Arguments to tempt wife to come along...

[Missnaughty]

I understand exactly what OP mean. I met a very nice German lady (in Shanghai) who has been trailing her husband duty around the globe. She lived in middle east, south east asia, south America, North america, Eastern europe. She spoke 4 languages. She told me what a strange feeling she has living in China. She just doesn't like it here (C'mon.. think of Shanghai.. No traffic, maids, drivers, nice houses, beautiful Huang Pu River ). Then I understand, sometimes it isn't the place that is the problem or we are being a shallow minded.. it just where our heart is.
For the OP, you will not know until you get to Indonesia. You can make pro con list as long as you want, but it will not matter until you experience it yourself.

[Puspawarna]

it will not matter until you experience it yourself.

Indeed.

I lived in Mozambique for two years and did not like the country at all. But I don't for a single moment regret the experience. Now, whatever else happens to me in life, I have lived in Southern Africa, so I have a bit of a connection and understanding that I would not otherwise have. To me, that far outweighs the inconvenience of spending a short time living in a place that one doesn't like.

We can't really judge by the experience of your German friend, as we don't know how long she was forced to live in China or why she didn't like it. But it doesn't sound like she was afraid of trying out new places - and that willingness to explore the world is commendable.

[runejor]

Actually, jstar and Puspawarna, I agree with you both. Sorry if I presented this situation as an unwelcome problem. This is an unique oppurtunity, and if we were without kids we would be on the plane by now. I am convinced that I want to go, but my wife isn't 100% convinced yet and that is something that I have to respect. I have my work tasks to cover when I arrive which will keep me occupied; making 6 months pass by in a heartbeat. My wife however will have more or less full responsibility of taking care of 2 children with quite different needs, given the age difference. If it turns out to be difficult to activate children in Jakarta, the days will be long and 6 months a small lifetime...

I actually consider myself to be quite interested and curious about the world outside our comfort zone in Norway, otherwise I guess this opportunity would not arise at all. And my view on this is that we of course have to jump on it. But still, there should be 4 of us enjoying our potential stay out there in the big, scary world, not only me ;-)

[runejor]

Btw, my main argument towards my wife is "you do not regret the things you have done, but the things that you did not do." And for sure, you will not know for sure until we have actually tried it, but I figured it was worth a shot to gain some experienced feedback on this forum. After all, you guys have already tried it.

[Davita]

Good for you runejor...well documented...you will not regret! I'm envious of your potentially exciting future.

Jakarta, as you know, is not in the middle of the Borneo jungle. The international airport is only 45 mins. from the city, I went there (Sheraton) for lunch yesterday. I'd be more concerned about moving back to Norway and having to sled home.

I'm Scottish/Canadian, aged 75, and have just received a retirement visa to live in Indonesia, I sold our house and most belongings in Canada. O.K. my wife was born Indonesian, but not lived in for over 30 years....but it isn't such a difficult place to live, especially given your company's support.

I believe your 1 and 6 year old will be blessed by the experience. I also believe your wife will be so pre-occupied teaching maids/drivers/gardeners etc. how-to...... she will be the one requesting an extension.

[OomBen]

Runejor, worried about your wife taking on the task of taking care of the kids by herself? You could hire a maid/nanny. I think I may have come off a bit harsh on my post... But in any case I think you should show your wife pictures of different parts of Indonesia that she will be able to visit while being here. There is the good and the bad here, but it sounds like your company has the logistics sorted out as well as your wife. It's enough time to hit culture shock twice... Once here and once back home when you return. I just hope your kids would remember the whole experience, they are a bit young but hopefully they'd have a few life long (good) memories.

[freesia]

Hi Runejor, I can understand the importance you put on your wife's total commitment to the idea of relocation, albeit temporary. I too am married to a Scandinavian and as a family we vote on everything...where to go, when to go, etc. Plus child rearing is a bit different compared to anywhere else I have seen. The freedom of movement and security being of utmost importance.

Your wife can look at this as a sabbatical. Your eldest being (I surmise) in børnehave will easily pick up a new language (like children do) and your wife getting assistance from a nanny, as has been suggested by many, can explore Jakarta while making friends, and you as a family travel around the country - when the viking blood kicks in ;-)

6 months is not a long time if you think about it. From experience, you'll probably use 2 months to adjust, and get to know the place a bit to be able to get around freely, the next 2 months to enjoy the place, the culture and the people and the last 2 months to prepare to go back home. It would be just like going on an extended vacation.

We are normally posted 2-3 years at a time and I even find the 2 years really short to relocate a whole family. It took me 4 months to find a place to call home this time around and my living room is still full of boxes that I won't get to empty until my 6 months is up....but maybe I'm just lazy :-)

Considering all you have written above, 6 months is a good amount of time to test the waters and she can only gain from the adventure. If she finds that she really doesn't like the lifestyle then there's always the going back and forth, as has likewise been suggested, and being done by some I know within the Nordic community here.

Once you do decide to relocate, I will suggest that she take some basic Bahasa Indonesia classes before coming. It will make life a lot easier for her.

[bad_azz]

Just do it - the place is addictive, colourful, vibrant and so full of life - you will be kicking yourself for all of the doubts

[Banana72]

Thank you all for your replies.
My company caters and facilitates basically everything; apartment, insurances, travels back home, social club membership for my wife, kindergarden/school for children and is also compensating my wife's salary. My wife's company is also understanding and has granted my wife an temporary leave of absence so she does have a job to return to when she get home.

I just want to say not too many people have this kinda luxury...six months leave of absence with job-guarantee upon return? Wish I was in that type of situation!

Six months...if you didn't like it by month number 2..at least you can tough it out..knowing that it'll end in four months and you'll have an international experience to put on your resume after that.

My .02

[Pimpin]

If your wife isn't into it let it go. If she comes but isn't fully into it with you, then hates the experience, you may never live it down. Bummer in a marriage that.