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A joke...

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  • A joke...

    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a[/FONT][/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]dinner with her parents.[/FONT][/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that[/FONT][/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.[/FONT][/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip[/FONT][/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his[/FONT][/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells[/FONT][/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.[/FONT][/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like[/FONT][/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.[/FONT][/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather[/FONT][/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]busy, it being his first time and all.[/FONT][/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his[/FONT][/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]girlfriend at the door.[/FONT][/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"[/FONT][/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's[/FONT][/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]parents are seated. [/FONT][/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes,[/FONT][/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.[/FONT][/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.[/FONT][/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over[/FONT][/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'[/FONT][/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]The boy turns, and whispers back,[/FONT][/COLOR]

    [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Lucida Grande]'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!'[/FONT][/COLOR]
    QUOTE: "Anybody who throws a few pieces of chicken or whatever meat they have onto a gas grill deserves what they get..."

  • #2
    Now THAT's funny

    Comment


    • #3
      I guess two of us thought so!

      Here's a new one!

      A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he
      comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to
      walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher....
      The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of
      alcohol, hereupon he asks the drunk,


      'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
      The drunk shouts, 'Aye, Ah am.' So the preacher grabs him and dunks
      him in the water. He pulls him up
      and asks the drunk, Brother have you found Jesus?' The drunk
      replies, 'No, Ah havnae found Jesus.'
      The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for
      a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again,
      'Have you found Jesus my brother?' The drunk again answers, 'No, Ah
      havnae found Jesus.'


      By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in
      the water again ---


      but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins
      kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.


      The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?"


      The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his breath and says to the preacher,


      "Are ye sure this is where he fell in"?
      Last edited by MattyRedSox; 20-02-13, 10:03.
      QUOTE: "Anybody who throws a few pieces of chicken or whatever meat they have onto a gas grill deserves what they get..."

      Comment


      • #4
        For the record, I found both of them funny ...
        IknowthatyoubelieveyouunderstandwhatyouthinkIsaid, butI'mnotsureyourealisethatwhatyouheardisnotwhatI meant.

        Comment


        • #5
          Me too, both great jokes

          Comment


          • #6
            I got a mild chuckle, but they are a bit lengthy for a slow reader such as myself. Henny Youngman crass brevity is more my style.

            Comment


            • #7
              For waarmstrong - Four men walk into a bar. The fifth one ducks.
              QUOTE: "Anybody who throws a few pieces of chicken or whatever meat they have onto a gas grill deserves what they get..."

              Comment


              • #8
                Is it a fair guess that the drunk was Scottish?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Sky Garden View Post
                  Is it a fair guess that the drunk was Scottish?
                  I edited the Scotsman part out. I did leave his accent!
                  QUOTE: "Anybody who throws a few pieces of chicken or whatever meat they have onto a gas grill deserves what they get..."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by MattyRedSox View Post
                    For waarmstrong - Four men walk into a bar. The fifth one ducks.
                    Keep up the good work.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I please to aim!




                      My mate set me up on a blind date.
                      He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know. She's expecting a baby."


                      I felt like a right bleeping idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy.
                      QUOTE: "Anybody who throws a few pieces of chicken or whatever meat they have onto a gas grill deserves what they get..."

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        [COLOR=#333333][FONT=lucida grande]A little old lady went into the Bank one day, carrying a bag of money.

                        She asked to speak with the bank president to open an account because, "It's a lot of money!" The reluctant staff finally ushered her into his office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash on his desk.

                        The president was of course curious as to how she [/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#333333][FONT=lucida grande]came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, where did you get this money?"
                        The old lady replied, "I make bets."
                        The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
                        The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
                        "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
                        The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
                        "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
                        The old lady said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?"
                        "Sure!" replied the confident president.

                        That night, he was very nervous about the bet and often checked his balls in the mirror.

                        The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.

                        "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.

                        The president said, "What wrong with your lawyer?"

                        She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I'd have the bank president's balls in my hand!"[/FONT][/COLOR]

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          That's the spirit. I didn't know that one!
                          QUOTE: "Anybody who throws a few pieces of chicken or whatever meat they have onto a gas grill deserves what they get..."

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            haha, another one...

                            [COLOR=#333333][FONT=lucida grande]a man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.[/FONT][/COLOR]

                            [COLOR=#333333][FONT=lucida grande]the man said, "men obviously enjoy sex more than women. why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"[/FONT][/COLOR]

                            [COLOR=#333333][FONT=lucida grande]"that doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger?"[/FONT][/COLOR]

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I'm not sure if that's a joke or an unrealized truth.
                              QUOTE: "Anybody who throws a few pieces of chicken or whatever meat they have onto a gas grill deserves what they get..."

                              Comment

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