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  • Obstacles when dating a foreigners/Indonesian

    Hey how you guys doing? First of all, I'm new in here. Second, well I went for a date with this guy. I think he was nice and one of a kind since I've never come across anyone quite like him (he don't drink, or going to the club). Our date was really awkward, we didn't talk much because of the language barriers since English isn't my first language and my English went so bad 'cause I got so nervous.
    But I really enjoyed our date. I said to him that we should meet up again and he agreed and we hugged.

    I thought our so-called-first-date went well. But things changed, he doesn't call/text me back after our first date. I texted him the next day and no reply. I just don't understand why would he not just say, "stop texting me. I'm not interested with you" or something like that.

    As you can see my only problems are language problems and maybe, just maybe is the cultural differences. Other than that is fine by me (political/religious views, etc) while some of my friends have problems with visa issues.

    Anyway the point is can you guys share the same stories? Have you ever had a problem when it comes to dating an Indonesian/foreigners? What major challenges and problems did you face?


    xx
    Last edited by roadroad; 07-05-16, 07:16.

  • #2
    If he doesn't text back, he's not interested anymore. Sorry. Time to move on.

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    • #3
      Perhaps your lack of flesh creeped him out!
      Sasa Bule is having a bayi!

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Jaime C View Post
        Perhaps your lack of flesh creeped him out!
        Haha! Develop a thicker skin is a must

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        • #5
          Everyone is different. One date and a hug does not mean much. Yes, he does seem conflict avoidant for not telling you directly he is not interested, but it is pretty clear. Move on. Try another foreigner. Your English seem passable in writing.

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          • #6
            Yes. I had this one Indonesian date once. We went out and she barely talked to me. She didn't flirt with me or touch me except for a simple hug. I didn't think she was that interested so I moved on. Now she stalks me like crazy. She texts me all the time like I was going to marry her. I just avoid her because she is acting crazy obsessive.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by jukung11 View Post
              Yes. I had this one Indonesian date once. We went out and she barely talked to me. She didn't flirt with me or touch me except for a simple hug. I didn't think she was that interested so I moved on. Now she stalks me like crazy. She texts me all the time like I was going to marry her. I just avoid her because she is acting crazy obsessive.


              Thanks for the advice
              Yeah people are becoming emotionally unstable when attracted to someone else and tend to do stupid things to get their attention.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by roadroad View Post
                Haha! Develop a thicker skin is a must
                Hah! The guy doesn't know what he's missing. If he could see your avatar and read that post he would know you have a good sense of humor. Oh well - it's his loss.

                To address your post, you don't say where he is from, but I think for many Western expats, the expected way to disengage from a "relationship" that hasn't even started is just not to continue it. From his perspective, that may be more gracious than to actively tell you "sorry, not interested." The rules change after you've dated a few times, but at this point his behavior is probably fine, from his cultural standpoint.

                Oh, and welcome to the forum, by the way!

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                • #9
                  Unless he was only interested in sex, the lack of communication can be a real deathblow to a relationship.

                  I know when I was dating in Jakarta if we didn't understand each other quite well, there were only going to be a lot of problems. Relationships have problems anyway, and if you add in communication misunderstandings it's not worth it.
                  Sasa Bule is having a bayi!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by roadroad View Post

                    I thought our so-called-first-date went well. But things changed, he doesn't call/text me back after our first date. I texted him the next day and no reply. I just don't understand why would he not just say, "stop texting me. I'm not interested with you" or something like that.


                    xx
                    Give him a month. If he doesn't reach back, move on.
                    Means he's not interested. He will be back in two weeks time, usually. But I always give 3-4 weeks while looking around too.

                    Anyway, am local, married to an European. Old members know who i am *waving at @naughtygab and @atlantis and some others i'm not sure are still here not. oh yes, and Puspawarna. Hiii....

                    Just spent almost 8 mio in getting hubby's KITAP. Had to pay 2.5mio fine after his old KITAS got wet and smudged.

                    oh well, Shit happens. Others had to pay much much much more and through their nose because they use agents.

                    For me (my husband was not the first foreigner I dated or went out with), language is most important thing.

                    It's either he can speak english properly, or I'm out and vice versa. Other stuff includes education, values, principles, religion, and political point of view are to be discussed with.

                    Two things you have to remember:
                    1. RESPECT. applies for both parties.
                    2. Communication.

                    Without both, you're in for a BAD time.
                    Last edited by sweetmaria; 07-05-16, 21:56. Reason: Adding puspawarna
                    [COLOR=black]
                    [/COLOR]

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                    • #11
                      Hey how you guys doing? First of all, I'm new in here. Second, well I went for a date with this guy. I think he was nice and one of a kind since I've never come across anyone quite like him (he don't drink, or going to the club). Our date was really awkward, we didn't talk much because of the language barriers since English isn't my first language and my English went so bad 'cause I got so nervous.
                      But I really enjoyed our date. I said to him that we should meet up again and he agreed and we hugged.

                      I thought our so-called-first-date went well. But things changed, he doesn't call/text me back after our first date. I texted him the next day and no reply. I just don't understand why would he not just say, "stop texting me. I'm not interested with you" or something like that.

                      As you can see my only problems are language problems and maybe, just maybe is the cultural differences. Other than that is fine by me (political/religious views, etc) while some of my friends have problems with visa issues.

                      Anyway the point is can you guys share the same stories? Have you ever had a problem when it comes to dating an Indonesian/foreigners? What major challenges and problems did you face?


                      xx
                      You know, it's a common problem when due to your language barrier you seem boring to another person... But the best remedy is to try another person, to continue the search... You know, personally I've been dating with many girls, but even having a lot of language barriers my dates were excellent. For example, I was dating with Ukrainian girls when I was in Ukraine using this dating site https://women-ukraine.org, and frankly speaking I know english well, but as it turned out Ukranian girls know it well too, and there I even was lucky to find a good girl and now I even think how to move to Ukraine

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