Culture and Marriage

[strider_ani]

Hey, I'm an Australian and I've been seeing an Indonesian girl for a few months.
So far the relationship looks promising and I'll be going to see her at the end of the year.

I promised myself I'd learn more about Indonesian culture and what I can expect from her and her family while I'm there so I'd thought I'd ask on a forum as one way to find out. :P
I know long distances International relationships are really hard to get right so I've also tried to get all the big topics out of the way when I talk to her. Religion, Sex, Moving, etc. I try to be as honest as I can so she knows where I stand.

She is from a Muslim family but she doesn't seem very religious. I'm not religious at all, but I'd consider converting If I had too.

Yeah, so right now it's pretty crazy, I have no idea what to expect.
Any help would be great!

[ScooterIndo]

Well its a bit hard for any of us to comment seeing as we dont know either you or the girl in question or the dynamics of your relationship. However what i will warn you of is the fact that you cant use her as a barometer to estimate her "family" they (like most of our extended families in RI) will probably be nothing like her on so many different levels - you have been warned. Personally i have been quite lucky where the in laws are concerned, and we also live a long way from them so they dont hold much sway with my wife now. However that said i could tell you some horror stories about peoples in laws here that would scare the shit out of you, none of it is reflective upon the girl herself but what it does do is put her in a "piggy in the middle" situation. My main piece of advice when meeting them for the first time would be avoid the topic of money and finances in fact play down your wealth (if you have some) also try not to get sucked into religious or socio political discussions. And as a side thought i would prepare an answer to the "whats your intentions towards my daughter" question. Good luck.

[bule1970]

The best advice i can give is, Dont married that quickly!!!!!! REALY
Learn about indonesia first.

[strider_ani]

Yeah, that's fair enough. I wanted to see what kind of response I'd get and figure I'd just answer any questions as they came up.
Her immediate family seem fine. I tell her to say hi for me, She's sent me photo's of her with them in them, today she told me her Mum asked her about me.
I have no idea what her extended family would be like though.

All in all, from all the horror stories I've read so far, from here and elsewhere, I've been extremely lucky. So far I haven't seen any of the warning signs I've read about.

I do intend to stay in Australia, and I assume she's let her parents know but I can't be sure. Actually it's funny you say that about the intentions question because she said to get ready because her mum wants to ask that question. When I asked what she meant by it she wouldn't answer.

[ScooterIndo]

Actually it's funny you say that about the intentions question because she said to get ready because her mum wants to ask that question. When I asked what she meant by it she wouldn't answer.

Thats typical - because as a bule in the eyes of some locals all we care about is shagging drinking beer and eating roti

[MattyRedSox]

Thats typical - because as a bule in the eyes of some locals all we care about is shagging drinking beer and eating roti

change that to BBQ, and you've rumbled me...

[lantern]

Her immediate family seem fine.

Most serial killers seemed fine as far as the neighbors were concerned

[sweetmaria]

strider, please be warned. Most Indonesian families still see white guys as cash cows. If you're that wealthy, it won't be much of a problem. But do get to know her family first.

Listen to your instinct first and refrain from marrying her before you know her for at least a year. pay her and her family a visit.
Learn to be strict with your financial situation even from the start.

Note: I am an Indonesian lady who's married to a Dutch man.

[audrienne]

strider, please be warned. Most Indonesian families still see white guys as cash cows. If you're that wealthy, it won't be much of a problem. But do get to know her family first.

Listen to your instinct first and refrain from marrying her before you know her for at least a year. pay her and her family a visit.
Learn to be strict with your financial situation even from the start.

Note: I am an Indonesian lady who's married to a Dutch man.

strider, noted the word "most" not all. If the gal come from pretty well off family, the family may think otherwise, especially if you dont match their status

[redsnapr]

Thats typical - because as a bule in the eyes of some locals all we care about is shagging drinking beer and eating roti

Huh? Is there anything else ?

[TMarbun]

I think it depends upon where you will live after you are married. If you live far from her family, they will probably not bother you much. If you decide to live near her family, you might have to kiss your privacy goodbye. That's just based on my experience. My husband is Batak Toba. I could write a book about all the crazy stuff I have seen them try to pull on me and my husband. But my husband loved me enough to put his foot down and told them to back off. Good Luck to you!

[dongdong]

you also need to concern about family issue because many Indonesian parents don't want to let their daughter left Indonesia and married with a bule(in case you're serious with her)
I am curious, where did you meet her? Because if you meet girls from dating site,you also have to be careful.. and btw do you have big age gap with her? and does she ready to marry?

[dongdong]

Huh? Is there anything else ?

and also cheesee...

[Jaime C]

I'd certainly get to know her and her family a lot better before you jump into anything. Many Indonesians are very close, so if you marry them, you're also marrying their family.

Religion can also be a problem. While often your GF may not be religious, she will still because of parental pressure, follow most or all of the Muslim beliefs. Personally, I'm uncomfortable with someone who is a religious nut. I don't mind small doses here and there, but I have no interest in participating.

If you convert, if you're not circumcised, some places may want to check that you are. Most won't, thankfully. Otherwise, snip, snip, snip!

Likely you will be asked to support the family in one way or another. Many Indonesians think all Bules are rich. Make sure that everything is understood and clear, support wise, before you get married.

[waarmstrong]

[COLOR=#333333]"I promised myself I'd learn more about Indonesian culture and what I can expect from her and her family..." That's a good promise. Keep it. But [/COLOR]I wouldn't form any prior judgments based what you read, or on the rumors, idle speculating, stereotyping, and even the occasional insightful comment posted here. I gather you are at least contemplating the possibility of marriage down the road. If that's the case, an introduction to the family is likely, same as with most relationships, mixed nationalities or not. When and if that happens, approach the event with an open agenda, so to speak.