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  • Confused in dating

    anyone can explain me what the true definiiton about date? i met american diplomat who work in surabaya. and he said that im already dating with him. well i dont feel any interest feeling as a couple but yes as a friend. and he asked me to have a relationship with him. it gave me some afraidness if i say yes to him. bcoz he just temporarily work here. and another issue is it just another way to get fun and sex probally. what u think?

  • #2
    Originally posted by viviseptika View Post
    anyone can explain me what the true definiiton about date? i met american diplomat who work in surabaya. and he said that im already dating with him. well i dont feel any interest feeling as a couple but yes as a friend. and he asked me to have a relationship with him. it gave me some afraidness if i say yes to him. bcoz he just temporarily work here. and another issue is it just another way to get fun and sex probally. what u think?
    Dating can meet many things. It can mean going and getting coffee together. It can mean a romantic and/or sexual relationship.
    Sasa Bule is having a bayi!

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Jaime C View Post
      Dating can meet many things. It can mean going and getting coffee together. It can mean a romantic and/or sexual relationship.
      because i think date is for a couple who want to know each other bcoz they have same feeling. but i just met him for a dinner and some coffee time and he said its a dating

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      • #4
        date

        [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Verdana]verb[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Verdana]: to do an activity with someone you have or might have a romantic relationship with: to go on a date or several dates with (someone)[/FONT][/COLOR]
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        And yes, the chance is he will expect sex. (For us that is a fun activity you know.)

        You'd better make clear what YOU (don't) want...
        Last edited by jstar; 07-11-14, 13:58.
        [FONT=arial black]
        [/FONT]

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        • #5
          Originally posted by viviseptika View Post
          because i think date is for a couple who want to know each other bcoz they have same feeling. but i just met him for a dinner and some coffee time and he said its a dating
          Technically he is right. You were on a date. Doesn't mean anything else. If you feel uncomfortable by him saying you were on a date, I'd say you're going to have communications problems with Bules.
          Sasa Bule is having a bayi!

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          • #6
            a date is also what indonesian call as " janjian" .. it's not always about boyfriend girlfriend thing.
            dont judge a book by it cover. judge it by it price. good books are expensive

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            • #7
              As a local i know what you feel. A date is different with 'pedekate', indonesia slang to express thet you're in a 'get-to-know-each-other' stage. Date is like 'kencan' where you can go out with someone you're interested with. But it's such a casual thing. Because it's okay to date another guy in the next day. You can have several dates, doesnt mean you're slut, or you're cheap but because when you date someone it still means 'you dont have anything serious yet'. It's different with indonesian culture, where some person will give you 'bad girl' label if you date or 'pedekate' with some guys.

              In western culture, you can have sex with your date even in your first dating, even you dont have any relationship with him, but i know it's not a common thing in indonesia. If he want to have sex with you after several dates doesnt mean he disrespect you, it's just a cultural thing, as it's a common thing in western but it's such a big deal for indonesian.

              if he asked you to be his gf after several dates, then he meant it. He enjoys your companion, he has a feeling for you and he wants to take your date in to the next level, more serious thing, so he wont date any other girl. If you think he will use you for sexual thing, well actually you can discuss it with him. You can tell him that, maybe, you only want to make love with him after marriage. You can tell him it's not a common thing for indonesian to have sex before marriage. Some will understand and respect it, while the rest will understand and leave it. I suggest you to have this talk with your american guy before you said yes or no to be his gf, as i think he doesnt understand about indonesia dating scene.

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              • #8
                http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dating

                [COLOR=#252525][FONT=sans-serif]Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationshipor marriage. It can be a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by the couple. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.[/FONT][/COLOR]
                [COLOR=#252525][FONT=sans-serif]The protocols and practices of dating, and the terms used to describe it, vary considerably from country to country and over time. The most common idea is two people trying out a relationship and exploring whether they are compatible by going out together in public as a couple who may or may not yet be having sexual relations. This period of courtship is sometimes seen as a precursor to engagement ormarriage.[1][2][/FONT][/COLOR]
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                • #9
                  Originally posted by megaagnesty View Post
                  You can tell him it's not a common thing for indonesian to have sex before marriage. I suggest you to have this talk with your american guy before you said yes or no to be his gf, as i think he doesnt understand about indonesia dating scene.
                  So you want her to outright lie to him after just a few dates ??? "Not a common thing for Indonesian to have sex before marriage ???" Really ?? Seems that 86% of the female population didn't get that memo mate Yes there will be the odd conservative or overly religious type that wont have sex before marriage but in my experience in a modern city like Surabaya or Jakarta its pretty much the norm. I am not saying they will jump into bed on the first date, but sex is as much part of the dating/relationship process for Indonesians as it is for westerners. Seems to me that its you that doesn't understand about indonesia dating scene.

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                  • #10
                    Well, that's the prerogatif of the OP. She just has to make clear what she wants. And never sleep with a guy to avoid losing him.
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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by ScooterIndo View Post
                      So you want her to outright lie to him after just a few dates ??? "Not a common thing for Indonesian to have sex before marriage ???" Really ?? Seems that 86% of the female population didn't get that memo mate Yes there will be the odd conservative or overly religious type that wont have sex before marriage but in my experience in a modern city like Surabaya or Jakarta its pretty much the norm. I am not saying they will jump into bed on the first date, but sex is as much part of the dating/relationship process for Indonesians as it is for westerners. Seems to me that its you that doesn't understand about indonesia dating scene.
                      Agree that sex is as much part of the dating/relationship process even for indonesian. But i try to say as 'a common strictly indonesian', who think that having sex before marriage is such a big deal. And i have many friends who choose to keep their virginity for their '1st night', as in our culture it shows that you're such a good girl.

                      There's an interesting story about my indo girl friends who want to date white guys. They finally choose not to date white guys just because they're afraid to have sex with them before marriage. They're afraid, if this guys wont marry them, and leave them, they wont get a husband. Because indonesian male prefer to marry a virgin one, a good girl. Girl who cant keep her virginity is labeled as a bad girl, in local community. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's the fact Scoot. So does move in, in our culture, move in is such a big sin. It's called Kumpul Kebo, ideally, the couple will get 'morality punishment' from the community around them. But in Jakarta, and some big cities it's such a common thing. I just try to explain indonesian dating scene in general, bc jakarta is only a small part of this country.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by ScooterIndo View Post
                        So you want her to outright lie to him after just a few dates ??? "Not a common thing for Indonesian to have sex before marriage ???" Really ?? Seems that 86% of the female population didn't get that memo mate Yes there will be the odd conservative or overly religious type that wont have sex before marriage but in my experience in a modern city like Surabaya or Jakarta its pretty much the norm. I am not saying they will jump into bed on the first date, but sex is as much part of the dating/relationship process for Indonesians as it is for westerners. Seems to me that its you that doesn't understand about indonesia dating scene.
                        I wonder about this... I lived in Utah for a while, which also has 1 actively conservative religion dominating the scene. An outsider there would probably be confused (I was) by the two blatant messages... "I won't have sex before marriage" and "My boyfriend spent the night last night" coming from the same mouth. After staying there for a while, I figured out that they were both usually true. It just meant no sexual intercourse, not no sexual activity. (even then people seemed to just get on with it after getting engaged)
                        I never really got into the dating scene in Indonesia, and won't share (true) stories of my personal sex life on the forum, but I wonder if it might be the same here?

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by viviseptika View Post
                          anyone can explain me what the true definiiton about date? i met american diplomat who work in surabaya. and he said that im already dating with him. well i dont feel any interest feeling as a couple but yes as a friend. and he asked me to have a relationship with him. it gave me some afraidness if i say yes to him. bcoz he just temporarily work here. and another issue is it just another way to get fun and sex probally. what u think?
                          This is an odd question to ask a bunch of strangers as people will have different perception. Don't you think it would make more sense to ask the person involved ie. the American diplomat?

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                          • #14
                            agree

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                            • #15
                              anyone can explain me what the true definiiton about date? i met american diplomat who work in surabaya. and he said that im already dating with him. well i dont feel any interest feeling as a couple but yes as a friend. and he asked me to have a relationship with him. it gave me some afraidness if i say yes to him. bcoz he just temporarily work here. and another issue is it just another way to get fun and sex probally. what u think?
                              What's wrong? Simply accept this relationship as an experience in your life. Really, it's a good opportunity to expand your life experience, try to date him if he deserves it (and if he is pretty and good with you). Personally, I'm thankful, that my girlfriend from Ukraine proceeded exactly in this way - she simply gave me the chance to discover my personality. Frankly speaking, I expected such a reaction because before to go to Ukraine I found out from this article  https://tryukraine.com that Ukraine is a good country to be visited and that girls from Ukraine are patient and may give a person some time to show his real thoughts, preferances and personal qualities at all

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