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Thread: Belly Laugh.......JOKES ONLY

  1. #1
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    Post Belly Laugh.......Jokes 0nly

    Larry gets home late one night and and his wife , Linda says " where in the hell have you been ? " Larry replies " I was out getting a tattoo". A tatto ?" she frowned " what kind of tatto did you get ?" ' I got a hundred dollar bill on my private" he said proudly.

    " what the hell were you thinking ?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. " why on earth would an aacountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his private ?"

    " Well , one I like to watch my money grow. Two , once in a while I like to play with my money . Three I like how money feels in my hands and lastly , instead of you going out shopping , you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!"


    **********


    An elderly gents was invited to an old friends's home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceed every request to his wife with endearing terms such as : Honey , My love , Darling, Sweetheart , etc....

    The couple had been married almost 70 years and clearly they were still very much in love .
    while the wife was in the kitchen, the mam leaned over to his host " I think it's wonderful that after all these years , you still call your wife those loving pet names "

    The old man hung his head , sighed and said " I have to tell you the truth, her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask the old bitch what it is..."


    ***********


    A man inserted an " ad " in the classofieds : " Wife wanted " .
    Next day he received a hundred letters. The all said the same thing: " You can have mine ".


    **********

    If your Dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door , who do let in first ?
    The dog of course . He'll shut up once you let him in .


    **********

    A Blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom .
    she rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting .
    " what's up ?" she asks
    "I'm having a heart attack , cries the husband.
    The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone , but just as she's dialing he four-year-old son comes
    up and says " Mommy! mommy ! Aunty Shirley is hiding in your closet and she's hot no clothes on!"

    The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom , right past her husabd and
    rips open the closet door. sure enough there is her sister totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.

    " You rotten bastard " she screams
    " My husband's having a heart attack , and you're running around naked scaring the ....kids!!"
    Last edited by Bellycious; 05-09-10 at 18:54.

  2. #2
    Member tihzho's Avatar
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    A husband and wife are shopping. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in the trolley.

    'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

    'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans' he replies.

    'Well put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

    A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

    'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

    'It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful' replies the wife.

    Her husband retorts: 'So does a case of Budweiser at half the price!'

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