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  • Alia
    replied
    I bet he's typing while drinking that whisky.

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  • Jaime C
    replied
    Originally posted by waarmstrong View Post
    Agreed Jaime. I wonder if using the queen's English would make any difference, though.
    Perhaps you're right. I was trying to be a bit nice, though.

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  • waarmstrong
    replied
    Originally posted by Jaime C View Post
    Typing like you are in a chat room, or texting someone, makes your post quite difficult to understand.
    Agreed Jaime. I wonder if using the queen's English would make any difference, though.

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  • Jaime C
    replied
    Originally posted by bundyrum View Post
    well it's different marrying a village girl to a family well off....if u marry u will have to become Moslem..as I don't think the family will let her change...u can do it o/s but that creates problems...and live a long way from them ..lol...they all got mobiles..my wife gets rung everyday...but luckily her Mum is well off..so they r nice to me..even when I'm the only 1 drinkn beer or whisky out of 50 of us ..lol.they know I look after her.and r happy she is married..omg..g/kids..I think is next.I already have 5 g/kids..lol.t/c ..cheers..but yes get to know all for a year or 2..
    Typing like you are in a chat room, or texting someone, makes your post quite difficult to understand.

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  • bundyrum
    replied
    well it's different marrying a village girl to a family well off....if u marry u will have to become Moslem..as I don't think the family will let her change...u can do it o/s but that creates problems...and live a long way from them ..lol...they all got mobiles..my wife gets rung everyday...but luckily her Mum is well off..so they r nice to me..even when I'm the only 1 drinkn beer or whisky out of 50 of us ..lol.they know I look after her.and r happy she is married..omg..g/kids..I think is next.I already have 5 g/kids..lol.t/c ..cheers..but yes get to know all for a year or 2..

    Leave a comment:


  • strider_ani
    replied
    Thanks for the comments guys. Maybe I shouldn't have put marriage as the topic header. I was more interested in finding information about Indonesian culture, but I love any kind of discussion so it's all good.
    Concerning this whole age thing, to be honest I haven't really gien it much thought. At least when looking at it from her angle. I actually had a discussion with her about marriage and she wants to get married in around 4-6 years which is way to long for me. I can understand what you guys are saying though. For myself, I am thinking about this cerebrely(?), it's not like I'm going to marry her the first trip I go to see her. But I don't want to waste both me and her's time, effort and hearts with a long distance international relationship if marriage is not at the end of the path.

    For me, I have yet to say the big 3 words in any relationship as well as her. The first trip will be the most important, and will answer a lot of questions and settle a lot of expectations for both of us. But I need to wait until then.
    Concerning the hypothetical daughter, it would all depend on the boyfriend. Like your son and his gf, although you would much rather he look around a bit, it's not as if you'd object to the relationship if it did happen to get super serious.
    I think she's had boyfriends before but I don't think they where anything serious. I've been in one serious relationship already and I know what it's like. No doubt, this one will have a lot of problems but isn't that the point? To get through them and have a better relationship for it?

    The details about her coming here and what she's gonna do and all the rest of it are minor details for me at the moment. I mean even some of my relatives are telling me things like "how will she work here? What she going to do? Where will she stay? bla bla bla." No doubt these are important questions but I don't think they should be answered just yet. I just want to focus on the important stuff first. So I'm filled with much anticipation on my trip and hope things go as smothely as these things can go. haha.
    Last edited by strider_ani; 23-08-13, 20:57.

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  • vanuatu
    replied
    Originally posted by waarmstrong View Post
    Assumptions by young people with little experience are likely to be hormonal rather than cerebral -- leading to decisions regretted later in life.
    It's not just limited to the young or inexperienced, I've made those assumptions and decisions based on hormonal judgement over cerebral much later into life...... often with great regret.

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  • waarmstrong
    replied
    In answer to Puspa's comment: I may be a bit removed from the scene, but I suspect that most young adults, even those on the fringe of adulthood, have already played the field, probably to a greater extent than their parents realize. In that context if they are lucky enough to happen upon a potential life mate, then yes, its time for development of the relationship in depth to my thinking. But in your scenario of an 18-year-old with a first relationship (kind of unusual) and no other dating experience, I agree, its probably best not to assume that that first serious relationship is the one and only. Assumptions by young people with little experience are likely to be hormonal rather than cerebral -- leading to decisions regretted later in life.

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  • Puspawarna
    replied
    Originally posted by waarmstrong View Post
    Berlarutlarut seems to be suggesting you sleep around a bit, including multiple nationalities, before settling down. I suppose that's an option embraced by more than a few 20-something males (and females), but if you have found what appears to be a potential life-partner, exploring that relationship in depth rather than engaging in a series of superficial flings might be a better way to develop an appreciation for a chosen mate.
    It's hard to disagree with such reasonable commentary, but let me ask this...if you were the father of an 18 year old daughter, would you recommend that she concentrate on her relationship with someone (presumably the first someone ever), to the point of exploring marriage? Or would you want this hypothetical 18-year-old daughter to take things slow, and maybe get to know a variety of young men (in the non-biblical sense, I assume!) before making a choice that will last a lifetime?

    This is an honest question - perhaps you would prefer a daughter to focus on deepening a relationship with a "first love" rather than playing the field a bit more. It might also depend on the boyfriend in question, I guess (I like the girlfriend of my 15 year old so well that I'm tempted to tell him to forget ever getting to know anyone else - luckily it won't be my decision).

    However, setting aside how wonderful my son's GF is, I think I'd rather he look around more at age 18. If the relationship with the current honey is meant to be, they will come back to each other when they are a little older and wiser and better able to appreciate each other.

    ETA @ the OP: Sorry, that probably sounds condescending to you and I don't mean it that way. I got married at 23 (a relationship that is still going strong after 31 years of marriage), so I certainly don't think 22 is too young an age to get serious with someone, especially if you have had some flings already. 18 is another matter - while Indonesian culture may support the idea of getting super serious about marriage and childbearing at such a young age, I personally think it's a mistake. It's not that an 18 year old isn't an adult - she is. But she is a newly minted adult with zero prior experience at adult life. Everything she remembers is stuff that happened when she was more or less a child. At least a 22 year old has a few adult experiences and memories under their belt. (I don't intend any double entendre, or maybe I do
    Last edited by Puspawarna; 23-08-13, 15:56.

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  • bayview249
    replied
    Hi Strider,

    If it was me and you intend to live in Australia I would be applying for a Visa for her to go and then convert to a Residency situation and marriage. I can assure you that whatever happens futuristically, if everything goes "pear shaped" you and your assets are well protected under Australian Law. Here the Laws are so curly and curvy that you will never know what will happen.

    So many guys in this country end up "in more trouble than the early settlers" if there is a marriage breakdown.

    The best advice is "Hasten Slowly" !!!!!!!!!!

    Leave a comment:


  • bule1970
    replied
    Originally posted by strider_ani View Post
    Thanks for all the responses. It's great to hear lots of different views.
    Concerning the marriage part in all this, it's definitley not something I'd rush in too, though I want to find out opinions of what marriage is like married to an Indo woman.

    Of course, the main reasons for my visit to indo at the end of the year will be to spend time with and get to know my girl better and to meet her family and see what their like myself.

    I'm not wealthy at all according to Australian standards but I think she might understand that a little bit. Might need to clarify it a bit more next time we speak.

    I've also got a friend who recently married a indo girl and we've been talking quite a bit. Most of the story's are funny but nothing bad from what I've heard. (yet) He told me not to become fluent in the language because there are usually (in his family anyway) 1 or 2 nosey family members that like to drag you into their extended family issues. or at least that's what happened to him.

    The age gap isn't anything crazy. I'm 22 and she's 18. Don't think she's ready to marry just yet and neither am I tbh. Her family doesn't seem very religious either or at least not over zelous.
    btw From what area your girlfriend is coming in Indonesia?

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  • PeteD
    replied
    Originally posted by ScooterIndo View Post
    Thats typical - because as a bule in the eyes of some locals all we care about is shagging drinking beer and eating roti
    And cheese

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  • strider_ani
    replied
    I appreciate the concern but I don't want to make this about my age. I don't like having casual flings cause I've had plenty already and they arn't anything special. From the experiences Iand my family/friends have had here, finding a woman to spend your life with isn't easy no matter where you're from.

    Leave a comment:


  • waarmstrong
    replied
    Berlarutlarut seems to be suggesting you sleep around a bit, including multiple nationalities, before settling down. I suppose that's an option embraced by more than a few 20-something males (and females), but if you have found what appears to be a potential life-partner, exploring that relationship in depth rather than engaging in a series of superficial flings might be a better way to develop an appreciation for a chosen mate.

    Leave a comment:


  • Berlarutlarut
    replied
    I think being with an Indonesian lady is a treat to be saved for later in life than 22. Only when you've experienced the alternatives will you really appreciate them.

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