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Wondering what happens after married by accident with indonesian-foreigner

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  • #16
    Yes, I know. I have often marveled at the persistence of these rural, conservative modes of behaviour. It is even more surprising to find them in places like Jakarta. It's as if people--or their ancestors--moved to Jakarta, but they retained the mores and customs of the countryside. Oh yes, they'll go to Senayan City on the weekends all decked out, drive up in their new car, flash their fancy BB and sprinkle their language with English (often with terms that do not exist in English. For example, "refreshing" as in relaxing and time off), all in effort to show off their alleged modernity and to signal that they have arrived. The reality is that their attitudes, mores and customs more than give them away as urban hicks.
    Last edited by Hombre de Maiz; 19-02-13, 15:11.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Bakpia View Post
      Maybe I should make it more clear for you a bit:
      - It can happen to sexually active people that at some certain point their contraception fails or that sometimes people, especially in a more serious relationship, don't do it safe. Sometimes that results in pregnancy. Seems logic to me, that in a country with a huge population like Indonesia, it happens here as well...
      - Since bule as well as Indonesian people can be sexually active, of course can happen that some foreign guy gets an Indonesian girl pregnant or the other way around.
      - Foreign people don't need to have an affair to make a local pregnant, it can also happen in a serious monogamous relationship.
      - Getting pregnant outside marriage can be a conscious choose, I have friends and family who choose to live together and have a baby without getting married... in the Netherlands. Up there they don't care, if the parents have a serious relationship it is no weird choice at all... But this is not the Netherlands, this is Indonesia and these cultures are different on this point. In general it seems that for Indonesian culture marriage is a must if you want to have children, which brings me to the next point;
      - if a girl gets pregnant, they usually ask to get married soon. That's why they have the term mba, because they do that up here.
      - Well I don't say directly that Indonesian babies will get kicked out of the family and Indo-foreign babies will be easier to be accepted, I just start this tread with an illustration of stories I've heard. If I would 'know the answer', I probably wouldn't have started this tread would I? However my experience is that local people usually look different upon foreign people and stories about us seems to travel a bit faster and further. Meaning it could be possible that if this mba thing happens to foreign-Indonesian couple, the reaction could be different than with an Indonesian couple.

      For the answer, I know it all depends, it would be different if you knock up a daughter of an FPI member after a wild night or you make your fiancee with liberal parents pregnant 1 month before the marriage. Or you as a foreign female gets pregnant by a long time Indonesian boyfriend (somehow I always miss these things happening to foreign females?). That's why I ask about experiences, because they can differ...

      Hope I make myself clear now...
      Seems you had an answer in mind when you asked the question. The only truism I can glean from your screed is that you know very little about Indonesian customs, habits and mores. Hope that's clear, as well.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Hombre de Maiz View Post
        Yes, I know. I have often marveled at the persistence of these rural, conservative modes of behaviour. It is even more surprising to find them in places like Jakarta. It's as if people--or their ancestors--moved to Jakarta, but they retained the mores and customs of the countryside. Oh yes, they'll go to Senayan City on the weekends all decked out, drive up in their new car, flash their fancy BB and sprinkle their language with English (often with terms that do not exist in English. For example, "refreshing" as in relaxing and time off), all in effort to show off their alleged modernity and to signal that they have arrived. The reality is that their attitudes, mores and customs more than give them away as urban hicks.
        Modernity does not necessarily lead to people embracing a more relaxed sexual mores. Although the New Order has modernised not only the sexual knowledge of people and their body during a massive campaign for family planning, a little support, if any, was given to sexually active couples outside 'the sacred union' supported by the state and religious institutions.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by waarmstrong View Post
          Seems you had an answer in mind when you asked the question. The only truism I can glean from your screed is that you know very little about Indonesian customs, habits and mores. Hope that's clear, as well.
          Instead of a gratuitous attack on the poster why not inform us about Indonesian customs and add something to the discussion?
          "[COLOR=#000000][FONT=Helvetica Neue]I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.[/FONT][/COLOR]"
          George Bernard Shaw

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          • #20
            Originally posted by lantern View Post
            Instead of a gratuitous attack on the poster why not inform us about Indonesian customs and add something to the discussion?
            That's an excellent point! I really hope Waarmstrong would be so kind to enlighten me about Indonesian customs on this topic since I obviously am so clueless about Indonesian culture...

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            • #21
              Interesting tread.. Just read anyway

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Bakpia View Post
                @Miss Naughty; but in the case they do get married at KUA and everything, the neighbours don't start asking questions when the child is born after less than 9 months?
                Originally posted by Bakpia View Post
                That's an excellent point! I really hope Waarmstrong would be so kind to enlighten me about Indonesian customs on this topic since I obviously am so clueless about Indonesian culture...
                I was just being silly with my answers. I had the same feeling like some other posters that your post isn't genuine. But let me try to give my opinion base on my experience.

                I think there is no different treatment whether the baby father is foreigner or not. It all depends on the family of the girl. It is the norm here that you shouldn't have sex before marriage and I don't think the Indonesians are ready for it yet. It will give a bad name to the family if 'accident' happen, for both families.. the girl and the boy. Therefore, we have the term 'married by accident' because most of the cases, the marriage happen because of consolidation of both families, not because the couple being responsible for what they have done. Marriage solve the problem, no one will get 'kicked out' and everybody is happy.

                When it comes to a foreign man. How can you push a foreign man to marry just because you are pregnant? If he loves you.. yes, it is possible. But what if it is only a one nite stand? Then the family must accept it with the big heart. The foreign guy doesn't want to marry her, what else can you do? Just be happy and look at the positive side.. a beautiful baby that is on the way.

                There is no custom or culture when it comes to your children. No parents would want to 'kicked out' their children, that is why they push on a marriage when there is an 'accident'. All girls (from different background) that I know of that have a baby out of wedlock are well taken care of by their family. Where else they can turn to anyway?

                My university mate that now working as a Head of Finance in a reputable MNC in Jakarta (high level education) had her daughter in her early 20s with a foreign guy who came to visit Indonesia (nightmare!!!). A high school friend (very rich girl) got pregnant by her Aussie BF (she careless about people around her anw). Another university mate had a baby when she was in Highschool with her Indo BF (now married to a famous Indo singer .. ), My maid was pregnant by I don't know who... All of these girls got a lot of supports from their family and good friends. So, in my experience I never seen anyone get kicked out by their family because pregnant out of wedlock. If the wedding doesn't happen, then the only thing family can do is .. supporting her.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Bakpia View Post
                  That's an excellent point! I really hope Waarmstrong would be so kind to enlighten me about Indonesian customs on this topic since I obviously am so clueless about Indonesian culture...
                  Enlighten yourself. I do not presume to know, as you do, the Indonesian moral compass pointers on mixed versus solely Indonesian children born outside of marriage. I will defer to the Indonesian members of the Forum for comment with at least the color of authority.

                  When your further research, which I would assume will includes pregnancies from knocking up the daughters of FPI members, is completed, I am sure it will make interesting reading.

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