Reply With QuoteYa, that's funny as hell!!
Good one !!
Ya, that's funny as hell!!
Not a joke - but pretty funny anyway (for Australians!)
Judy Rudd an amateur genealogy researcher in south east Queensland , was doing some personal work on her own family tree.
She discovered that ex-Prime Minister Kevin Rudd’s great-great uncle, Remus Rudd, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Melbourne in 1889. Both Judy and Kevin Rudd share this common ancestor.
The only known photograph of Uncle Remus shows him standing on the gallows at the Melbourne Gaol.
On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription:
'Remus Rudd horse thief, sent to Melbourne Gaol 1885, escaped 1887. Robbed the Melbourne-Geelong train six times. Caught by Victoria Police Force, convicted and hanged in 1889.'
So Judy e-mailed ex-Prime Minister Rudd for information about their great-great uncle, Remus Rudd.
Kevin Rudd's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:
"Remus Rudd was famous in Victoria during the mid to late 1800s. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Melbourne-Geelong Railroad.
Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad.
In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the Victoria Police Force. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honour when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."
PR spin at its best :-)
A golfer is playing his early morning round. He is not playing his best when he steps up to the 13th. Fires one off and he hooks it into a small copse.
He wanders over to the copse and starts looking for his ball, despairing at his bad round. He sees the ball at the foot of a very large and old oak tree. He wanders over.
As he reaches it a Gennie pops out of the tree.
"Hi I am the Gennie of the 13th fairway and anyone whose ball hits this tree on this day of the year i will grant the choice of two wishes"
"Oh says the golfer .. what are the choices"
"OK says the Gennie, I can give you the best sex life you have ever had for an entire year, OR you can have the best golf you have ever played for an entire year...... what will you take"
The guy pauses ponders his choice " I'll take the golf " says. "So be it" he claps his hands clouds of smoke and disappears back inside the oak.
The guy shrugs his shoulders takes his 7 iron, tries an impossible shot through the trees, makes it, and ends up on the green for a two putt and make his par. He is ecstatic.
All through the year he is getting better and better, wins the senior club champion, the club open champion, he is delighted. As his game gets better he suddenly realizes the year is up the following morning.
He books an early game, and eventually reaches the 13th fairway. He stands at the tee, and ponders whether with his new skills if he could hit the tree again. He drives one off and it heads straight for the copse. He hears the sound of the ball bouncing off a tree and rushes over to the old oak tree.
There at the roots is his ball, and as he approaches, clouds of smoke and the Gennie appears once more.
"Hi I am the Gennie of the 13th fairway and anyone whose ball hits this tree on this day of the year i will grant the choice of two wishes"
"Oh says the golfer .. are they the same choices"
"Yes says the Gennie, I can give you the best sex life you have ever had for an entire year, OR you can have an even better game of golf for another year...... what will you take"
Without hesitation the golfer says"give me the golf, give me the golf"
"So be it says the Gennie" claps his hands and disappears back inside the tree.
The golfer takes a pitching wedge, gives it a good swing, clears the oak, and lands on the green just short of the hole where he makes birdie.
All through the next year he wins the club championship, the county championship, people are asking him for tips, he is having a lot of fun.
Eventually however the year rolls around and he realizes once again the year will finished the following day.
He books for an early tee-off.
Upon reaching the The 13th tees one up takes his 5 wood and fires the ball off, confident that he will hit the tree once again.
Lo and behold his ball is at the bass of the tree again.
clouds of smoke and the Gennie appears once more.
"Hi I am the Gennie of the 13th fairway and anyone whose ball hits this tree on this day of the year i will grant the choice of two wishes"
"Oh says the golfer .. are they the same choices"
"Yes says the Gennie, I can give you the best sex life you have ever had for an entire year, OR you can have an even better game of golf for another year...... what will you take"
Without hesitation the golfer says"give me the golf, give me the golf"
"now wait a minute says the Gennie, this is the 3rd year and I am only allowed to grant this wish a maximum of three years
the golfer says"give me the golf, give me the golf"
"Hold on there says the Gennie, golf three years on the trot no one has ever asked for that 3 times"
the golfer says"give me the golf, give me the golf"
"You must have a pretty good sex life says the Gennie, just how often do you have sex"
The golfer is frustrated, steps back, thinks deeply and replies " oh I don't know maybe once, if I am lucky twice a week"
"THAT'S DREADFUL " says the Gennie. " i can do much better than that for you
The golfer looks him straight in the eye and retorts" well it ain't too bad for a priest"
As a stranger give it welcome.
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy
Seorang lelaki Batak sedang mengadakan perjalanan dari Jakarta ke Hawaii dengan menumpang pesawat terbang ...
Beberapa lelaki lain duduk sejajar dengannya, yaitu lelaki Jawa asli, Arab dan Amerika.
Pada jam makan siang, Pramugari menghidangkan makanan pada semua penumpang. Setelah selesai makan lelaki Batak ini memperhatikan lelaki lain yang duduk sejajar dengannya.
Pertama sekali dia lihat si orang Amerika mengeluarkan selembar uang 100 dollar Amerika, membersihkan mulut dan tangannya dengan uang itu... kemudian dibuang...
Si orang Batak terkejut... Bahh... kok kau buang uang 100 dollar mu itu?
Dengan tenangnya si Amerika menjawab (setelah diterjemahkan..) Ah, tenang saja Amerika kan kaya, masih banyak dollar!
Seterusnya dia lihat si orang Arab, selesai makan mengeluarkan sebotol minyak wangi yang (pasti) mahal... menyemprotkannya ke tangan dan dada...dan dibuang...
Si orang Batak terkejut lagi...
Bahh... kok kau buang minyak wangi mu itu? Kan masih banyak isinya?
Dengan tenang si Arab menjawab (juga setelah diterjemahkan)
Ah, tenang saja, kan Arab kaya, masih banyak minyak di sana...
Busyet, si orang Batak terkejut setengah mati. Akhirnya dia ambil lelaki Jawa disebelahnya dia lempar keluar pesawat. Kali ini lelaki Amerika dan
Arab yang terkejut...
Kenapa kamu lempar dia?
Dengan tenang si orang Batak menjawab,
Ah, tenang sazza lah, Indonesia kaya, masih banyak orang Zawa di sana...
(A Batak man is going on a trip from Jakarta to Hawaii by plane...
Several other men sat in the same row with him, a Javanese, Arab and American.
At lunch time, the attendant served food to all the passengers. After eating the Batak watched the other men who sat with him.
He watched the American use a 100 dollar bill, to clean his mouth and his hands... Afterwards he threw it away... The Batak who was amazed by this asked the American... Bahh...Why did you just throw away so much money? Calmly the American answered Ah, In America I'm rich, I still have much money!
Then he saw that the Arab was finished with his meal and took out an expensive bottle of perfume... Sprayed his hands and chest... then threw it away... The Batak man again amazed asked... Bahh... Why did you throw away your perfume? It still had much left? Calmly the Arab answered Ah, In saudi Arabia I am rich, I still can buy much expensive perfume there...
The Batak man almost died with amazement.
Then the Batak picked up the Javanese man and threw him out of the airplane. The American and Arab said with disbeleif... Why did you throw that man out of the plane?! Calmly the Batak man answered, "Ah, no problem, Indonesia is still rich with Javanese!)
Nasionalisasi Perusahaan Asing....
Look what you've gone and done!.. you've killed us all!...
If you say the word "gullible" really slowly it sounds like "oranges!" Sooo cool!!!
a guy was sitting in a restaurant, when he suddenly had the urge to fart. he looked around and found that the music is played quite loud. so he decided to fart bit by bit, according the beat of the music.
so he did what he had to do. but he also notice that some people were starring at him.
he's puzzled.
then he realized, he was using earphone
dont judge a book by its movie.
LOL.. nice 1..Originally Posted by naughtygab
I could accept failure but I can't accept not trying
Posting Permissions
Bookmarks