Hello,
I am Danny from the Netherlands and i am married with an Indonesian.
I have met a lot of expats who have similar/worse experiences as me, in a slightly different way or without children.
The thing is, she was pregnant, that was the reason i got married with her, otherwise the child will get a stamp on the birth certificate saying "Lahir luar nikah" (Born without marriage).
Well in Holland, the government does not give a child that stamp. And the child will be grow up in a normal way.
We already did not match and I did not want to marry with her.
Again it was only done for the child and she did not want to do abortion.
I could just go away and not take my responsibility. But I took my responsibility for my first child.
I paid for all since I met her, since she has no money at all. She is from a kampong in Yogyakarta.
Also you need to marry with a religion. Since i had no religion i become protestant in this case. A lot of bureaucratic stress.
Now when the child is born, her and her family are not allowing me to even be with the child or to take the child to Holland, since I know, she will get a much better education and facilities there. They only allow me to pay and send my money. In which I always did. But I get no appreciation, but only attacks back.
Since I cannot handle their way of raising my kid also. They are strangers.
Parents in law can’t even speak normal Indonesian, just Javanese and no English. I do not want my kid to grow up in a Javanese culture.
Small list when she was pregnant:
- Pregnancy + vaccinnation my daughter 15 million.
- Food/pempers trolleys, carrier, milk since she is born 7 million
- Your AC, washing buck for the baby, microwave, washing machine, teak wooden table, couch, TV, closet17 million
- Rent 80 million
- your motor cycle : 15 million,
- your laptop: 5 million
- your phone’s: 4 million + 5 million
- food, hospital care etc: 20 .
- Car 60 million until now paid (credit monthly payment, which I stopped)
228 Million and she needs more and demanding it all the time.
Now, we are married with a prenup agreement. Now I am only thinking about the best of the kid. She is clearly using my kid as a negotiation tool to get more money.
Any experience or advice in what would be the best to do?
Should I go to the police and will they help? I am now in Jakarta, since in Yogyakarta, they police is following culture too much, so I would not know if they could help me. Or should I go straight to the lawyer and make a case?
I learned that I can’t just take the baby from the mother. Well in this case it’s not good for the baby.
Couple of things:
- She has no work, no money.
- She does not give breast milk, just bottled milk. since it is not created
- The baby is 4 months old.
Thanks for any advice,
Danny
I am Danny from the Netherlands and i am married with an Indonesian.
I have met a lot of expats who have similar/worse experiences as me, in a slightly different way or without children.
The thing is, she was pregnant, that was the reason i got married with her, otherwise the child will get a stamp on the birth certificate saying "Lahir luar nikah" (Born without marriage).
Well in Holland, the government does not give a child that stamp. And the child will be grow up in a normal way.
We already did not match and I did not want to marry with her.
Again it was only done for the child and she did not want to do abortion.
I could just go away and not take my responsibility. But I took my responsibility for my first child.
I paid for all since I met her, since she has no money at all. She is from a kampong in Yogyakarta.
Also you need to marry with a religion. Since i had no religion i become protestant in this case. A lot of bureaucratic stress.
Now when the child is born, her and her family are not allowing me to even be with the child or to take the child to Holland, since I know, she will get a much better education and facilities there. They only allow me to pay and send my money. In which I always did. But I get no appreciation, but only attacks back.
Since I cannot handle their way of raising my kid also. They are strangers.
Parents in law can’t even speak normal Indonesian, just Javanese and no English. I do not want my kid to grow up in a Javanese culture.
Small list when she was pregnant:
- Pregnancy + vaccinnation my daughter 15 million.
- Food/pempers trolleys, carrier, milk since she is born 7 million
- Your AC, washing buck for the baby, microwave, washing machine, teak wooden table, couch, TV, closet17 million
- Rent 80 million
- your motor cycle : 15 million,
- your laptop: 5 million
- your phone’s: 4 million + 5 million
- food, hospital care etc: 20 .
- Car 60 million until now paid (credit monthly payment, which I stopped)
228 Million and she needs more and demanding it all the time.
Now, we are married with a prenup agreement. Now I am only thinking about the best of the kid. She is clearly using my kid as a negotiation tool to get more money.
Any experience or advice in what would be the best to do?
Should I go to the police and will they help? I am now in Jakarta, since in Yogyakarta, they police is following culture too much, so I would not know if they could help me. Or should I go straight to the lawyer and make a case?
I learned that I can’t just take the baby from the mother. Well in this case it’s not good for the baby.
Couple of things:
- She has no work, no money.
- She does not give breast milk, just bottled milk. since it is not created
- The baby is 4 months old.
Thanks for any advice,
Danny
Comment