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What type of accommodation would be more suitable?

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  • What type of accommodation would be more suitable?

    I will probably live in Bandung and need to rent a place where I should have no problem bringing in my local girlfriend occasionally. I don't know if kosts or apartments have rules against this. What type of accommodation would be more suitable in this situation? I do not want to break any rules or offend anyone.

  • #2
    Atleast where my father in law lives the fact she is your girlfriend and not your wife would cause a big problem, even the local council would probably kick you out. Not only Muslims but even Christian Indonesians may not accept this. I saw a Christian lady ask for marriage license before renting her airbnb out. Her profile specifically said it was because she was a praciticing Christian. You also according to the area of the country could get in alot of trouble with police. If she is muslim and you are not just forget about it as you could be attacked. I have heard about situations like this. People would find out eventually.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by liberboy View Post
      (1) ... What type of accommodation would be more suitable in this situation?

      (2) I do not want to break any rules or offend anyone.

      (1) I would say probably , a house with a garage and high fence (which avoids people from outside to watch people inside) in a rich area where you could bring/go out with your girlfriend hidden inside a car . Or (a cheaper option) you discreetly visit her place instead (but not for sleeping a night there) .

      I guess it would be easier/safer to live together after having at least a non-official religious marriage (nikah siri) .


      (2) You will be probably breaking religious/local moral rules , but it is not a crime if she is adult & not married , as far as I know .

      Last edited by marcus; 4 weeks ago.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Shaheed Griffin View Post
        Atleast where my father in law lives the fact she is your girlfriend and not your wife would cause a big problem, even the local council would probably kick you out. Not only Muslims but even Christian Indonesians may not accept this. I saw a Christian lady ask for marriage license before renting her airbnb out. Her profile specifically said it was because she was a praciticing Christian. You also according to the area of the country could get in alot of trouble with police. If she is muslim and you are not just forget about it as you could be attacked. I have heard about situations like this. People would find out eventually.
        Does your father in law live in Bandung?

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        • #5
          I forgot to mention that my girlfriend will not spend the night with me. She will just stay a few hours, always inside the place. I figure that if I rent a unit in an apartment building, there should be no problem. I assume Bandung is probably more like Jakarta and not as conservative as other parts of the country.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by liberboy View Post
            (a) I figure that if I rent a unit in an apartment building, there should be no problem.

            (b) I assume Bandung is probably more like Jakarta

            (c) and not as conservative as other parts of the country.

            (a) Everything is possible , depending on the landlord/place's manager/security people/neighbors/ ...

            I would try looking for a house first because I think it is more value for the money (unless you want a place with swimming pool/other facilities) .


            (b) I don't know Jakarta , but I think there are many differences . For example , Jakarta is a more "busy" city , has a lot more foreigners and workers from other parts of the country (although there are probably similar residential areas in both cities) .

            (c) You are probably right . I think Bandung is becoming more and more a diverse and liberal city because of the many university students coming from other parts of the country (some end staying in the city after graduation) , the increasing number of foreign/Indonesian tourists , the increasing number of people from outside buying or renting properties , ...

            But I think that most of the old residential areas (where rent is cheaper) still didn't change much . Although in general I think people are moderate , any news usually spread quickly , and few hardliners end up knowing and taking action .

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            • #7
              Originally posted by liberboy View Post

              Does your father in law live in Bandung?
              No, my father in law lives in Bekasi. They shut down churches and other types of things there. My wife has family in Bandung and it is where alot of conservative religious scholars live. Idk if that means the locals are also conservative. I think in basically most parts of Indonesia the locals won't take very kindly to a foreigner having an Indonesian girl over if they can see it happening or find out about it. Except more liberal places like Jakarta. Even there I have heard that once a group refused to let a foreign white guy enter the movie threater with his Indonesian muslim gf. They split them up and made him leave and were threatening to hurt him. West Jakarta and suburbs are more conservative compared to the city part of Jakarta. I think overall Indonesians are becoming more conservative the more they realize Indonesian liberal Islam is not actual Islam. They see that Islam is different everywhere else so this makes them adopt the ways of Islam in stricter societies. Yes many Indonesians are liberal but more and more are becoming more religious. Marcus mentioned religious hardliners, I would say just people who care about their women being taken advantage of possibly. So this will include alot more people than just the religious. Just my thoughts.

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              • #8
                I would suggest, if you wanna get away from the increasing depressing radicalism in java and other islands , consider bali , a more peaceful choice where the pancasila is "alive and working".

                Parts of java were in the past pretty relaxed , in particular malang , not any more, you really feel like an infidel walking around that place these days ,and they want tourism ,makes me laugh ! .

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                • #9
                  Could the fact that I am Mexican (light skin, dark hair, 5'8") help me attract less attention and reduce the chances of being targeted?

                  What if my girlfriend is Christian or Buddhist? Do they also try to protect non-Muslim women?

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by tel522 View Post
                    I would suggest, if you wanna get away from the increasing depressing radicalism in java and other islands , consider bali , a more peaceful choice where the pancasila is "alive and working".

                    Parts of java were in the past pretty relaxed , in particular malang , not any more, you really feel like an infidel walking around that place these days ,and they want tourism ,makes me laugh ! .
                    Malang is full of waria and homosexuals in the open. It is one of the most liberal cities in Java probably after Jogjakarta. Atleast as far as I can tell. They hold national waria beauty pagents in Malang too. Also I wouldn't call it radicalization, it's people starting to adhere to their faith to a level they were not before. People are slowly realizing Indonesian Islam just isn't authentic. It's not only Muslims that have a problem with sex outside of marriage or homosexuality in Indonesia. I know many Christians who would refuse to rent houses to unmarried people. A catholic I know in Malang is like this.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by liberboy View Post
                      Could the fact that I am Mexican (light skin, dark hair, 5'8") help me attract less attention and reduce the chances of being targeted?

                      What if my girlfriend is Christian or Buddhist? Do they also try to protect non-Muslim women?
                      The Muslims wouldn't care what a Christian or Buddhist do unless it's their neighbor or neighborhood, or they have non Muslim family. Also as I have pointed out before it is not only Muslims that could possibly have an issue with this. Really depends how strict the locals are culturally or religiously, regardless of their faith.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by liberboy View Post
                        Could the fact that I am Mexican (light skin, dark hair, 5'8") help me attract less attention and reduce the chances of being targeted?

                        What if my girlfriend is Christian or Buddhist? Do they also try to protect non-Muslim women?
                        Also some food for thought. I would highly consider the impact you could possibly have on this girls life for doing whatever it is you intend. If your not married to her it is unfair to possibly taint her reputation for the rest of her life. If you guys broke up and she had a bad reputation after it could be hard/impossible for her to marry. So maybe just consider these things before you proceed further. It's her that could possibly suffer the consequences.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Shaheed Griffin View Post

                          Also some food for thought. I would highly consider the impact you could possibly have on this girls life for doing whatever it is you intend. If your not married to her it is unfair to possibly taint her reputation for the rest of her life. If you guys broke up and she had a bad reputation after it could be hard/impossible for her to marry. So maybe just consider these things before you proceed further. It's her that could possibly suffer the consequences.
                          I do not plan on having sex with her or anyone else. The reason for getting her into my apartment is because I don't want to offend anybody by holding her hand or kissing her lips in public. I would rather do these things in private in order to protect her reputation and for safety reasons. I appreciate your advice though.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by liberboy View Post

                            I do not plan on having sex with her or anyone else. The reason for getting her into my apartment is because I don't want to offend anybody by holding her hand or kissing her lips in public. I would rather do these things in private in order to protect her reputation and for safety reasons. I appreciate your advice though.
                            That is good you think that way, many wouldn't give it a second thought and could careless.

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