View Full Version : searching for someone just married in Indonesia
Hi
I am new to this forum. And I am here because I am trying to track someone down in either Bali or Jakarta. Not sure how I go about it but I found this website and I guess this is one of the best places to come for starters advice:smile:.
To be upfront, I am looking for my ex-husband (German) who has been avoiding child maintenance for the last 2 years:frown:. He ran when the kids were 1 and 2yrs old and left me to pick up the pieces and hold the ship together...:frown: After 2 years I finally managed to get a court order ordering him to pay the minimum allowable maintenance. But after a couple years of half-hearted payments he wheedled out of that by disappearing overseas. At first I thought he was still in Europe, in Ibiza, but I was told earlier this year that instead he had moved permanently to Indonesia. Now I believe he might have just got married in Indonesia to a local girl. From the info I have just learnt, one needs to go through a ton of paperwork. This made me think that his details would be in the public domain and this might make the job of tracking him down easier.
So, is there anyone out there who might be able to help or offer some kind of helpful advice ??
I (on behalf of my hungry children, who are now 8 & 9!!) would be most grateful...
Your children are hungry ? Do you not think that after 7 years it might be time for you to get a job ?
Puspawarna
18-06-10, 07:35
kingwilly, that was gratuitous cruelty directed at a woman you've never met, whose life you know nothing about.
hpmum, I'm sorry for your troubles. I'm afraid I can't help, other than to suggest that you might check with the German embassy in Indonesia. First, if your ex truly wanted to register the marriage as something recognized in Germany, I'm pretty sure he'd have to go through them. (Although I think he could get married locally without taking that step - I have no real idea, other forum members know much better than I do.) Second, I don't know about Germany, but I think the Americans do devote some resources to tracking down deadbeat dads in foreign countries. So maybe they have staff there who are assigned to helping people like you, I really don't know. It's certainly worth asking.
kingwilly, that was gratuitous cruelty directed at a woman you've never met, whose life you know nothing about.
gratuitous cruelty ? gimmi a break, having been a victim of western based family court values, she will not get any sympathy from me. None, at all.
Good to see that you're happy to fulfil the 'knight in shining armour role' against these deadbeat dads, world needs more of them I say!
I get the idea you are both right and both wrong.
We know bog all about the situation. Assuming the OP isn't telling porkies the husband sounds like a very naughty boy but she could just as easily be a total ratbag who drove him away after screwing him for every penny he had and is after him for more.
Whatever way round the truth may be, she has little or no chance of finding him on guesses and with almost no information passed on.
The other thing that comes to mind is that he may have sod all to give her even if it is all true.
Doesn't sound like he has work so unless he has cash hidden away, she has no chance anyway.
waarmstrong
18-06-10, 10:52
... having been a victim of western based family court values, she will not get any sympathy from me.
I, know nothing of KW's experience, nor that of the OP, but my experience practicing a bit of family law in the US is that there is likely no more bitter contest that between splitting spouses with children. There are horror stories on both sides and, I know its a cliché now, but the primary losers are the children. Family courts are not infallible but more often that not they come to a fair resolution. While often viewed as favoring one side, impartial observers can usually conclude a judgment is even-handed -- usually leaving one spouse with the children and the other helping to support them by making regular payments through a court or government administered program. It tends to magnify the bitterness of the paying spouse, but I don't know a better way.
Most impartial observers also conclude that one who flees the jurisdiction to avoid their court order obligations is in the wrong. If the judgment is unfair, appeal and get it changed.
Sorry I cannot help locate the absconding father. I hope the OP finds him and is able get her court order enforced.
Cryptkeeper
18-06-10, 13:49
Go to a certain type of military personnel. If he's in Indonesia, they'll find him. I don't mean this like reporting him to the police office or something like that, but you should look for some kind of "private service". Some of them are active / still in service and some not, but like I said, if he's in Indonesia (and you have the right amount of money of course..lol) they'll find him.
I don't have any recommendation. Good luck!
Like a PI?
Unregulated blood sucking scums here's one I found. They live off misery and causing problems were there were none before www.indopi.com/cheating_husbands.html
Cryptkeeper
18-06-10, 14:49
I have no idea what / of whom the writer on that link referring to. Looks like it's just some fancy blood sucking scums (yeah, I agree with you). Private detective wears hat, yeah right.. lol. I was talking about the real world, real life "investigator".
hpmum Im curious as to what you intend to do if you locate him. At least one of the reasons he came to Indonesia was to avoid having to assist with taking care of your children financialy and he has succeeded. I'm sure there is no extradition between Indonesia and Germany for deadbeat dads. He has taken off and as long as he lives in Indonesia he will get away without having to pay for them.
I see three possible motives to locate him and all three won't get you the money the court ordered him to pay. One is to plead some more for him to cough up the money every month? That hasn't worked in the past and little chance it will anymore. Two involves broken/crushed bones and or cartilage three involves a death.
No two ways about it. You are going to have to care for your children completely on your own. Go to the courts in Germany and make them aware of this new development regarding him moving to another country possibly Indonesia. At that time or after they should put out a warrant for his arrest if it's anything like it is in North America. If he comes back to Germany you will then have your man. Justice served but possibly still no money. A man has an obligation to pay his share to care for his childrens lives and well being. I am highly suspicious of any man who doesn't have this obligation within regardless of any court order.
ok. I guess background is necessary to prevent scurrilous comments !!
Ex left me high and dry 7 years ago. I work, pay a mortgage, feed, clothe, educate, and organise sports, music, activities etc for the kids; albeit always on a tightly managed budget. Infact, Ex lived in the house I owned; never the other way round. He actually is wealthy (inherited a lot/ invested wisely / blew some too!!); just selfish. My comment "hungry kids" was directed towards the fact Ex pays nothing and has not even spoken to them in 5 years, not even sent Birthday/Christmas cards... Fact is, that if I wasn't strong, resourceful and responsible the kids would have suffered terribly. Not just financially. Ex ran away as fatherhood didnt "suit" him; he was/is also an abusive alcoholic. I was actually quite happy, in one respect, that he left, so the kids souls were not destroyed by his demons and we had peace. However, the fact remains that he does have children and should be financially responsible towards them. It is quite normal for a mother to request that a father contributes towards his offspring. In this instance it is not about bleeding him dry cos I do nothing. I struggle and work very hard to hold everything together. I compromise my life to give the kids everything; whereas he has travelled the world. I have been so busy working and taking care of "things" that in 7 years I have not dated even once. And for what it is worth, I am pretty enough to have graced the covers of magazines...(for my business exploits, not modelling)
Because I was struggling and knew he was leading a free life I went to the German courts and got a court order for him to pay the minimum maintenance. He hid all his assets and shares in the name of his uncle.. He only showed minimum income in his filed papers (much lower than real level) which meant the courts said the minimum should be paid. He paid less than he should. To be accurate, he paid £300/month total; muchless than he should have paid. The courts decreed he should contribute almost €1000. He stopped paying anything December 2008 and actually owes the children more than €20,000; increasing monthly. I went back to the German courts to try to force him to recommence payments. When the bailiffs turned up at his door to serve notice on him, they discovered he had given up German residency and allegedly gone to Spain. So then I spent many months trying to discover, through the various courts in Spain, if he was there so we could serve papers in Spain. Then a mutual friend let slip that he was working and living in Bali. The European Court Order is worth nothing in Indonesia. So if I wish to pursue him I have to start a new case in Indonesia....
I had almost given up.
Then 5 weeks ago I received an anonymous email from an Indonesian female alleging she was the Ex girlfriend of my Ex. She had evidently got my email address from his computer, unless it is a complete wind up, sick joke from someone... It was really badly written, hard to understand. But she poured her heart out about his bad behaviour, said she knew all about me and the kids etc and felt very sorry for me !! She also advised me that I should not believe a word he said about bad finances as he is living a good life on Bali island, had a nice house, good job etc. This email was a complete surprise. I have to admit that I kind of ignored it as she wasnt really giving me any info that I didn't already know or guessed I knew.
However, 3 days ago she wrote to me again.
This time I was completely thrown. She said that actually - she had just married him !
Now my blood is boiling.
Despite him being free to emotionally live his life however he wishes, if this email is to be believed, our kids now have an illiterate step-mum ! And he didn't even have the decency to tell us. I can only assume that this is a shot gun wedding, that the kids will soon have a step sister or brother.... And our kids will remain at the bottom of his financial pile...
This is why I have turned to this website/forum. It is really important to me to now get this situation sorted for the kids. To ensure that they are looked after in the correct manner by their father. No more; no less.
I hope that somewhere out here in cyber space there is someone who knows him, knows how to track him down in Bali. Then I can rest knowing that I did my best for the children....
With thanks.
Actually Kingwilly, perhaps you are my Ex !! This is just the kind of pseudonym he would create for himself, and just the kind of misguided comments he would make...!!
waarmstrong
18-06-10, 16:45
Like a PI?
Unregulated blood sucking scums here's one I found. They live off misery and causing problems were there were none before www.indopi.com/cheating_husbands.html
My mistake. I though you were making a referral to a lawyer.
This is why I have turned to this website/forum. It is really important to me to now get this situation sorted for the kids. To ensure that they are looked after in the correct manner by their father. No more; no less.
Really ? The best interests of the kids ?
Now my blood is boiling.
Despite him being free to emotionally live his life however he wishes, if this email is to be believed, our kids now have an illiterate step-mum !
I was actually quite happy, in one respect, that he left, so the kids souls were not destroyed by his demons and we had peace. However, the fact remains that he does have children and should be financially responsible towards them. It is quite normal for a mother to request that a father contributes towards his offspring.
I have been so busy working and taking care of "things" that in 7 years I have not dated even once. And for what it is worth, I am pretty enough to have graced the covers of magazines...(for my business exploits, not modelling)
My mum, tole me not to say anything if I cant be nice.....
Actually Kingwilly, perhaps you are my Ex !! This is just the kind of pseudonym he would create for himself, and just the kind of misguided comments he would make...!!
KW you are in trouble! <sarcasm>
Btw to the OP, it seems like your husband is a big basterd and my advice is just let go of him. If you have your own means to support your kids then don't expect anything from this kind of person ( your ex). I'm telling you this because I grew up without seeing my dad, oh actually i saw him when I was 18 and give me 20 USD. Crap!. He left us when I was 4 years old and my sister is just new born. He, in fact work as an engineer in Saudi Arabia and never send us even a penny.I already told this life-story of mine in the other thread. My mum did her best to support us and never in her life asked my dad or obliged him to support us because she knows it is very useless. If he is willing to support us financially, then it doesn't need any court or law order for him to do it. You see, if if there's a will, there's a way! And he will always find his ways to avoid his responsibilities. I know you are in a difficult situation but I think what you can do is strive for your children and forget about that looser!
Actually Kingwilly, perhaps you are my Ex !! This is just the kind of pseudonym he would create for himself, and just the kind of misguided comments he would make...!!
I can't see you being KW's type. He's into ladies who are, how can I be nice? less wanting marriage and more wanting paying.
OK Mrs/Ms/Miss OP. If you want to find the bloke pop his name up and real details like age, last known address and so on.
Photos would make life easier for you as well.
My mum, tole me not to say anything if I cant be nice.....
Yer man. Did you take any notice? :biggrin:
I can't see you being KW's type. He's into ladies who are, how can I be nice? less wanting marriage and more wanting paying.
ll.
hahahahaha lol Mas fred!
I can't see you being KW's type. He's into ladies who are, how can I be nice? less wanting marriage and more wanting paying.
HEY!
Whaddya mean by that ? I dont pay for company, as Oscar Wilde says, you pay them to go home in the morning!
Besides, I like my ladies, ...erm... more on the previously masculine side,,,,, if you know what I mean.....
;)
OK Mrs/Ms/Miss OP. If you want to find the bloke pop his name up and real details like age, last known address and so on.
Photos would make life easier for you as well.
Great, let's all convict and lynch this bloke all on the word of a brand new poster whom we've never met and know nothing about....
Yer man. Did you take any notice? :biggrin:
um, not really.,
;)
Puspawarna
18-06-10, 19:48
HEY! ... let's all convict and lynch this ... brand new poster whom we've never met and know nothing about....
Amazing what a few well placed ellipses can do to a post.
Trust needs to be earned, not given just cos he/she is new, and has a story to tell. (true or not) Let's not forget that we have not heard his side of it yet, I know one thing, there is always two sides to the story, innit there ?
Puspawarna
18-06-10, 19:57
Trust needs to be earned, not given just cos he/she is new, and has a story to tell. (true or not) Let's not forget that we have not heard his side of it yet, I know one thing, there is always two sides to the story, innit there ?
I fully agree that we should not attack someone when we have not heard the full story. Did someone do that in this thread?
Hombre de Maiz
18-06-10, 20:24
His passport will expire one day. He will have to go back to the German embassy/consulate here one day. As for getting $$ out of him, that will prove more difficult.
The gist of the matter is you have no chance of getting the judgment enforced by Indonesia. I don't even think Indonesian court system has the mechanism to enforce child support. The best that you could hope to achieve is to shame him to pay by showing his personal information here, but I need to tell you that most people here won't be party to it simply because we don't have the whole story.
I personally advise you to maintain a positive attitude. He's outside your reach, so being angry about him is not gonna do you a single ounce of good. I understand that you feel he robbed life out of you by saddling you with two kids, you being a pretty woman and all, but please also remember how precious those kids are. He might be a bad man, but at least he gave you two of your most prized possessions, don't you think?
waarmstrong
18-06-10, 23:40
The OP can probably do without the long-distance, garble-headed, moralistic, pop-psycho-analysis/advise. Leave the advise and moral support to close friends who actually know the score.
The OP can probably do without the long-distance, garble-headed, moralistic, pop-psycho-analysis/advise. Leave the advise and moral support to close friends who actually know the score.
Since there is absolutely nothing (legal) we can do to help her get the child support money, the OP can at least benefit from a little positive tone.
She bared her life story in a public forum, so I am not out of line in offering life advice. You have no problem with chastising the stupidity of several people coming here for help, yet you have a problem with my positive messages? Your way of caring for others (if you do care) is different than mine. If you can't accept that you'll be pissed off many, many more times, because I'm not taking your advice in this matter.
Thank you all for replying. Niggling comments aside, the story is as it is. I am not quite sure what other angle there can be to look from - Dad disappeared and doesn't pay. Kids are very well balanced and positive. I am balanced and positive too. I keep any anger I may occasionally feel about his lack of financial input hidden from them. I certainly have not told them of this recent development. Yes he is a bad man. Yes I do get on with my life. I certainly do not miss him !! I do not need therapy !!
Injun - thank you for the info that the Indonesian courts would not allow child support action. Is this really correct ? Is there somewhere for me to look to verify this ?
I guess I am not sure what the next steps are, or the end result.
The point of writing on such a forum was / is to ask about the marriage process and if there are potentially currently residency details available to view publicly. If he has got married, dont they have to fill out a Notice of Marriage ? Is that in the public domain ? Somewhere that I can search on-line for his details and his address ? Where do I look ? Are there details at various Civil Registry Offices ?
I have emailed the German Consular already this week, and so far had no reply.
He is involved in manufacturing and selling of products online, I believe, plus translation work and surfing. He first came to Bali in the Easter of 07. I know that cos the mutual friend told me in the summer 07 that they had met in Bali. I am not going to go down the route of naming him on a public forum...
I don't have anything in English.
Here is Undang Undang Perkawinan (Marriage Law) No. 1 Year 1974.
http://bsdm.bappenas.go.id/data/Perundangan/UU%20No.%201%20Tahun%201974%20Tentang%20Perkawinan .pdf
Pasal (Article) 41(b) says that the father is responsible for the child's entire cost of care and education. Problem: the law does not prescribe any penalty, so it's purely administrative. Besides, AFAIK it only applies to Indonesian marriage.
I'm not familiar with German law, but I don't think your consular office can do anything. Does German law allow the denial of consular service to German citizens on the ground of child support evasion?
Edit:
Now I think your first hunch was right, this is all just a sick joke. What are the chances of an ex finding out your email on his computer, and what are the chances of such girl marrying him? He knows damn well there's nothing you can do to him in Indonesia, so he concocted all this thing to rile you up.
Your children are hungry ? Do you not think that after 7 years it might be time for you to get a job ?
KW,
I understand that you may have had issues in the past with western based family court values but it does NOT authorize you to attack a poster the way you did, especially when you know nothing about her and her story. I don't read anything in her OP which infracts our rules. I see, at the opposite, reasons to infract your post with a 3 points infraction.
As a mod, I am a bit tired to have to point at you some of the basic rules of the forum or to issue multiple warnings. By registering here, you have agreed to respect them. Unfortunately you don't. The next infraction for excessive rudeness or insults toward a poster may trigger an automatic temporary ban.
We both have had issues in the past, and I encourage you to contact wm or paman to ask for a review of your infraction, should you have the feeling that it is has been issued unfairly. This is a right you have as per our rules.
No need to reply to my post/infraction on this thread. Feel free however to do it, if you feel the need to do it, via PM or by creating a new thread.
Spill it out HP Mom, what's his name?
I hope you people realise that if she publicly names him on this forum having claimed that he is a dead beat dad, publicly claimed that he is an alcoholic, publicly claimed that he has not fulfilled his court ordered responsibilities, publicly claimed that that she is liable to fall foul of the Indonesian Electronic Crimes Act, regardless of how many public warning Atlantis, super moderator gives me. And I dare say that more than a number of you would also be in trouble for inciting such and also attempting to sully his name.
I hope you people realise that if she publicly names him on this forum having claimed that he is a dead beat dad, publicly claimed that he is an alcoholic, publicly claimed that he has not fulfilled his court ordered responsibilities, publicly claimed that that she is liable to fall foul of the Indonesian Electronic Crimes Act, regardless of how many public warning Atlantis, super moderator gives me. And I dare say that more than a number of you would also be in trouble for inciting such and also attempting to sully his name.
She would be better not to name him.
However, she has the right to look for any advise or lead to find him herself or any advise to help to move on, using the forum for it. People who wants to help her are welcome to do so, on the board or via PM, as long as they do not quote his name. Those who don't have anything positive to contribute to help are invited to leave and ignore the thread.
Jeez... "she is liable to fall foul of the Indonesian Electronic Crimes Act"... I would be for one interested by an elaboration Pak KingWilly, S.H., M.H. Care to explain us how a non resident who can not be formally identified, posting very certainly from outside Indonesia, on a non resident forum, may be indicted with the indonesian ITE act? If she is in trouble, it would be more with us mods for posting the details of someone without his explicit authorization. Certainly not by the ITE act.
"And I dare say that more than a number of you would also be in trouble for inciting such and also attempting to sully his name". Same here, elaboration? The ITE law can't be opposed to any of the posters here for any of the posts made so far. Would they help her to find him, it would be the same. However, you seem to know your topic and I would see no objection with you developping, quoting us the reference of law which you for sure checked before doing your statement.
waarmstrong
19-06-10, 18:41
A law suite might work to flush him out. Lay the name on us.
ok. I guess background is necessary to prevent scurrilous comments !! Ex left me high and dry... He actually is selfish... I struggle and work very hard... I compromise my life to give the kids everything; whereas he has travelled the world... I have been so busy working and taking care of "things" that in 7 years I have not dated even once... Because I was struggling and knew he was leading a free life... Now my blood is boiling...Our kids now have an illiterate step-mum!... I can only assume that this is a shot gun wedding... And our kids will remain at the bottom of his financial pile...Etc...etc...
OK, as advised, don't spill it out HP Mom, let me spill it out (hope Atlantis classify my two-cents as constructive): You said that you'd moved on. But according to what you wrote; your anger, your self pity, bitterness and all the efforts you've done to search for this $%@#* ex husband, are clear evidence that you have not moved on.
Instead of burning your money to try to locate your ex, for the sake of your kids, please use it to see a good counselour, a shrink, to help you remove all those negative feeling. Move on and and be happy - those are the best revenge.
That's the funny thing about that English word 'if' innit? Means maybe, a future possibility, not a certainties. And you of all people know that one can be in breach of the law regardless of location, ok they aint gonna arrest her while she os overseas for it, but should she step into bali then could do so...
Oops. Misinterpretation is rife here.
Fuamnach - Self-pity and depression are a luxury I do not have time for !! Ha ha ha. I do not consider them part of my life. I am far too busy and happy to sit and fester over Ex. A recent report said that children laugh over 300 times a day; adults just 15 times ! I consider myself to be well over the average according to that report ! Dissecting my character is not important here, suffice it to say - for clarity - that I am happy, surround myself with positive, dynamic adults daily and have a house constantly full of giggling, fun, inspiring children. But... It would be abnormal for me not to have some moments when I am sad and angry that my choice of man, with whom to have children, was so far off par :-) On the whole I do not give him a moment's thought. Right now he is in my mind, hence this thread. And he is in my mind because someone alleging to be his new "wife" has been interrupting the balance of my normal existence with her emails, made me angry and made me - for this moment - more determined to fight for the financial rights of my children. My reasons for initiating this thread should not be misconstrued otherwise.
I most certainly do not need therapy :-)))) Despite not having dated in 7 years !! Whilst I know this might seem weird to most, the peace and simplicity of being single has suited me. It is not martyrdom :-) The beautiful singer Lenny Kravitz lives his life similarly...
Yes I have, in the background of my life, had a German lawyer working on my behalf. The lawyer has been doing all the work for me: working out the amount of maintenance Ex owes, trying to search for him in Spain, and advising me that yes, I am completely stuffed whilst he is in Indonesia, due to the Hague Convention not covering Indonesia :-(( It has not cost me a fortune. And it has not cost me (wasted) hours of my life. Infact, Ex made contact with his own German lawyer earlier this year, instructed him to to talk to my lawyer, and Ex is now fully aware that my costs become his costs, on top of maintenance. That said I have been very careful to keep all costs absolutely minimal, not 000s...
For the record, neither of us are poor. But I have chosen expensive routes in life. I work hard and make compromises due to the routes I have chosen; such as private education for the children and expensive accommodation to maintain, run and pay for. He has been very fortunate to have inherited fortunes from unfortunate circumstances. But he has chosen inexpensive routes in life. And those financial responsibilities he does have, he selfishly runs away from. Too late, but I guess we were not a match made in heaven !! Put in writing here, as such, our differences are glaringly obvious !!
All of that said, Ex does have responsibilities. And I, as a responsible mother, am going to do the best I can to ensure that the kids get what they are due, now and from an inheritance perspective too. I am resourceful, hence I am here on this site asking for pointers in finding him. There is no need to go public on who he is, or who I am for that matter. As someone said earlier, I will use info eventually to find him. Ironically, it probably might take a trip to Indonesia with the kids for him to realise what a selfish irresponsible ** he is, before funds start materialising... But I can't muster up the energy to do that...
So...the question remains - if he really has got married, where do I look for his details ?
ps - as I am speaking the truth, "Truth is an absolute defence" in terms of any defamation claim ( if I was to name Ex (which I will not here) )
xxx
I don't think visiting Indonesia and meeting him face to face is going to make a difference from the legal standpoint. But if you think the sight of his children might convince him to pay up, then go for it. At least you're gonna have fun in Bali.
So...the question remains - if he really has got married, where do I look for his details ?
I am french and did marry in Indonesia. Upon marrying I had to obtain a letter, from my embassy in Jakarta, stating that I was not married in France (or wherever) and thus authorising me to marry under Indonesian law. After getting married here, I had to report my marriage to my embassy again which at its turn gave the information to the civil administration of my city of birth which is in charge of storing all documentation concerning my civil status (birth/marriage/divorce/death/...etc). It is also this civil administration that the embassy checked to find out if I was married or not, before issuing the letter authorising me to marry in Indonesia. German may (or may not have) the same administrative system and you may want to contact his city of birth administration to find out if it is the case or not. Just an idea. In France, these informations are public and I guess that in Germany it would be the same.
waarmstrong
20-06-10, 14:26
Not that I am stereotyping, but if the French keep such records then it would be a surprise to me if the anal number-crunching Germans do not do so, as well.
Merci Beaucoup Atlantis. ça c'est parfait.
Does anyone have a direct contact (email/name) at the German embassy in Indonesia for me to follow this up ?
Is there only one building or more on different islands ?
One email I received advised she was in Jakarta and Ex in Bali (for some bizarre reason. Or maybe she has family in Jakarta?) So are there 2 embassies, or just the one for Indonesia ?
Puspawarna
20-06-10, 16:38
Generally speaking (this is true for all countries, as far as I know), when one nation has diplomatic relations with another, each will have an embassy in the other nation's capital. However, it may be useful to have additional offices in other places outside of the capital, which are usually called "consulates." As it happens, Germany does have a consulate in Bali, as follows:
Germany Consulate , Indonesia
Jl. Pantai Karang No. 17, Batujimbar, Sanur
P.O.Box 100
Denpasar
Bali
Indonesia
Phone:
+62-361-288-535
Email:
[email protected]
Thank you.
What kind of hours do the embassies work?
Is it 10-4, with long lunchbreak !! ?? Or 9-5 ? Any ideas ? Just so I can gauge the correct / best time to call.
I actually think this might be the place I emailed and am yet to receive a reply. So I think calling might be the next best step.
Thank you.
What kind of hours do the embassies work?
Is it 10-4, with long lunchbreak !! ?? Or 9-5 ? Any ideas ? Just so I can gauge the correct / best time to call.
I actually think this might be the place I emailed and am yet to receive a reply. So I think calling might be the next best step.
http://www.jakarta.diplo.de/Vertretung/jakarta/de/02/Oeffnungszeiten/Oeffnungszeiten_20Jun-Feb.html
This is the direct link to the german embassy page about opening hours. You will find their phone and fax number in the same page. It should complete Puspawarna's info on the German consulate in Bali. The link I give you is about the German embassy, which is in JKT.
Not that I am stereotyping, but if the French keep such records then it would be a surprise to me if the anal number-crunching Germans do not do so, as well.
Without making a statement you just stereotyped.
waarmstrong
20-06-10, 18:44
Of course, I occasionally fall off the wagon, Pimpin. Statement was tongue in cheek, BTW.
Oh, caught the tongue missed the cheek. Got it.
OMG - thanks to one of you guys on a personal message I just input the "new wife's" email address on friendster (which I have never used before) and it came up with her name. And yes she is on facebook ( I dont have an account on that but it came up with her details immediately when I googled). Or rather there is a picture of a baby who looks quite like my EX :-(( Hmmmm
But her status appears to be single. Living in Jakarta...
Not quite sure what to do now...
Unless this is a sick joke from someone, her emails to me are beginning to make more sense now.
I suspect that she got pregnant and he ran. She somehow had my details and maybe panicked hoping that by contacting me she would find where he is. Maybe he then had a change of heart and went back. Maybe they have got married, maybe they haven't, but she just doesn't want me to now find him !!
I am guessing on all counts. But one of her emails did state that she knew a woman with child like me... Which immediately made me think that she had had a baby with Ex.
What a mess.
I have to admit that whilst I was pregnant with our first child I discovered that before he met me he had abandoned another girl in central america who he "thought" might have been pregnant :-(
Of course, the outsider reading this is going to now realise why I say I am better off without him !
Anyways, I have to go to bed now or I won't make the school run...
Cryptkeeper
21-06-10, 10:57
Wow!! I know I can be a pig sometimes but this guy is the a**hole!! I gotta find him, maybe I can learn a thing or two from him..lol
Cryptkeeper
21-06-10, 10:59
Oh, judging from your story, he is probably in Australia or Africa now.
Like a "kid on every continent" kind of story, you mean !
hmmm.
Cryptkeeper
21-06-10, 15:59
He scored in three so far.. no offense :)
If / when you do find him, please do the world a favor and tell him to get a vasectomy.
With this track record and having no idea what he has been doing in the last 5 years, there may be more anyway !!!
Cryptkeeper
21-06-10, 16:29
I guess now this is a "basi" idea.. You've mentioned that he's running some businesses in Bali (translating, surfing etc). You can try to call Telkom (Indonesia's telecommunication company, self explanatory :P) information: "108". So probably it'll be: [Indonesia's country code] - [Bali's region code] - 108. You can ask about the local translators listed, surfing shops, etc, and the owner. Or just tell the operator his name (or the girl's) and if you're lucky, you'll get the number and address. I believe some of the operators speak English. Probably a bit too late now.
There will always be another man like him, everywhere in the world..
My friend who has a facebook account, just told me that beside the picture of the baby, there is a birth date. She says that it mentions a birthdate of late 2009, which can't possibly relate to her account. It also lists her relationship as "its complicated"... I guess I could check birth registration details giving that specific date to see the listed father ???
Oh dear, what a mess he has made of his life !! I didn't quite expect this.
Sounds like his life is going along rosey. I think possibly the statement better suited here would be "Oh dear, what a mess he has made of so many peoples lives."
Cryptkeeper
21-06-10, 21:42
My friend who has a facebook account, just told me that beside the picture of the baby, there is a birth date. She says that it mentions a birthdate of late 2009, which can't possibly relate to her account. It also lists her relationship as "its complicated"... I guess I could check birth registration details giving that specific date to see the listed father ???
Oh dear, what a mess he has made of his life !! I didn't quite expect this.
I highly doubt such information would be available on line. Maybe you can go to "kantor catatan sipil" and ask.
CMIIW.
And I agree with pimpin..
My friend who has a facebook account, just told me that beside the picture of the baby, there is a birth date. She says that it mentions a birthdate of late 2009, which can't possibly relate to her account. It also lists her relationship as "its complicated"... I guess I could check birth registration details giving that specific date to see the listed father ???
Oh dear, what a mess he has made of his life !! I didn't quite expect this.
Sounds like you are beginning to stalk him.
What is your end game, seriously, what are you hoping to achieve ?
Stalk is the incorrect verb to use. There are 000s of miles between us. And a legal court order to be fulfilled.
To be honest I need to take a step back and look at everything that has transpired in the last few days and think about what to do.
I have been a bit thrown with the news of a 7m little girl coming in to the equation.
Don't forget that I have been championing my childrens' financial rights. Now there is yet another child involved. Mentally I had (selfishly) waived aside the potential first child as I had discovered that the mother (who never lived with my Ex) had married, has 2 more kids and is a financially successful well-known radio/tv personality in Central America. But I shouldnt discount the first either, really. So here we have 4 children, 3 of whom are abandoned by their father and the 4th, referring to her mum's emails, was clearly abandoned, before Ex succumbed (willingly or not) to a wedding after the birth... It is a ridiculous situation. What am I hoping to achieve? Don't know. I was hoping to track him down and somehow legally put pressure on him to pay. I was fired up. But when I sit back and realise how much time I have spent, like this last week, on trying to get him to be a responsible parent, in the end I realise that it is just me that ends up tired and fed up that I have wasted more valuable time. (I should be sleeping)
Anyways, bottom line, I guess, is that with a marriage and a baby it should surely be easier to locate him. What then happens, I don't know...
Honestly, I'm a bit tired of this soap opera.
Then go to bed and don't read anymore. One person's opera is another's reality. I came on this site to ask for advice on finding my Ex for all the beforementioned reasons. Not for an assassination of my character or disrespect over what I have gone through / am going through. Some people have been very helpful on this thread or privately messaging me. I will now take the info, all the leads, make the relevent calls etc and then maybe revert back with an update.
Many thanks.
Not for an assassination of my character
Yet, you are more than happy to do so of your xhusband...
king willy - I havent abandoned the kids with my Ex and I am not refusing to provide for them. I'm the saint here :-))) And seeing as I have not named him, it is irrelevent ! However you may have been bitten in the past, you cannot always project that set of circumstances on others....With respect, you need to take your own personal issues out of my thread and just look at it from a neutral perspective, or not at all.
Carrotcake - I am not looking to involve others in doing "work" for me. I came on this site to ask for anonymous help in locating my Ex. People have given some great advice and I am going to sit back and think what route to take and how I can best achieve the end result I want: i.e.: child maintenance arrears cleared and monthly maintenance paid. There is no need to give his or my name to anyone else. The advice offered anonymously has already helped me. Of course, there is always the chance that someone could happen to read this thread and recognise who my Ex is ;-) Or he might read it himself... Chess, poker, whatever... this is not a game. He has hidden from me and the kids for years to avoid paying. Now his "wife" has ironically opened a door to being able to finally find him and hold him to count. I will revert back, as said, as and when I have positive news for the kids...
I have always abhorred the victim role, but if you want to give me a virtual hug I accept ;-)
and hold him to count.
and herein lies your end game, it aint about the kids is it?
oh dear KW - that is a figure of speech. It means make him accountable / responsible for his children. So it is absolutely about standing up to make him financially responsible for the children, nothing else... I can't even begin to think what else this could have meant....there is nothing to read between the lines here.
In one sense it is about the kids. They may never have that man as their father in a fathering way so thats out of the question. Having some relief financialy could A) free hpmum up more so she could spend more time with her children B) free hpmum up from possible stress from having to do it all. That would make for a more calm, balanced mum with more energy to focus on herself (free adult) time and on the children.
If her story is basically true tell me how he is justified in pulling a runner A) on having anything physicaly and emotionaly to do with his children and B) on providing absolutely no finances to assist in their lives.
Phew. Thank you Pimpin. Perfectly said.
And on that note, I am off to crawl into bed :-)
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