preference

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Preference

    Well, I'm not exactly pointing at certain people here but their posts has certainly make me wonder.
    So, in a thread there was someone who apparently openly stated that she was only looking for a western man, specifically Caucasian, and in another thread, there was a guy who seemed to be preferring indonesian women due to some reasons.

    So question is, if you were caucasian and or Indonesian, and you read such 'request' stating that person prefers you merely because of your race and or nationality, would you actually try to get to know that person with the intention of developing a relationship?

  • #2
    Originally posted by dramaqween View Post
    Well, I'm not exactly pointing at certain people here but their posts has certainly make me wonder.
    So, in a thread there was someone who apparently openly stated that she was only looking for a western man, specifically Caucasian, and in another thread, there was a guy who seemed to be preferring indonesian women due to some reasons.

    So question is, if you were caucasian and or Indonesian, and you read such 'request' stating that person prefers you merely because of your race and or nationality, would you actually try to get to know that person with the intention of developing a relationship?
    Personally, I would not bother.

    If someone is only interested in me because of nationality or the colour of my skin (both of which, are random, by chance and don't really mean anything) then I would find that person incredibly shallow - before we had even got to know eachother.

    In other words, it would be game over before anything even began.

    Comment


    • #3
      Threads seeking friends and dates by race, ethnicity or nationality are actually against the posting guidelines. Occasionally some slip through, but here is what the forum officially has to say about it:

      [COLOR=#333333]Although we allow people to post a thread about searching for ideal partners, we prohibit the use of words such as 'bule', 'foreigner', 'white','Indonesian', 'Asian', 'Javanese' and other qualifiers that may [/COLOR]have a racial undertone[COLOR=#333333].[/COLOR][COLOR=#222222][FONT=Times][COLOR=#222222][SIZE=2][FONT=verdana]

      In addition, our PG and forum policy do not condone racism, sexist remarks, gender discrimination and religious slur. Friendship should not be based on race, gender, sexual preference or religion. Similarly, personality should matter more than any of these preferences (with the exception of sexual preference) if you look for a partner. So if you want to look for partners or friends with all these characteristics, please go to www.ukcupid.com, www.match.com and other dating sites. Believe us, they do more fantastic job than us in facilitating your sexual and love interests.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT][/COLOR]
      Here's a link to the sticky: http://www.livinginindonesiaforum.or...rsonal-Channel
      Last edited by Puspawarna; 29-07-15, 12:02.

      Comment


      • #4
        Personally I see no issue with this and I see no reason to attack people requesting a certain "type". Someone can have a "base" type that (from their own personal experience) they tend to be more attracted to. Could have to do with race or nationality, or physical or other factors. Some tall woman might say she is looking for a tall man (because she knows from experience that she doesn't feel comfortable dating a man that is shorter). Or a man might be seeking a "fit" woman because he knows from experience that he is turned off by women that are overweight. On non-physical traits......maybe someone had good experiences dating a certain nationality or race or religion and bad experience with others?

        If someone knows themselves what they are typically attracted to or what seems to work better for them, for whatever reason, why not seek that out? Obviously for a real relationship to develop more than the "initial" factors are necessary - but that is the purpose of the meeting and getting to know phase (from both sides). It doesn't mean that an Indonesian woman seeking an expat man (as an example, or anyone seeking any type) will automatically have a serious relationship with any expat man that contacts her (well there may be some cases with ulterior motives but then that is for him to figure out). It also doesn't mean that she can never meet an Indonesian man at the market or in line at the coffee shop and find herself attracted and start something.

        With dating/searching requests, they are merely playing the odds and starting with a subset that they know meets their experiential preferences. They just think the odds are "higher" to start with what they "know they like" and figure that if the other elements are there it will be a higher chance of success.

        We can force (through law and regulations) or have strong views (in society) that equality in treatment for certain things are necessary/appropriate/right etc. But sorry ladies and gentlemen, you simply can't force equality in love and relationships - it is an automatic part of human nature. If someone likes a particular type of person, by all means look for that particular type of person and hope you find love (or whatever you are looking for if not looking for love). Maybe you will even find it with a different type of person - when you weren't looking......

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by BAJakarta View Post
          Personally I see no issue with this and I see no reason to attack people requesting a certain "type". Someone can have a "base" type that (from their own personal experience) they tend to be more attracted to. Could have to do with race or nationality, or physical or other factors. Some tall woman might say she is looking for a tall man (because she knows from experience that she doesn't feel comfortable dating a man that is shorter). Or a man might be seeking a "fit" woman because he knows from experience that he is turned off by women that are overweight. On non-physical traits......maybe someone had good experiences dating a certain nationality or race or religion and bad experience with others?

          If someone knows themselves what they are typically attracted to or what seems to work better for them, for whatever reason, why not seek that out? Obviously for a real relationship to develop more than the "initial" factors are necessary - but that is the purpose of the meeting and getting to know phase (from both sides). It doesn't mean that an Indonesian woman seeking an expat man (as an example, or anyone seeking any type) will automatically have a serious relationship with any expat man that contacts her (well there may be some cases with ulterior motives but then that is for him to figure out). It also doesn't mean that she can never meet an Indonesian man at the market or in line at the coffee shop and find herself attracted and start something.

          With dating/searching requests, they are merely playing the odds and starting with a subset that they know meets their experiential preferences. They just think the odds are "higher" to start with what they "know they like" and figure that if the other elements are there it will be a higher chance of success.

          We can force (through law and regulations) or have strong views (in society) that equality in treatment for certain things are necessary/appropriate/right etc. But sorry ladies and gentlemen, you simply can't force equality in love and relationships - it is an automatic part of human nature. If someone likes a particular type of person, by all means look for that particular type of person and hope you find love (or whatever you are looking for if not looking for love). Maybe you will even find it with a different type of person - when you weren't looking......
          The real issue, as noted in the sticky, is that the Forum is not a dating site. Ergo, we can have standards that allow us to meet Forum goals without permitting racial/national/ethnic discrimination. If this were a dating site, then yes, I would personally think it would be appropriate to allow people to state race preferences. But it's not.

          Also, the "I wanna date a bule" thread generally turn into trainwrecks. There are a number of them in our archives.

          And you know, the Forum is promoting the opportunity for "finding [love] with a different type of person" with its rules.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Puspawarna View Post
            The real issue, as noted in the sticky, is that the Forum is not a dating site. Ergo, we can have standards that allow us to meet Forum goals without permitting racial/national/ethnic discrimination. If this were a dating site, then yes, I would personally think it would be appropriate to allow people to state race preferences. But it's not.

            Also, the "I wanna date a bule" thread generally turn into trainwrecks. There are a number of them in our archives.

            And you know, the Forum is promoting the opportunity for "finding [love] with a different type of person" with its rules.
            Interesting point - I just went and checked and the sticky in a "personals/dating" section of the forum does in fact state that - but I had never seen it since I do not use this site for dating. But I did also just re-review the forum posting rules and they do not prohibit it, and in fact they contain a rule against the attacks on people that are posting dating preferences (bold added):

            This is a short list of things that may lead to deletion of your posting, infractions, the banning of your profile or any other decision unanimously agreed by the moderation team:
            • Any sexist, hateful, and other offensive postings including an attack or disparagement of people based on their race, gender, sexual preference, creed, religious beliefs, tradition and customs, dating preference, and marital choice, etc.


            In any case, to me it actually seems a bit silly to have a personals/dating section and then prohibit people from posting their preferences. Maybe its just my opinion but I also do not think it is racist for someone to express a preferred type of person they want to meet to explore a relationship - you are actually saying you like that race or nationality and are interested in them so how is that racist? Because it is racist against every other race or nationality? Perhaps it would be considered a racist undertone if someone said on this forum they are looking for anyone of any race or nationality EXCEPT a certain race or nationality, unless of course the poster is actually that race or nationality they want to exclude (because I don't think you can be accused of being racist against your own race - well I guess you can but I don't think it is reasonable).

            Comment


            • #7
              It depends. We all know when there are pictures on dating sites and offline people go for certain physical features. This can include race. Although I do not think that is a positive thing to finding a match, people do it.

              Life is short, if people want to date and experience being with a person from another culture, I see no harm in that. We are all individuals, but we are influenced by the cultures and societies we come from. I would probably have more in common with Americans of other races than I would with people of a similar complexion from the other side of the world.

              I think I posted this for one thread already, but some people that state preferences like race are actually shortcutting or mistranslating they find certain different cultural traits attractive. I don't have a problem with that.

              Some posters just want a half race child or some perverse ideas about social status. That I don't particular like.

              It is hard to see what the motivation is for the preference.

              So I guess for me, it depends on why.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by BAJakarta View Post

                In any case, to me it actually seems a bit silly to have a personals/dating section and then prohibit people from posting their preferences.
                Speaking as a former mod ... it's more complicated than a lot of people realize. The owners/administrators/moderators are sensitive to issues that are not obvious to those of us who simply pass through the forum without having to worry about "the big picture."

                As I understand it (and I could be wrong; I'm certainly not speaking in any official capacity), the "personals" section was created in an attempt to quarantine posts that otherwise would clutter up the rest of the forum. It's impossible to stop random people from signing up for LIIEF and posting things that may or may not fit with the ideals of the forum creators. Inevitably, there will be people who come here only to find a date. That being the case ... maybe it is better to have a channel in which those posts could be made (or moved by mods).

                Hopefully, the "personals" section can serve as a place to put all those posts - while letting other corners of the forum operate according to the vision of the forum founders. That vision never included being a dating site, and people shouldn't mistake it for such despite the presence of a "personals" channel.
                Last edited by Puspawarna; 30-07-15, 08:05. Reason: language precision

                Comment


                • #9
                  Proper organization of a Forum is definitely a must. I too am an ex-mod, but of another site from long ago so I can relate.

                  Like BAJakarta, many do not come for the personals, myself included, and do not actually go there often if at all. It basically takes all these potential spams (like in General or Where to find) and gives a place for ppl to post away from the more general sub-forums, making it less cluttered and not look "cheap".

                  I was actually surprised at the 4 Jobs sub-forum and its complicated "for expats" "for locals seeking jobs" "for companies seeking..." and thought it was odd for so specific a group of sub-forum, but after a month I kinda understood as I didn't wanna wade thru un-related posts.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Why not order what you want ?? In an ideal world we would all be able to order the sort of fantasy girl we wanted (for more than a short time call out) and all be married or in relationships with big titted blondes - after all in this age of choice we expect to be able to pick and chose everything, we are absolutely drowned in choice for every aspect of our lives, long gone are the days of the Henry Ford "any colour you like" mentality. So why is it any surprise that some people hope to apply this to their search for a potential life partner ??

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by dramaqween View Post
                      Well, I'm not exactly pointing at certain people here but their posts has certainly make me wonder.
                      So, in a thread there was someone who apparently openly stated that she was only looking for a western man, specifically Caucasian, and in another thread, there was a guy who seemed to be preferring indonesian women due to some reasons.

                      So question is, if you were caucasian and or Indonesian, and you read such 'request' stating that person prefers you merely because of your race and or nationality, would you actually try to get to know that person with the intention of developing a relationship?
                      Quite easy to answer.
                      Do I will be interested in someone who's interest in my is nothing more than my nationality? Hell no!

                      Do the physical appearence is a main factor for willing to know more someone? Yes
                      But their is a huge step in between being interested in someone solely because is is part of a group and starting to know someone after being attracted to him/her for whatever reason it is.
                      La motivation vient en se motivant ~ Motivation come by self-motivation

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by ScooterIndo View Post
                        Why not order what you want ?? In an ideal world we would all be able to order the sort of fantasy girl we wanted (for more than a short time call out) and all be married or in relationships with big titted blondes - after all in this age of choice we expect to be able to pick and chose everything, we are absolutely drowned in choice for every aspect of our lives, long gone are the days of the Henry Ford "any colour you like" mentality. So why is it any surprise that some people hope to apply this to their search for a potential life partner ??
                        Scoot, you make me laugh!
                        The sentence of Henry Ford was an answer to his son who want more choice of color. The full sentence he said is "they will got any color they want, until they want black".
                        Ford didn't offer choice of color for a while only black was available.

                        ... The opposite of what you want to said!!!

                        :P
                        La motivation vient en se motivant ~ Motivation come by self-motivation

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Is it a sign that's there's an ad beside the op's thread that says - Find the Asian girl of your dreams, with a very attractive busty Asian girl in it?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Targeted marketing at its finest.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by PhilippeD View Post
                              Scoot, you make me laugh!
                              The sentence of Henry Ford was an answer to his son who want more choice of color. The full sentence he said is "they will got any color they want, until they want black".
                              Ford didn't offer choice of color for a while only black was available.

                              ... The opposite of what you want to said!!!

                              :P
                              The Henry Ford mentality of "any colour you like", (as long as you want black) means no choice available.
                              And I also said long gone are the days of the Henry Ford mentality meaning we have so much more choice now.

                              So we have said exactly the same thing -

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X