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  • #16
    Originally posted by imponderablefun View Post
    Hehe yeah, well I'm currently BF hunting at the moment. Planning to come out to the whole family when I'm in a serious relationship with someone, as to show them that Homosexual relationship is not merely about copulation but there's also sincere love just like heterosexual relationship. But yeah it's kinda devastating seeing your peers to have someone and you're not LOL. By the way, may I ask why are you nervous about coming back home?
    Culture shock, mainly. I've been able to kinda detach myself from family & societal expectations while living abroad. Now, coming back home would probably involve some sort of expectations. My family lives in a pretty tight-knit community and as a first child Balinese, there's just a lot of pressure to eventually be the head of the family etc etc. But I digress. I think relationships are delicate. Don't force it. I'm sure something will come along if you let it develop organically.
    Don't be defeatist, Dear. It's very middle class - From Downton Abbey (Series)

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    • #17
      I know im not very active but owh SamanthaB you should at least mention me. LOL.


      I'm gay, 27 yo in a commited relationship with an expat from Ireland for years. Living together and we've both met the big family already. Hello to you imponderablefun, I just wanna say that growing in Indonesia and back in my days looking for a friend who can understand or a boyfriend is a challenge. What happens is I always hold myself back and acting straight (replying to nasty straight sex jokes, etc) when meeting friends. As I met more people, my networks expand. I have more friends who can accept me for who i am. Imagine Max from Happy endings, I manage to become myself without being the [FONT=arial]"sterotypically gay best friend[/FONT][FONT=arial]" --- sometimes. My suggestion would be, dont rush it. You're still young. I know age never defy maturity but you're still young. Go out and enjoy a bit and yes my coming out is culture shock (a first born as well, high five to mizzou) but i know i deserve my own happiness.

      I wish you all the very best.

      [/FONT]

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      • #18
        Originally posted by deliverypasta View Post
        I know im not very active but owh SamanthaB you should at least mention me. LOL.


        I'm gay, 27 yo in a commited relationship with an expat from Ireland for years. Living together and we've both met the big family already. Hello to you imponderablefun, I just wanna say that growing in Indonesia and back in my days looking for a friend who can understand or a boyfriend is a challenge. What happens is I always hold myself back and acting straight (replying to nasty straight sex jokes, etc) when meeting friends. As I met more people, my networks expand. I have more friends who can accept me for who i am. Imagine Max from Happy endings, I manage to become myself without being the [FONT=arial]"sterotypically gay best friend[/FONT][FONT=arial]" --- sometimes. My suggestion would be, dont rush it. You're still young. I know age never defy maturity but you're still young. Go out and enjoy a bit and yes my coming out is culture shock (a first born as well, high five to mizzou) but i know i deserve my own happiness.

        I wish you all the very best.

        [/FONT]
        Hey thanks for sharing. I'm also planning to continue my study abroad once I'm done with law school, hopefully I can find a job and a man and eventually make a family in the future. But convincing my dad about my plan to live abroad is so difficult (he doesn't know my true intention yet), all he aware of is that I want to study fashion design and as we know London, Paris, Rome, NYC are the ones that prominently known for the said field. If I happened to divulge my true intention to him (that means coming out of Narnia), he might change his mind and thus endorse my dream financially and psychologically. However, adjudicating the background my family has I doubt he will accept me. It would be a different story though if I had a boyfriend and assure him that homosexual relationship is likened to heterosexual one, bound by sincere reciprocal love of two people. Aside from that aforementioned perplexity, another reason I'm tad rushed in finding a boyfriend is that I just lost my mum and I regret that I never told her about this whole thing. I don't wanna annex another regret, that's why...

        Anyway, so you live in Ireland with your boyfriend, deliverypasta?

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        • #19
          ^^^
          Ahh ic. First, sorry to hear about ur mom.

          I dont know everything in life and im sorry im sorry im sorry if im wrong or by any case i offend you or by any means im getting it wrong. but as you lied to your father about your true intention of living abroad to get his money so you can be financially supported living abroad. Errrr.. and youre planning to get his trust?

          When I first came out to my family I got cut off from my family financially and emotionally. My sister didnt talked to me for over a year. They lied about my existence to relatives by saying i become a sailor. I lived in 750rb/month room with shared bathroom. I only have 2 towel and jobless for several month due to stress. I'm selling my laptop in the middle of the month so I can pay my room and survive for several more months as im building back my life. But one thing Im sure when I looked back. I took a leap of faith and be true to myself.
          Im switching jobs and meet my partner in a locker room from one of pool apartment near my place (i didnt lived there but i can always get in easily, its the attitude u wear not the access card you have), trading phone number, start dating (yes with a lot of sex-why am i telling you this? okay next), falling in love. He somehow manage to bring the best in me. In no time, I introduced him to my family and we reconnect. He introduced me to his last xmas when theyre visitting jakarta. I got better job, i got an eight digit salary with extra income from tutoring bahasa indonesia on afterhour and baby sitting (yes lol im still baby sitting). We lived together in jakarta but before that I have my own place (a kost room with ac, hot water, cleaning service, cable tv and free drinking water at a prime location in jakarta selatan), a gym membership, several gadget that i always wanted, a credit card from my own name (not an extra card from parents) and a travel itinerary all across indonesia, asia, and europe till the end of the year.

          Ok yes im gonna stop, its not about my life. Im just sharing a life exp. I could have lied to my family (iam originated from makassar, my dad is a moslem extremist, my grandpa is a famous religious man in his village. They threat to kill me and I swear I think they might do it for real when they find out that im gay-really stress me out).

          I hope this can be somehow open your point of view into something new.
          I lived in jakarta. available for coffee. text me your phone number if you need a friend. xx
          Last edited by deliverypasta; 19-05-12, 02:35. Reason: endings

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          • #20
            Did anyone say coffee???????


            Hi imponderablefun, first of all, welcome to the forum. I happen to have tonnes of gay men and women in my circle, mostly due to my open-mindedness in your own sexual preference.

            My personal experience also told me that gays makes a better friend than diamonds. Diamonds can't talk back at me to remind me how ridiculous I look in that dress.

            As I always say to my female friends (and the male ones), every one has their own time and only fools rush in. You're still young (and I envy your youth) live your life.

            Indonesian parents might still find it difficult to accept that their children doesn't fancy the opposite sex, and if you want to settle and have a family, I'm afraid you can't be wedded here. I know a gay couple in yogya who went to NL to get married and come back to yogya to live. Their neighbours think that they're just "friends".

            Anyway, I hope that the girls would agree to include you (and deliverypasta, maybe) for our girls night out.

            Cheers.
            [COLOR=black]
            [/COLOR]

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            • #21
              Thanks Deliverypasta and Sweetmaria for sharing. And for Deliverypasta, I didn't feel offended in any way, just wanted to share

              I can very much relate to your situation, deliverypasta. My family also muslim extremist, and also I live in a "masculine" environment, Dad used to work in army and eventually achieved a quite high rank, and my only sibling, my older brother is a police man. Last year, when I told my family I didn't want to be a lawyer and wanted to be fashion designer everyone in my house went crazy about it. My dad was so close from having nervous breakdown, my brother stopped talking to me, the rest of family member thought I was being put under some sort of black magic chanted by evil people (yes this actually happened, and I LOL-ed. They even gave me talisman). They think all designer dressed and behave like Ivan Gunawan (I'm not that effeminate), that's why they were scared to death. I can't imagine if I came out to them, that's why I'm really looking forward to get out here and pursue study abroad and eventually live there. At least if I ever came out, I'd only tell my dad and the rest of family doesn't have to know. But reading yours and Sweetmaria post definitely open up my perspective though in a way.

              Also, yeah we should hang out sometime for coffee or lunch or whatever, Deliverypasta. Where do you live in Jakarta?

              As to your story, Sweetmaria, I realise that. Especially when you want to have kids, it is impossible to have it here. Also I watched this video on Youtube that made me realise the importance of legal right for homosexual couple, and basically it's the one that made me want to move abroad. check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pR9gyloyOjM

              Also for the sushi girls night out, yeah hope all the girls don't matter if me and Deliverypasta joined you
              Last edited by imponderablefun; 19-05-12, 12:15.

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              • #22
                Welcome to the forum.
                I smile.

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                • #23
                  This thread is getting deep. Deliverypasta, your story is quite moving. I secretly envy you, but more importantly I'm happy for you. The universe has a way of making things work out when we're just open to opportunities. And yes, ditto on the coffee and/or a night out, Sweetmaria. I'll be in Jakarta in June [new to town, definitely expecting a massive culture shock, looking for friends ].

                  Imponderablefun, you're undoubtedly a very intelligent person and you have a bright future ahead of you. I wish I was as focused as you. I'd say, keep that focus, but don't forget to have fun. I found that as I became more comfortable in my own skin, my friends and family could sense that as well. Though they don't like to talk about it, they respect me and my choices. If someone loves you, he/she will come around. If not, they're the ones who are missing out Obviously, it's more complicated than that, but I hope that's encouraging.
                  Don't be defeatist, Dear. It's very middle class - From Downton Abbey (Series)

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by mizzou View Post
                    Imponderablefun, you're undoubtedly a very intelligent person and you have a bright future ahead of you. I wish I was as focused as you. I'd say, keep that focus, but don't forget to have fun. I found that as I became more comfortable in my own skin, my friends and family could sense that as well. Though they don't like to talk about it, they respect me and my choices. If someone loves you, he/she will come around. If not, they're the ones who are missing out Obviously, it's more complicated than that, but I hope that's encouraging.
                    Wow thanks a lot. I'm definitely not this serious in real life, a very laid back person actually

                    And we should definitely hang out to celebrate Mizzou arrival yay!!

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                    • #25
                      hi to all gays are welcome to be my friend...

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                      • #26
                        Hi I'm available. You could message me at [email protected] or (65) 9777 8006 or (65) 9115 7831

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                        • #27
                          Looking or selling? Male, female or both


                          But either option on a two year old thread is somewhat optimistic.

                          you might find better luck starting a new thread and adding some detail. Just a thought.

                          And I'd be slightly more circumspect about using your personal email and phone numbers too.

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                          • #28
                            Hi, I Ahmad

                            More friend and fun call me (+62) 81283837133 or (+62) 81283837233 (serious only) catch me babe. 24 hours and i am gay. see u. i am living on BALI.

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                            • #29
                              ....... and also I live in a "masculine" environment, Dad used to work in army and eventually achieved a quite high rank......when I told my family I didn't want to be a lawyer and wanted to be fashion designer everyone in my house went crazy about it. My dad was so close from having nervous breakdown....
                              Didit? Is that you?
                              [FONT=arial black]
                              [/FONT]

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                              • #30
                                ha ha ha... wait up... hmm might be true ...
                                Originally posted by jstar View Post
                                Didit? Is that you?
                                dont judge a book by it cover. judge it by it price. good books are expensive

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