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Wondering what happens after married by accident with indonesian-foreigner

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  • Wondering what happens after married by accident with indonesian-foreigner

    A year ago one of my friend's cousin (indonesian) got pregnant by some foreign guy outside wedlock, and since this guy was already married it was impossible for them to get married so the child was born out of wedlock. I would say normally this would be 'shamefull' for the family, but apparantly the family was really happy with this half-bule in their family and accepted the baby as soon as it was born.
    This year I heard from another friend of mine, who had a brother (Indonesian) and had gotten his girlfriend (also Indonesian) pregnant, but here things turned out a little different. They got kicked out of the house and weren't allowed to return for almost 5 years since they brought shame on the family. It sounded a bit harsh when I heard that.
    So recently I happened to have a conversation with my Italian friend and his Indonesian wife and both say it happens often that a couple gets married rather suddenly and after maybe 6-7 months have their first baby. But since they're married nobody seems to care.
    So I just wonder how is the experience usually when this happens with indonesian-foreign couple, they get kicked out of the family or what?

  • #2
    Yeah, usually they're quite happy with my mixed child, even when it's a bastard. So we can stay in the family...till I find a new girl of course.
    [FONT=arial black]
    [/FONT]

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    • #3
      No comment.

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      • #4
        Not sure what jstar is trying to say there...or achieve.

        Bakpia...it varies greatly to both extremes...just depends on so many things. Religion, family background, ethnicity... In Australia, this is a very common occurrence and is widely tolerated. There would be people in Australia who would be considered "old fashioned" though and still shun the couple/parents/baby.
        Last edited by Michelle O'Brien; 18-02-13, 20:52. Reason: Did not edit - accident
        Things happen for a reason...

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        • #5
          Originally posted by jstar View Post
          Yeah, usually they're quite happy with my mixed child, even when it's a bastard. So we can stay in the family...till I find a new girl of course.
          I assume this is an attempt at sarcastic humor. A failed attempt from my perspective.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by waarmstrong View Post
            I assume this is an attempt at sarcastic humor. A failed attempt from my perspective.
            Mmmm... I would have to agree.
            Things happen for a reason...

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Bakpia View Post
              A year ago one of my friend's cousin (indonesian) got pregnant by some foreign guy outside wedlock, and since this guy was already married it was impossible for them to get married so the child was born out of wedlock. I would say normally this would be 'shamefull' for the family, but apparantly the family was really happy with this half-bule in their family and accepted the baby as soon as it was born.
              This year I heard from another friend of mine, who had a brother (Indonesian) and had gotten his girlfriend (also Indonesian) pregnant, but here things turned out a little different. They got kicked out of the house and weren't allowed to return for almost 5 years since they brought shame on the family. It sounded a bit harsh when I heard that.
              So recently I happened to have a conversation with my Italian friend and his Indonesian wife and both say it happens often that a couple gets married rather suddenly and after maybe 6-7 months have their first baby. But since they're married nobody seems to care.
              So I just wonder how is the experience usually when this happens with indonesian-foreign couple, they get kicked out of the family or what?
              When there is no wedding? Usually they got kicked out. If, the foreign guy marry the girl then all is okay. But if there is no marriage the girl will bring ashamed to the family.. because the neighbours will start the gossip like this..."oh..which client that got her pregnant?". If they are both Indonesian and young couple the gossip would be.. "poor parents can not control their daughter"...
              Last edited by Missnaughty; 19-02-13, 05:59.

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              • #8
                Ah, so you guys think it's normal to have all the cliches in a single post as a 'serious' question? Come on.

                The question was not: 'what do people in your country think about children born in wedlock', but: [COLOR=#333333]So I just wonder how is the experience usually when this happens with indonesian-foreign couple, they get kicked out of the family or what[/COLOR]

                If you still don't get it, here we go with the basic assumptions and underlying thoughts in the whole story:
                - a lot of people still have unprotected sex
                - a mixed baby (half bule?) out of wedlock will be easier accepted by Indonesian people
                - if it's an Indonesian baby you get kicked out of the unloving family
                - one has to get married if a girl is pregnant
                - getting pregnant can not be a conscious choice but s always an accident when not married
                - there are a lot of bules around who (usually) knock up girls, or have affairs

                And an answer like: It depends (on religion, family background, blah blah blah) is really revealing and clarifying, right? All motherhood and apple pie.

                Anyway, I'll refrain from comments as of now. Be my guest.
                [FONT=arial black]
                [/FONT]

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by jstar View Post
                  Ah, so you guys think it's normal to have all the cliches in a single post as a 'serious' question? Come on.

                  The question was not: 'what do people in your country think about children born in wedlock', but: [COLOR=#333333]So I just wonder how is the experience usually when this happens with indonesian-foreign couple, they get kicked out of the family or what[/COLOR]

                  If you still don't get it, here we go with the basic assumptions and underlying thoughts in the whole story:
                  - a lot of people still have unprotected sex
                  -
                  a mixed baby (half bule?) out of wedlock will be easier accepted by Indonesian people
                  - if it's an Indonesian baby you get kicked out of the unloving family
                  - one has to get married if a girl is pregnant
                  - getting pregnant can not be a conscious choice but s always an accident when not married
                  - there are a lot of bules around who (usually) knock up girls, or have affairs

                  And an answer like: It depends (on religion, family background, blah blah blah) is really revealing and clarifying, right? All motherhood and apple pie.

                  Anyway, I'll refrain from comments as of now. Be my guest.


                  Why, think Sinetron, Modelling work, advertising, and so on ... $$$$$$$$$$ Hypocrisy!
                  IknowthatyoubelieveyouunderstandwhatyouthinkIsaid, butI'mnotsureyourealisethatwhatyouheardisnotwhatI meant.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by jstar View Post
                    Ah, so you guys think it's normal to have all the cliches in a single post as a 'serious' question? Come on.

                    The question was not: 'what do people in your country think about children born in wedlock', but: [COLOR=#333333]So I just wonder how is the experience usually when this happens with indonesian-foreign couple, they get kicked out of the family or what[/COLOR]

                    If you still don't get it, here we go with the basic assumptions and underlying thoughts in the whole story:
                    - a lot of people still have unprotected sex
                    - a mixed baby (half bule?) out of wedlock will be easier accepted by Indonesian people
                    - if it's an Indonesian baby you get kicked out of the unloving family
                    - one has to get married if a girl is pregnant
                    - getting pregnant can not be a conscious choice but s always an accident when not married
                    - there are a lot of bules around who (usually) knock up girls, or have affairs

                    And an answer like: It depends (on religion, family background, blah blah blah) is really revealing and clarifying, right? All motherhood and apple pie.

                    Anyway, I'll refrain from comments as of now. Be my guest.
                    I'm not really sure where you got those basic assumptions... Maybe those are more based on your experience than my question?

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                    • #11
                      @Miss Naughty; but in the case they do get married at KUA and everything, the neighbours don't start asking questions when the child is born after less than 9 months?

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                      • #12
                        The neighbors should not ask any questions at all regardless of whether the child is born on month X or Y or the child is born with three heads. It is none of their business. Plain and simple.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by jstar View Post
                          Ah, so you guys think it's normal to have all the cliches in a single post as a 'serious' question? Come on.

                          The question was not: 'what do people in your country think about children born in wedlock', but: [COLOR=#333333]So I just wonder how is the experience usually when this happens with indonesian-foreign couple, they get kicked out of the family or what[/COLOR]

                          If you still don't get it, here we go with the basic assumptions and underlying thoughts in the whole story:
                          - a lot of people still have unprotected sex
                          - a mixed baby (half bule?) out of wedlock will be easier accepted by Indonesian people
                          - if it's an Indonesian baby you get kicked out of the unloving family
                          - one has to get married if a girl is pregnant
                          - getting pregnant can not be a conscious choice but s always an accident when not married
                          - there are a lot of bules around who (usually) knock up girls, or have affairs

                          And an answer like: It depends (on religion, family background, blah blah blah) is really revealing and clarifying, right? All motherhood and apple pie.

                          Anyway, I'll refrain from comments as of now. Be my guest.
                          Maybe I should make it more clear for you a bit:
                          - It can happen to sexually active people that at some certain point their contraception fails or that sometimes people, especially in a more serious relationship, don't do it safe. Sometimes that results in pregnancy. Seems logic to me, that in a country with a huge population like Indonesia, it happens here as well...
                          - Since bule as well as Indonesian people can be sexually active, of course can happen that some foreign guy gets an Indonesian girl pregnant or the other way around.
                          - Foreign people don't need to have an affair to make a local pregnant, it can also happen in a serious monogamous relationship.
                          - Getting pregnant outside marriage can be a conscious choose, I have friends and family who choose to live together and have a baby without getting married... in the Netherlands. Up there they don't care, if the parents have a serious relationship it is no weird choice at all... But this is not the Netherlands, this is Indonesia and these cultures are different on this point. In general it seems that for Indonesian culture marriage is a must if you want to have children, which brings me to the next point;
                          - if a girl gets pregnant, they usually ask to get married soon. That's why they have the term mba, because they do that up here.
                          - Well I don't say directly that Indonesian babies will get kicked out of the family and Indo-foreign babies will be easier to be accepted, I just start this tread with an illustration of stories I've heard. If I would 'know the answer', I probably wouldn't have started this tread would I? However my experience is that local people usually look different upon foreign people and stories about us seems to travel a bit faster and further. Meaning it could be possible that if this mba thing happens to foreign-Indonesian couple, the reaction could be different than with an Indonesian couple.

                          For the answer, I know it all depends, it would be different if you knock up a daughter of an FPI member after a wild night or you make your fiancee with liberal parents pregnant 1 month before the marriage. Or you as a foreign female gets pregnant by a long time Indonesian boyfriend (somehow I always miss these things happening to foreign females?). That's why I ask about experiences, because they can differ...

                          Hope I make myself clear now...

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by jstar View Post
                            Ah, so you guys think it's normal to have all the cliches in a single post as a 'serious' question? Come on.

                            The question was not: 'what do people in your country think about children born in wedlock', but: [COLOR=#333333]So I just wonder how is the experience usually when this happens with indonesian-foreign couple, they get kicked out of the family or what[/COLOR]

                            If you still don't get it, here we go with the basic assumptions and underlying thoughts in the whole story:
                            - a lot of people still have unprotected sex
                            - a mixed baby (half bule?) out of wedlock will be easier accepted by Indonesian people
                            - if it's an Indonesian baby you get kicked out of the unloving family
                            - one has to get married if a girl is pregnant
                            - getting pregnant can not be a conscious choice but s always an accident when not married
                            - there are a lot of bules around who (usually) knock up girls, or have affairs

                            And an answer like: It depends (on religion, family background, blah blah blah) is really revealing and clarifying, right? All motherhood and apple pie.

                            Anyway, I'll refrain from comments as of now. Be my guest.
                            I think there are basic assumptions embedded in every question and the majority of those that you identified are not exactly earth shattering.
                            "[COLOR=#000000][FONT=Helvetica Neue]I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.[/FONT][/COLOR]"
                            George Bernard Shaw

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Hombre de Maiz View Post
                              The neighbors should not ask any questions at all regardless of whether the child is born on month X or Y or the child is born with three heads. It is none of their business. Plain and simple.
                              Neighbors won't ask.. they just gossip and staring at you every time you pass by their house.

                              If the couple get married... not much excitement in gossiping a married couple is it?

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