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Indonesian woman need some inform about a boy friend from England

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  • Indonesian woman need some inform about a boy friend from England

    i Have been know my boy friend since 1,5 years ago from a dating site and he was came here to indonesia once.he is not young anymore as me is up 40.
    and he is 54 years old , he is from England. He is not a rich man, he said he was broke since he broke up from his girl friend whos lived with him for 22 years in living together without married. as the legal in there decided to taken everything that he has at that time to his ex girl friend as thats a law in England. he said i would like to know if thats the right statement from him or he was lying to me ? As we have a plan to married in here and start to a new life here, warm regards
    Last edited by Suzanna; 11-03-13, 08:18.

  • #2
    Would the fact that he has or doesn't have assets influence your feelings for him?

    On a legal point of view, saying that "you are not married with" is not enough to reach a conclusion. There are other forms of civil unions than a marriage in some countries, unlike Indonesia. These alternatives generate civil rights and obligations for both parties.

    What I try to say is that answering "Yes, he is lying" or "No, he is not lying", considering the very few informations included in your post, would be only pure speculation.
    Last edited by atlantis; 11-03-13, 08:20.


    • #3
      Well i have to say " it could be yes and no "... as i need the truthfulness about anything from the beginning, and i can say that i have fallen to him thats why i want to know the truth about his statements as if he was lying to me at the beginning i think its not good for my future


      • #4
        agree with atlantis. to answer your question of whether he is lying or telling the truth will be pure speculation.

        but what i can tell you (along the lines of atlantis' comments) is in other countries like england, it is possible for a couple to live together and act like a married couple without legally getting married for a certain period of time and the court of law recognises this as a civil union; and when the couple breaks up, it is possible for the ex girlfriend to still be awarded a (substantive) split of their combined assets, as if they had been married, which may leave the male lesser assets than he had before. however, the outcome of such separations vary on a case-by-case basis depending on either (a) what the parties agree or (b) what the courts decide after looking at all the circumstances of both parties.


        • #5
          ok thanks topsykretts ,so i take it as its possible that he was insolvent coz of his long relation ship with his girl friend in England. And he would like to start a new life here without enough money here as we wouldn't be able to start a business here or buy a house .And so it would be just his pension money that would be sent to here when he start to moveing here and its just about 700 pounds a month.And i have a house here so i think we will be living in my house .But i need to know what could he do for living here ? as he's working as a driver in London


          • #6
            err.... i don't know if i would go so far to say he is 'insolvent'. at least, i don't think any insolvency will be a result of that separation, unless he had willingly decided to give everything to her. let's face it, i doubt that. and the length of the relationship before it broke down is, obviously, by far not the only reason taken into consideration when dividing assets.

            as for what he can do here, i have no idea. i am sure you are aware it is difficult for foreigners to work here legally unless a company legally hires and sponsors him, and usually that means he is required to have a specialised skill set.

            i leave it to others on this forum to advise more on spousal-sponsored visas, its rights and limitations.


            • #7
              A civil union can have similar implications like marriage upon separation, but it rarely leaves one partner completely broke or bankrupt, unless there are other factors. Maybe the couple has been living in debt before (common situation in the UK anyway), or maybe the ex was a shopaholic and create a debt that was shared... In UK it is common to buy everything on credit and I would even go as far as to say the majority of people are in serious debt.

              If he gets 700 pounds pension and you have a house, ideally paid for so no credit payments, you should be fine. That's 10 juta per month, you will not be millionaires but should be able to have a decent life without financial trouble. A lot of people would envy you for that situation. Plus, it will be a nice situation of equality where both of you contribute more or less equally.

              If you get married (since you have a house, absolutely make sure to do a prenup), you can sponsor his Kitas easily.

              Since he has the right passport, if he has some decent language skills he could do courses to get a TEFL and work as a teacher. Normally the language schools require a degree and experience beside the TEFL, but since he has the pension income, he could start building his "new" career with very low salary in order to get the experience.

              From experience, I just think you should spend some more time together before doing any permanent move, let's call it a trial period. I don't want to generalize, but IMHO relationships starting on dating sites should be considered carefully.

              Good luck!


              • #8
                If he ask to borrow money for any reason, drop him. Dating sights are full of spammers that make life look so good through the rose colored glasses of romance.
                [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Verdana]Some love to milk Apostate.[/FONT][/COLOR]


                • #9
                  well there are many ways you can do to detect whether he's lying or not.
                  1. where did you meet him? what was the channel? was he the one who approach you first? did he use all the flowery words to impress you?
                  there are a lot of free love channels are filled with spammers and liars. some guys think that it's easy to talk to women who are desperate for love and marriage , just say some silly but flowery words i.e, i like your pict./you look smart/you are the love of my life ... , after chatting via yahoo for 10 min.
                  2. was he really eager to talk to you, and was he reluctant to be in relationship?was he the one who ask you to marry him? i mean , in general, after 22 years in a relationship with someone, it must be quite hard to forget about her and move on. and he did not married the girl that he dated for 22 years, why would he agree to marry you now? does he have a valid reason?
                  3. he's been here rite? how's your communication with him? were there time that you could not understand clearly what he said, that you might miss what he is actually looking for?
                  4. did he go to your house? did he say something about you being rich? did he propose not too long after he realize you have the money?
                  5. did he come here because he wanted to see you only? any changes of attitude or gesture after he met you? was there any difference between before and after you met him?
                  6. did he show you the picture of his house? or his car etc? where did he stay when he went here?
                  7. what is his job in uk? does he have a fix job?
                  8. does he ever introduce you to his relatives or friends or siblings? via skype or phone or text messg?

                  try to see his reply and the way he replies it. and let your instinct read it. then you can know whether he is lying or not.
                  dont judge a book by it cover. judge it by it price. good books are expensive


                  • #10
                    Happybunny, I think you re right and i have some ideas just like as you have said above, and your suggest about the works for him it might be so usefull for us, yes we will meeting again in here on May this year so i hope we would be able to meet people that will help us about the papers and how to get a job in here . Thank you


                    • #11
                      fastspitch17... Yes you re right as i have ever met the spammers in past but he never asked to borrow my money or asked me to pay something when he was here on June last year , thank you


                      • #12
                        Naughtygab, yes he met my family when he was here and chatted to my family also, theres almost no bad clues for the points above just only in point 3 yes, sometime i dont understand about him .thank you


                        • #13
                          you dont understand his words or you dont understand him? it's totally different.
                          almost no bad clues means that not everything is bad...
                          i still believe that communication is the most important thing in a relationship.
                          if you are sure about him, then why have doubt about whether he is really broke or not??
                          dont judge a book by it cover. judge it by it price. good books are expensive


                          • #14
                            Naughtygab, i must say that i wouldnt be so sure about him before we ve got married, before he become as my husband ... its not about the language conversation its coz he doesnt like to tell me about his life , as he said you ask and i ll answer it . but as you know i couldnt be able to ask everything to him, sometime i need him to tell me about anything in his life that he thought its not important as i would love to hear it, but he never do that , well i have a instink that it might be coz he had a bad experiences before in his life, so thats why sometime i doubt about him whats happened in his life before he met me.... thanks


                            • #15
                              There is never a guarantee that we ever know anyone fully...ever. Even loyal couples who have been married decades will still have secrets from each other. Maybe they are big, maybe they are small.

                              naughtygab is right...communication is the only sure answer here...and communication with EACH other. You and your friends and family need to get to know him more, and you need to use your instincts about whether to trust him or not...and of course that is the hard bit! You have to have faith in each other as people and as a couple, and you need to be honest with each other, and learn to trust each other otherwise your relationship will always be tenuous.

                              Will you get hurt or scammed? can answer that for you...
                              Things happen for a reason...