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  • Help : divorce between foreigner and Indonesian

    [COLOR=#333333]Hi everyone,
    [/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333]I need help about divorce things.[/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333]Im a french woman, I got married to my Indonesian husband in 2010 and we have 1 kid.[/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333]The marriage was legal, muslim marriage and recognize in France as well.[/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333]After I found his adultery 2 years ago, I don’t want to be with him anymore and want to divorce. Some others things also as violence, threats and lake of respect.[/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333]Im going to start the divorce process in France in order to have my child custody but my lawyer told me if the divorce is done in France, it won’t be recognize in Indonesia and I will have to divorce also in there.[/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333]My problem is that i want to continue to live in Indonesia, and I’m engaged in an other relationship right now which can’t be “official” (friends, family of my boyfriend) as Im still married. And maybe I will marry again, who knows.[/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333]In case my husband won’t accept the divorce, can I divorce without his help here in Indonesia as a foreigner? I ask that because I know its full of corruption…Can my husband pay the KUA to refuse my demand? As i guess if I go there alone, to ask that, they will contact him (everybody knows everyone).[/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333]One of my friend from Swiss divorced in Swiss in 2004 and her Indonesian husband only had to translate the judgment in bahasa to be divorced and he got married again. He didn’t have to divorce again in Indonesia.[/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333]Im bit lost and dont really know what to do… I just want to get out of this and be free..![/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333]Thanks for your help.[/COLOR]

  • #2
    If you are residing in Indonesia, I think it is easier to divorce here. Where is your location? I have a friend who divorce in Germany and has to go through complicated red tape for her divorce to be recognized.

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    • #3
      The difficult thing about Muslim marriages in Indonesia as some guy who was a married cheater told me, is that both sides had to agree to the divorce (or something like that?) and it is especially difficult for the woman to file for divorce, as it needs to be approved by the Ministry of Religion.

      However, if you have legitimate proof of his adultery or violence (maybe texts he's sent to you where he admitted to doing so, or where you both chatted about it, etc?) Then you can make your case to the judge. Hopefully you do have some of these.

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      • #4
        Im residing in France now but plan to move back to Indo soon and live there.
        Did your friend could get her divorce recognized finally after all the complicated things or not at all? Even its long and complicate, I’m willing to do it as divorce in Indonesia could be very hard if my husband refuse..

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        • #5
          Both have to agree? So if my husband do not agree I’m done..As a woman and foreigner..

          I dont have proof anymore of his adultery as i delete all the messages that I found. I can make him speak (write) about that so i can keep it as a proof.
          About violence and threat, a member of my family is witness but as he is foreigner as well, is it ok? All indonesian who were witness will follow my husband for sure and do not support me.
          I have a report about these violence done in French embassy in JKT. But will the KUA or pengadilan agama will accept that?

          Im feel desperate..

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Terima kasih View Post
            e.
            I have a report about these violence done in French embassy in JKT. But will the KUA or pengadilan agama will accept that?
            PA will accept the testimony of any witnesses (two at least) who are ready to testify in court concerning these violence. If on top of that you have any document from an hospital/doctor attesting that tou have been the victim of violence, your divorce should be rather easy and fast. A report which would have been filled to the Indonesian Police at the time the violence allegedly occurred would be a serious plus.

            I believe that you have a much better potential case with "violence/KDRT" than you have with "adultery". Judges may be more lenient with the former than the latter, especially if they are males.

            At no time let anyone in court know that you plan to remarry or that you are engaged in a relation.

            Divorce are not as difficult to deal with as some seem to think it is. Everyday in Indonesian Pengadilan Negeri (for non Muslim) and Pengadilan Agama (for Muslim) cases of divorce are adjudicated. The fact that you are a foreigner may make it a bit more costly but is no big deal.
            Last edited by atlantis; 16-08-15, 09:56.

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            • #7
              Addit: I would need to check the KUHPer (le code civil Indonesien) but you can't legally remarry before a certain laps of time following a divorce (typically it is anything in between 9 months to a year for obvious possible filiation related problems). Remarrying before this laps of time may be a cause of cancellation for a future marriage. It is something to keep in mind if your future ex husband is of the "pain in the neck troublemaker" type.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Terima kasih View Post
                Both have to agree? So if my husband do not agree I’m done..As a woman and foreigner..

                I dont have proof anymore of his adultery as i delete all the messages that I found. I can make him speak (write) about that so i can keep it as a proof.
                About violence and threat, a member of my family is witness but as he is foreigner as well, is it ok? All indonesian who were witness will follow my husband for sure and do not support me.
                I have a report about these violence done in French embassy in JKT. But will the KUA or pengadilan agama will accept that?

                Im feel desperate..
                Hi, if you could make him speak about it while recording it secretly, it would be a good evidence. Also, it would really help if you hire a top-notch lawyer and make sure your husband doesn't get one lol.

                Actually I have to disagree with someone's statement here that said divorce is not difficult. Since your marriage was a Muslim marriage this is what makes it difficult, especially since you are the woman. I am not being negative here, I just do not want to get your hopes up that a Muslim divorce is a breeze, no it is not easy, it is difficult, costly and takes a lot of time, but it can be done. It only takes a simple Google search of 'menceraikan suami yang tidak mau cerai' to back up my statement. If both sides would like the divorce, it is easy, but it is the case of a one-sided divorce that is difficult.

                Lastly, if you really want to get rid of that guy, knowing Indonesia, there is always someone you can bribe, my advice is if it comes to it don't be too proud for it, it will make your life easier :P

                Also do not mention that you already have a romantic interest at anytime to the court, not even to your lawyer if you can help it.​ May I also ask whether you married into Muslim for the sake of marrying, or did you actually want to be a mualaf?

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by schmoxie View Post
                  I just do not want to get your hopes up that a Muslim divorce is a breeze, no it is not easy, it is difficult, costly and takes a lot of time, but it can be done. It only takes a simple Google search of 'menceraikan suami yang tidak mau cerai' to back up my statement.
                  Something more serious than only a simple google of menceraikan suami yang tidak mau cerai... Mahkamah Agung.

                  Clicking on the link would lead anyone to ten of thousands of divorce decision taken by the 388 Pengadilan Agama of the Nation. Some where the pemohon was the husband, others were the pemohon was the wife. It is pretty interesting to read the decisions and the motivation of the judges. I doubt that you would find any decision where it has been refused the divorce to a wife who had to deal with proven domestic violence.

                  You may also note that quite a few of the penggugat/terguggat were petani, PRT, pedagang, ibu rumah tangga...etc, not exactly the kind of people who can easily deal with a costly, lengthy and difficult divorce.

                  Be it a muslim or a non muslim divorce, it isn't difficult to divorce as long as the reason for the divorce are serious and can be documented. Domestic violence/KDRT, in all cases, are a serious reason which will have the judges taking the right decision, be they Muslim or not.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by schmoxie View Post
                    Lastly, if you really want to get rid of that guy, knowing Indonesia, there is always someone you can bribe, my advice is if it comes to it don't be too proud for it, it will make your life easier :P
                    For your information, Livinginindonesiaforum.org do not condone any form of corruption and forbids any user to promote or advise any form of corruption. Bribing is illegal and the cancer of the Nation. It should never be the solution. Thanks to keep this in mind in the future when you post.

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                    • #11
                      Thanks. Unfortunately I didn’t report it to hospital or police even the embassy asked me to do it as in the city where we lived, he knows a lot of people and I was scared someone can tell him my actions (specially in police where he knows lot of people!). So I just managed to go report to jakarta to the french embassy.
                      The witnesses are my family but I doubt they want to come back to Indonesia to report as they got trauma and dont want to come again in the country.
                      So I will be alone without witnesses and just my report. Can I have chance?

                      Yes I won’t tell Im engaged in an other relationship. I know even its very unfair. My husband is already engaged in an other relationship, he is the one who cheat and treat me bad but I must show that I am 100 “clean” to get the right to divorce…That is Indonesia also…

                      Thanks Atlantis.

                      Maybe you can answer that : I will start anyway the divorce process next month in France so the court in France will be the first court who will start this divorce. In order to have the custody or shared custody. After that, depend if my husband agree to divorce also in Indonesia (faster and easier for me!!) or not, I will also ask the divorce in Indonesia.
                      2 courts for the same divorce, is that ok? No problems? i will ask my lawyer also when i will meet her next month. Think about taking a lawyer here in Indonesia. I dont have much money, hope they will not charge me more because I am a “bule”..

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                      • #12
                        Yes no problem, I don’t have any plan to remarry yet, my relationship didn’t go that far.. The most important, I get my freedom back first.

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                        • #13
                          Yes that makes me really desperate..But if I can get rid of my husband finally its the most important.

                          I will check on google about “[COLOR=#333333]menceraikan suami yang tidal may cerai’"..

                          I enter Islam because i wanted to, not to get married. I read before that to [/COLOR]
                          [COLOR=#333333]cancel a marriage, its possible that I send a letter to KUA to say that I dont want to be muslim anymore. And my marriage will be automatically cancelled. But I’m scared after that I can’t masuk islam lagi ..If yes, if after that I can convert again, I will do it !![/COLOR]

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Terima kasih View Post
                            Yes no problem, I don’t have any plan to remarry yet, my relationship didn’t go that far.. The most important, I get my freedom back first.
                            Just a quick note. In your first post you said you were "engaged" in another relationship and now you say that you don't have any plan to remarry yet. Your readers got confused because they assumed you were already "fiancée" with someone else which doesn't seem to be the case. "to be engaged" in English and in this context means "être fiancée" but I think you only meant that you were just in a relationship with no intent to marry (yet).

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                            • #15
                              Yes exactly, it’s what I wanted to say.
                              Sorry for my english, Im French

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