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  • Staying in Jakarta for a bit!

    Hi! I'm going to Jakarta to pay a visit to a special person(my girlfriend) for a week. She is Indonesian and she's older than me of two years. She told me that in Indonesia it is not possible for a unmarried couple to live in the same house. She told me that the police makes raids in hotels and so if we sleep in the same hotel room they will arrest me(I hope not her too!). She told me a particular hotel where police doesn't come(I don't know if I can say the name so I will skip it).
    So, what I am asking is:
    What happen if police find us together in the same hotel room for the first time? What are the penalties?
    Do you know some good hotels where they wouldn't mind having a couple stay together?
    Thanks for the future answers! I really need to know!

  • #2
    She's pulling your leg for the most part. Calls into question the entire character of the relationship.

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    • #3
      You mean... she's joking about that? So there's no police that does raids and stuff? And is it allowed for an unmarried couple to stay in the same room?
      What do you mean by "[COLOR=#333333]Calls into question the entire character of the relationship"?[/COLOR]

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      • #4
        Jakarta is not Aceh; no religious police running around looking to bust your chops or hotel clerks asking for your a marriage certificate; and no police raids except maybe once in a blue moon of a know prostitution hangout. The spector your correspondent is attempting to create is simply not in existence in Jakarta. While long term cohabitation could generate complaint from neighbors in a religiously conservative neighborhood and a single woman entertaining a bule from out of town in such a neighborhood could damage her reputation, the probability of problems arising from a short term visit are small, especially is your friend lives in an apartment or one of Jakarta's more cosmopolitan areas. Most people in your situation simply act as if they are married and go about their business without inquiry or problems.

        As to the character of your relationship, you have not been all that forthcoming with descriptive detail. Jakarta's problems are legion, but the social policing of tourists is not one of them. That your friend would manufacture such a specter, in the absence of more information on the nature of the relationship, leads me to questions of veracity and motive.

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        • #5
          Yeah, I second waarmstrong's answer. In blunt terms (and perhaps going further than waarmie would; I'm not trying to put words in his mouth): BE CAREFUL. You are dating a woman who is not being truthful to you. Also, it seems like she wants you to stay in a particular hotel and she's luring you there by saying "it's the only hotel that the police won't raid."

          That sounds like a set-up to me - I would be VERY suspicious.

          It could be that your girlfriend is "joking" or that she is totally misinformed (doubtful unless she doesn't live in Jakarta herself, in which case maybe she is just repeating unsubstantiated rumors she has heard). With luck, that's all that is happening. But just in case -- this smells, so please, be very cautious. During your visit, stay aware of your surroundings, don't leave any food or drink unattended, don't carry huge sums of money.

          I know stories of men getting roofied and waking up the next day with nothing but their underwear. One guy that my husband works with was taken in by a long con: he dated a woman for months, then woke up in his totally cleaned out apartment after being unconscious for 3 days. (And of course, there was no record of the existence of the woman by the name she had given him; she had lied about her identity.) He was told by the hospital that the drug dose he had been given was so high that he was lucky to be alive. Don't end up like those guys!

          In case it sounds like I am implying that all the women in Jakarta are out to scam expat men: they aren't. There are plenty of honest, wonderful women out there. But you can't tell, when you've only known someone over the internet (an assumption I'm making; forgive me if I'm wrong and you already know each other well in person), whether someone's intentions are honest.
          Last edited by Puspawarna; 26-04-15, 13:15.

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          • #6
            Yes, I've only known her over the internet and by telling me all these things... I feel unsecured now. What should I do to be sure that she's not a scam? I mean we chat everyday, call each other, video calls too. She showed me pictures of her with friends too and we even sleep call! (yeah, we sleep together in call) She is everywhere, on FB, on Instagram, on Twitter, etc. I mean, she exists and she told me her full name too, of her family, of her friends, everything! I don't know what to do to be sure now...

            P.S. She lives in Jakarta.
            P.P.S. She actually told me that only expensive hotels would have been out of these "police raids" and that I should have searched for them so we could have been together. I asked her if she could search for a particular hotel.
            Last edited by Deadwinter; 26-04-15, 14:49.

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            • #7
              Perfect! I went on a fight with her and she showed me her Identity Card... I feel so stupid now... Thanks anyway!

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              • #8
                Sorry if I've caused you to have a fight with your girlfriend. But you should never feel stupid for being careful.

                Nothing but time and care can definitely show that someone is legit; however, there are a few things that I would take as an indication that someone is legitimate:

                1. Do you have photos of her that you can confirm are highly likely to be real (for example, via a live Skype call). The guy I mentioned above realized that he had no photos of his girlfriend to show the police; when he thought about it, he realized that she took all the photos/took them with her phone and didn't share, etc.)

                2. Does she ever ask you for money? (you should not provide cash for ANYTHING except obviously in person you may want to pay for the cost of your shared activities.)

                3. Can you meet her parents? Most Indonesians are very close to their families; it's a red flag if you are in a supposedly serious relationship and have never met the parents.

                4. Did you meet through a shared interest, for example an on-line hobby or religious group, rather than because she contacted you out of the blue or you went to a "meet Asian women" website.

                Maybe other posters can think of other things that would be "green flags," in other words behaviors that would suggest a person is for real.

                It is possible that legitimate young ladies might not pass 100% of the above questions; they are just suggestions. (Once in a while true love probably does happen from a "meet Asian women" website.) I'd be curious to hear if other posters have more ideas.
                Last edited by Puspawarna; 26-04-15, 16:32.

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                • #9
                  It's okay! She forgave me for this one last time hopefully!
                  1) Yes! I have every single picture of her took from everywhere! I even have videos of her talking etc. On Skype we video call when she is in her room. The curious thing is that she doesn't want to show me her room, she says it's privacy etc. But I want to believe that, at least.

                  2) Never! Actually she wanted to come here first and didn't want me to go there, but she said that first she had to gain money after she finish university. But no, she never asked for money.

                  3) She said that when I'll go there I can go to her house so I think yes, I can meet her parents.

                  4) Yes, we met on a shared interest site. Those sites that put you to a random chat with someone else that has the same interests.

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                  • #10
                    It's sounding good!

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                    • #11
                      http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2...lice-raid.html

                      Maybe she's got a point. Although it sounds like they were only targeting hotels that rent rooms by the hour.

                      I'm a little confused though, outside of prostitution, is it actually illegal for 2 unmarried people to have a liaison in a hotel room?

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                      • #12
                        I've never been asked for a marriage license when checking into a hotel anywhere in the country. Not at a 4jt a night place, or a 110k a night place. I've stayed at 20+ different hotels in Jakarta since 2004, and never have been asked for a marriage license.

                        I've stayed in Medan with my fiancé, no problems.

                        I'd guess your friend has been told stories about raids. If she seems above board, I wouldn't be too worried. I would caution you not to have any drug activity in Indonesia. I have heard of drug tests being administered in some raids by police at dance clubs.

                        If you're still nervous, choose a western chain, Accor, Holiday Inn, SPG, etc. You can find reasonable places in much of the country for $40-60 per night. $100-$200 can get a very nice room.

                        I'm partial to the Grand Hyatt in Jakarta. They have weekend specials that include breakfast and lounge access for $200 a night. That's about 1/2 the weekday price, if booked by an Indonesian or Kitas holder. One of the JW Marriott's has a great weekend deal for less than $150.

                        If she is overly nervous to be in Jakarta, a trip to Bandung or Bali could be nice. On a personal note, I'd not jump right in the sack, but spend some real time in person first and let it progress naturally.
                        Sasa Bule is having a bayi!

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                        • #13
                          Brings back memories of when I had a Lebanese girlfriend. Forget about bringing a girlfriend to a hotelroom in Beirut if you can't show a marriage certificate, except for one or two shabby hotels.

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                          • #14
                            The Manhattan Hotel is good, in the middle of the city - be ready with the traffic shock though.. Just go to 3 stars and above hotel, you'll be fine, at least you can complain and get what you want. Maybe your gf just paranoid, if she lives in Jakarta city, no need to worry about this kind of thing. Or like the other said, she just wants to target some hotels. Haha..

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                            • #15
                              As I said she lives in Jakarta City! And, since you all saying hotels name, I'll say mine too at this point! The hotel she told me is Swiss-Belinn Hotel and is really cheap, since I checked that for the week I want to go it will just be around 20-30 €.
                              By the way, I'm going to book a room for me, so a single room. She will just sleep with me. I hope it won't be too much of a hassle... right?
                              Jaime C, I don't do drugs and I don't drink alcohol so I'm fine...

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