Reply With Quotelmfao
nice post
Joke of the day.
I thought I put this one in here to make you all smile little bit.
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .
'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'
'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
LOL ... I probably done same thing.. ;-)
Last edited by stt_cibubur; 08-09-09 at 17:55.
Multifunction Woman!
lmfao
nice post
How was i born ?
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.
There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,
and since it was too late to hit the delete button, then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
You got Male !
make sure anti virus installedOriginally Posted by wildbill
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.
There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,
and since it was too late to hit the delete button, then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
You got Male !
The oldies are the best !
A long, long time ago, an old prospector shuffled into the town of Fort Worth Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the main saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... Never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... But... I've always wanted to."
There are two lessons for us all here:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
&
2. Don't mess with old people.
I just love a story with a happy ending!
A scottish poem !!
SCOTTISH CHRISTMAS FAIRY
I am a little fairy
On tap o' the Christmas Tree
It's no' a job I fancy
Well how would you like tae be me
A tarted up wi' tinsel
It's enough to mak ye boak
An a couple o' jaggy branches
Rammed up the back o' your frock
An' these wee lights a'roon me
I canny get my sleep
An' there's the yearly visit
Fae Santa - Big fat creep!
On Christmas Day I'm stuck up here
While you're a' wirin' in
An' naebody says 'Hey you up there
Could you go a slug o' gin?
It's nae joke bein' a fairy
The job's beyond belief
You've got to go roon' the wean's beds
An' lift their rotten teeth
But o' a' the joabs a fairy gets
An' I've mentioned only some
The very worst is sitting up a tree
Wi' pine needles up yir bum
When a' the fairies meet again
By the light of' the silvery moon
Ye can tell the Christmas fairies
They're the wans that canna sit doon
The Christmas tree's a bonny sight
As the firelight softly flickers
But think o' me I'm stuck up here
Wi' needles in my knickers
So soon as Christmas time's right by
An' I stop bein' sae full o' cheer
I'll get awa back tae Fairyland
An' I'll see yous a' next year.
Your still not coming to the world cup finals We'll take the high road and you'll take the low road, and we will be in South africa before ye !!
One day Santa was having things a bit rough.
You know the thing, night is coming and you are working to a tight deadline.
This year it happened that Mrs Clause was on her 'week off' and as ratty as hell.
Santa was miffed because he wasn't getting his oats and busy with the last evening at work.
All the machines were breaking down and the new fairy was doing nothing but asking daft questions.
Santa was right up to there with his day as the elves had just started their strike ballot when that bloody fairy walked into his workshop with a large Christmas tree.
"What do you want me to do with this Santa?" she asked.
And that, boys and girls, is how the fairy ended up on top of the Christmas tree.
What a waste of money - I want my $25 back! Turns out the DVD i bought for Christmas, "Tiger Woods, my 18 favourite holes" is about golf!
Little Johnny !
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned
in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave
early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and
will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open
his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
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