Arguments to tempt wife to come along...

[runejor]

Hi guys,

I have been reading your forum for a while, and thought that it was about time to take advantage of your knowledge and helpfulness.

I am a Norwegian that has a standing offer from my company to go to Jakarta working for a period of 6 months; for me personally and professionally a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. However for this to be a reality, my wife and children that are 6 and 1 years old have to come along. My wife is concerned that going to Jakarta will quickly turn into a "golden cage" for her and the kids; an argument that I respect a lot. I believe that if my wife and children are unhappy living in Jakarta, the whole "adventure" will turn into a disaster. Does she have a valid point, or will time fly along even if she has to take care of two kids with 5 years between them?

Arguments for and against relocating myself and my family to Jakarta from you guys that actually lives or have lived there, would be very much appreciated! What to do, how to meet people, health and safety, sport and fitness, travel opportunities, etc. We will most likely be living in the Senayan-Pondok Indah-Mega Kuningan area.

Thanks a bunch in advance :-)

[wombat]

For:
- new experiences and exposure to culture, food, arts, language.
- making new friends in foreign land
- vicinity to exotic destinations in and around Indonesia: islands, blue seas, ancient sites, majestic volcanoes, diverse wildlife.
- a valuable experience to put in your CV
- you would live almost like a king with chauffer, maids, cooks, etc.
- your wife might love shopping

Against:
- coping with hot and humid weather
- coping with densely populated city and all the problems that comes with it like traffic jams, polutions, securities, poor infrastructure etc.
- Wife might not like the stares and attention she would get as a bule on the street, malls etc
- Your health might need time to adjust to local conditions or might not adjust at all
- you'd be tempted to be become an instant amateur sociologist and start analysing poverty, extreme wealth inequality, endemic corruption, poor public service, religion, hedonistic life styles, drugs problems, etc etc

[jave2001]

You could be divorced inside of 3 months.

[OomBen]

It's a big leap of faith if you've never been here before. I'm a big fan of testing the waters before plunging in. 6 months is a long time to be cooped up if you fear for your safety. It bothers me sometimes when I go out and get harassed because I'm white and my pockets are filled with money (I wish they knew my pockets were empty).

But... There's lots to see and experience here. I think in the end you'd go home feeling more thankful for what you have back home.

I don't mean to sound so negative... You'll come out of here a better person (hopefully). It's quite different from anywhere I've ever been... I can handle it and do enjoy most things here minus the obvious bad...

Malls get boring (they are EVERYWHERE here)... Find good hobbies for your family to keep them occupied. :-)

[Puspawarna]

This depends so much on individual circumstances. Would your wife be giving up a job she loves in order to accompany you? If so, I would nix the idea: it isn't fair to ask her to surrender something so important for a mere 6-month posting.

On the other hand, if her current focus is child-care, the focus shifts to how important this opportunity is for YOUR career development. If the opportunity will make a significant different to your future job prospects, it seems horribly unfair for a spouse to reject the idea just because the 6 months might be a bit difficult.

One problem I see is that 6 months is really not very long, and many people who end up adoring Indonesia do not have a very happy beginning. I am a huge fan of this country. But even I recognize that the transition can be tough. Your family might just be starting to settle in after 6 months.

A lot depends on the nature of your wife. Me - I would jump at the chance to go someplace new for six months! That's such a short period of time that I wouldn't worry if I hated it; it would be over soon. On the other hand, if I loved it: wow, what a great opportunity. But that's just my personality; others might not take that attitude.

I hope jave2001 is merely indulging in dark humor and isn't serious. I cannot imagine a loving, solid marriage where a divorce would occur after 3 months (!) simply because of a six-month move to somewhere new (assuming the trailing spouse wasn't permanently giving up important things back home, of course).

[lantern]

You may already know that there is a Nordic Club here http://nordicclubjakarta.org/ and some of the members might be able to offer advice so maybe drop them a line.

Where you live will be an important factor and the "Senayan-Pondok Indah-Mega Kuningan area" are all reasonable areas but, for example, Mega Kunningan is a long way from Pondok Indah in Jakarta's notorious traffic. In which area will you be working?

[runejor]

Thank you all for your replies.

Our concerns are solely related to us staying, living and enjoying ourselves in Jakarta. My company caters and facilitates basically everything; apartment, insurances, travels back home, social club membership for my wife, kindergarden/school for children and is also compensating my wife's salary. My wife's company is also understanding and has granted my wife an temporary leave of absence so she does have a job to return to when she get home.

Between my wife and me we have an open and honest discussion regarding this opportunity, so I do not fear a divorce ;-) We are split between "this is an opportunity that we can not turn down" and "do we dare to replace a safe and reliable life for our family with the uncertainty of moving to another country and culture".

[runejor]

@lantern; our company is currently establishing ourselves in Jakarta, so finding office location will probably be some of our first tasks to solve. The area I mentioned is mainly because we have used Hotel Mulia Senayan at our trips so far, that a colleague is already staying at Pondok Indah and that we have been recommended the Oakwood serviced apartments at Mega Kuningan.

I will try to contact the Nordic Club.

[jstar]

Eh, so it's for 6 months only and your wife gets a leave-of-absence?

What's the problem then?

Honestly, if I had your concerns, for me it would be a no-brainer: the 6 months I would go by myself*, stay in a serviced apartment in Senayan and visit the family at home 4 times during that period in long weekends (business class on SQ, easy to negotiate since the company won't have to cough up the family costs).

In general: If you and your wife have not lived abroad yet, esp. in an Asian country, it will always be a culture shock. And out of personal experience; if it would be a longer period and the spouse having to give up an appreciated job, in most cases it will be a golden cage.

[Puspawarna]

Thank you for the additional information. Based on that, I agree with jstar.

Please forgive me, because I am going to be a little blunt now (and by "blunt" I mean "rude" - for which I apologize.) Frankly, I'm having trouble understanding why this is a difficult decision for you. Are you and your wife so completely uninterested in what happens in the world beyond your comfort zone that the idea of living somewhere else for a mere six months (which is nothing - it will be over before you know it!) is that agonizing? If the decision is really that hard, maybe you should step aside and let someone who actually has intellectual curiosity about the world take the opportunity.

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm not being very nice, and I'm sorry about that. But if I could think of a way to say the same thing tactfully, I would.