View Full Version : Indonesian Husbands
Are there any other female expats here, who are married to Indonesian men?
Was thinking of maybe organising a get together.
Semut,
There is a GREAT group .. of foreign wives of Indonesians that meets monthly. See http://www.expat.or.id/orgs/foreignwives.html
They are very welcoming, helpful and FUN !
wm
thats one group I havent heard of ! Thanks ...
there's also another MSN group called OurIndonesianMen (all one word)... have been a member on that one for a few years now.
shelly9782
01-08-08, 02:28
wow this is Awesome. I am married to a Chinese Indonesian.
I know this is a touchy subject, but many of my friends always ask the question, do the indo men love me or my money!!!
How can you ever know for sure? I went out with a guy for a long time and he was a really good actor!
a really good actor? Did he play in sinetron? LOL ...
sorry I just couldnt help it
shelly9782
03-08-08, 01:29
Wish I was there right now I miss Jakarta, and going to taman anggrek mall
how long are you away for?
shelly9782
07-08-08, 09:57
3 weeks since ive been in jakarta i was there for 4 weeks with his family of 7 brothers and 8 sisters 9 people in the house including me 10
shelly9782
07-08-08, 10:10
My husband lived in the U.S I got him a green Card But when I lost my job He went back to Indonesia to work. His family ask him to go back because mom was not feeling well. So I told him, go and be with mom and I will come soon let me see this interview first for a job. I came later around June, he left in May for Jakarta. Then I stayed till middle July the family extended my stay intill my husband didnt know I have to register in the District so we got letter at the house. And I had to go back. Plus his sister 4 sister, Did not like that I wanted my husband to visit my family in California at times. She said " NO he will stay here and so will you " You forget about your family your family is nonexist now" I told them that is not fair" I come to visit you and this is how you treat my family when they love you. They didnt care. They just ignored me. And said He is not going back we took his documents.
I am a Singaporean married to Chinese Indonesian man . I am currently staying in Jakarta
shelly9782
12-08-08, 10:37
ic Wel; that is easier :)
My husband lived in the U.S I got him a green Card But when I lost my job He went back to Indonesia to work. His family ask him to go back because mom was not feeling well. So I told him, go and be with mom and I will come soon let me see this interview first for a job. I came later around June, he left in May for Jakarta. Then I stayed till middle July the family extended my stay intill my husband didnt know I have to register in the District so we got letter at the house. And I had to go back. Plus his sister 4 sister, Did not like that I wanted my husband to visit my family in California at times. She said " NO he will stay here and so will you " You forget about your family your family is nonexist now" I told them that is not fair" I come to visit you and this is how you treat my family when they love you. They didnt care. They just ignored me. And said He is not going back we took his documents.
So what happened thereafter?
regards
radit_bezit
12-08-08, 12:48
3 weeks since ive been in jakarta i was there for 4 weeks with his family of 7 brothers and 8 sisters 9 people in the house including me 10
waooww ... too much ppl in a house ..
i really hope that the house is big enough for you all ...
shelly9782
14-08-08, 12:49
Were just hanging in there. :O)
shelly9782
14-08-08, 12:50
I talked to alot of Chinese Indo and they said his family is very unique.
hi, i am from germany and married with a man from bukittinggi/sumatra. we have 2 little kids.
risingstar
20-11-08, 17:45
any expat wanny be my wife?? haha LOL just kidding
indonesian husband ? big no no
they maybe be look success currently, but soon you'll realize they are very lazy ones, so lazy that someday he will become poor one
trust me
I know this is a touchy subject, but many of my friends always ask the question, do the indo men love me or my money!!!
How can you ever know for sure? I went out with a guy for a long time and he was a really good actor!
I have exactly the same question.
Yes, sorry, I know this is about men...not for men. :(
Glenn
My husband lived in the U.S I got him a green Card But when I lost my job He went back to Indonesia to work. His family ask him to go back because mom was not feeling well. So I told him, go and be with mom and I will come soon let me see this interview first for a job. I came later around June, he left in May for Jakarta. Then I stayed till middle July the family extended my stay intill my husband didnt know I have to register in the District so we got letter at the house. And I had to go back. Plus his sister 4 sister, Did not like that I wanted my husband to visit my family in California at times. She said " NO he will stay here and so will you " You forget about your family your family is nonexist now" I told them that is not fair" I come to visit you and this is how you treat my family when they love you. They didnt care. They just ignored me. And said He is not going back we took his documents.
Based on your confessionals, I am going to ask you to look very carefully at your husband's behavior, activities and what he has said to you for the entire time you've known him. If he's really loyal to you, there will be signs that eyes which aren't blinded by "foolish" love will catch. I see signs that you've been used, but I don't know all of the details, so I can't really say for sure.
First of all, this is a patriarchal society, except for certain cultural groups (Minangkabau, for one), so there's no chance that her sister would have the right (or be brave enough) to take away his documents and force him to live there. He is the one in charge, not his sister, and I doubt even his father would force him to stay.
Second, what that wench and the rest of his family said to you smacks of something like misogyny, but on a family level. Indonesians, including the Chinese, are very family oriented, so it's very strange that they would want you to forget your family.
Third, however, that he left as soon as you lost your job on the pretext that his mom was suddenly ill is a bit much to believe. It sounds like a "polite" lie to avoid the truth.
Having said all that, you need to examine your life with him carefully. What is he saying to you now? Is he being a wuss and saying he can't come because his family won't let him? Is contact infrequent or hot and heavy? What's going on.
It might help you to write down everything that you can think of, positive and negative, that you can then examine to determine if he married you for love or money.
I wish you the best and I hope that everything will turn out okay. If you want to lay it out here, or PM me, for an outsider's viewpoint, I'll try to help -but you'll need to be very complete!
Glenn
anakbangsa77
29-05-09, 21:05
I'm Semarang man..and my wife is a canadian...never think to use her...bcoz we'r a great team....:D
for my wife >>> baby...i love you...
My ex-girl friend is half German.....
A met a dutch lass called Anna a couple of years back. She is married to a local bloke. We send the odd sms from time to time. She seems very happy and now have a child.
I hope things go well for them. :)
hey,
i´m german and i also got an indonesian boyfriend... he is living in java and i´m studying in germany so we don´t see each other very often.
i´d really like to know how all of you guys happened to get married? it seems so difficult to me because of different religions and all of these complicated visa regulations.
it would be really interesting to hear some stories about indo-bule marriages!
In my time here I have met more happily married expat woman/Indonesian man couples than unhappy ones, but the unhappy ones really have been quite extreme. Lazy husbands living like parasites off their wives, that kind of thing, plus fairly hardcore infidelity.
peacefullia
26-10-09, 18:54
I'm an Indonesian woman... say a BIG no to Indonesian men :whistle:
if only they learn better that women are equally human beings.
And oh... they're allergic to their women partners' success stories!
yet..... they stay in bed, lie all day long comfortably , daydream unstoppably :drama:
~had bad experiences with Indonesian men~
I am a mix-match Westerner, but living in Vancouver, and my husband is Indonesian (from Jakarta but working currently in Bali). He is not only an exceptional husband, but an amazing human being! He works extremely hard, treats me as an equal, gives me endless love and affection, and is my best friend! We have common values and morals, and although we have our own passions, we share many as well. I really could not ask for a better person to be with. The largest distinguishing factor between us, is of course our backgrounds. He was brought up as an Indonesian Muslim, and I was brought up in the Western world (and I am an Atheist). The religion difference takes no part in our relationship, we love each other and we respect each others beliefs.
My brother is married to an Indonesian woman, and they make an excellent couple too!
ps. I am a newly wed (married in August 09), and so I really look forward to learning more about my husbands culture and country!
Nice to meet other "married to Indonesian men" women!
waarmstrong
18-02-10, 21:44
Beautiful post, Cfesnoux. I hope your honeymoon continues without end.
Welcome to the Forum. We could use a few more positive members.
Beautiful post, Cfesnoux. I hope your honeymoon continues without end.
Welcome to the Forum. We could use a few more positive members.
Thank you Waarmstrong :)
I am looking forward to meeting other ExPats, both online and abroad. I am still in Vancouver now, however, I will be moving to Ubud in May to live with my husband while we wait for his application for Permanent Res. to Canada to be processed. We have been apart since October now (but I visited for 3 weeks over Christmas break), and I am getting very excited to be with him again- 2 months!!
Has anyone else have to go through long immigration processes apart?
Charlotte
Has anyone else have to go through long immigration processes apart?
Charlotte
Unfortunately for us, any expat wishing to live and work in indonesia has to go through tremendous amount of paperwork and long immigration processes.
Welcome to the Forum,Charlotte:)..
Carrot Cake
27-02-10, 00:20
I am Indonesian, married to an American. Not because I dont like/prefer Indonesian man. It is the other way around actually. They don't prefer me. All my life, only one Indonesian man ever asked me out.. and i think he's still in regret now. He he.
Wonder why.
I am Indonesian, married to an American. Not because I dont like/prefer Indonesian man. It is the other way around actually. They don't prefer me. All my life, only one Indonesian man ever asked me out.. and i think he's still in regret now. He he.
Wonder why.
CC, because you are probably a rebel!!! Atta girl :) My brother is married to an Indonesian girl (Kiky) from Makassar, and she is fiery!! I love her though :D
My husband is such a gentle soul, he is not a macho man at all . I love him so dearly, he balances out my womanly "hormonal" ways ;)
Welcome to the Forum,Charlotte:)..
Thank you Indo Mom :)
I look forward to chatting to you all in due time :)
BetawiBlonde
20-03-10, 14:25
How do you know for sure? Stop giving him money and see what happens. LOL.
I used to be with an Indonesian-Muslim who ripped my family off (yes he took tens-of-thousands of dollars from my poor mother!!). I am now blissfully married to an Indonesian-Chinese who is the sweetest most generous man I have ever met. You'll get good and bad seeds from any country, so it would be a mistake to make generalisations based on ethnicity. My advice would be to trust your gut.. If you are questioning if someone only wants you for the money, then possibly there is a valid reason for this feeling??
How do you know for sure? Stop giving him money and see what happens. LOL.
I used to be with an Indonesian-Muslim who ripped my family off (yes he took tens-of-thousands of dollars from my poor mother!!). I am now blissfully married to an Indonesian-Chinese who is the sweetest most generous man I have ever met. You'll get good and bad seeds from any country, so it would be a mistake to make generalisations based on ethnicity. My advice would be to trust your gut.. If you are questioning if someone only wants you for the money, then possibly there is a valid reason for this feeling??
Veryyyyy true!
travellingchez
29-08-10, 06:53
I'm married to a lovely Indonesian man. We have been happily married for 4 years.
I can say he's not at all lazy or after my money. He was quite clear that I had absolutely no money before we got married.
We support each other and he does more than his fair share in our relationship.
Now we are in the UK, he works really hard to support me while I continued with my studies (last count 5 jobs to make ends meet). Hopefully it won't be long until I get a job so he can ease up some.
I've met lots more women married to Indonesian men since being back in the UK. Only ever met a hand full when I was living in Indonesia.
kayoticlaudia
23-09-10, 13:11
Hi,
I've never been married..... Never crossed paths with anyone I was prepared to marry....
But I need to say that I have had my share of European (Bule) boyfriends and most of them were lazy! They fit the description some are giving of the Indonesians.....
AND my Indonesian boyfriend..... well he fits the description of what the Indonesian is NOT....
So I don't think you can generalize because to be quite frank : most of what people claim their race or nationality is or traits that they have (good ones of course) - well most times it is what these people wish they were!
I have met my share of lazy, unpunctual, cheating Germans and many Indonesians who were the opposite!
Cheers!:yield:
I am a NZ woman also married to an Indonesian man and I surpose after 13+ years of marriage, having lived in 3 different countries together and raised a fab 12 yr old daughter we must be doing something right as a couple and a family. There are lazy, money hungry men and women all round the world not just Indonesians. Is a cross cultural, mixed religion marriage easy...... hell no........... is it exciting........ hell yes. To all of you married to people of other cultures out there enjoy the differences they all make for a very exiting life.
I am a NZ woman also married to an Indonesian man and I surpose after 13+ years of marriage, having lived in 3 different countries together and raised a fab 12 yr old daughter we must be doing something right as a couple and a family. There are lazy, money hungry men and women all round the world not just Indonesians. Is a cross cultural, mixed religion marriage easy...... hell no........... is it exciting........ hell yes. To all of you married to people of other cultures out there enjoy the differences they all make for a very exiting life.
reading this one is so refreshing..
ponyexpress
14-06-11, 07:47
I know this is a touchy subject, but many of my friends always ask the question, do the indo men love me or my money!!!
How can you ever know for sure? I went out with a guy for a long time and he was a really good actor!
Well relationships between expats and Indonesians are always clouded with suspicion be it economical base or sexual reason. To find out whether someone loves you for money or not depends on people's experience I suppose.
If it is a good looking actor like Tom Cruise or Ashton Kutcher. Although have to end, many will not regret it, I suppose .
http://cdn.livinginindonesiaforum.org/images/smilies/crazy.gif
I know this is a touchy subject, but many of my friends always ask the question, do the indo men love me or my money!!!
How can you ever know for sure? I went out with a guy for a long time and he was a really good actor!
halimahyasmin
19-07-11, 11:18
:tongue1:
Hi there Semut...
And yes I'm an expat Ozzie lady married to and Indonesian,
it would be wonderful to be in contact with others married
to Indonesian men...my email address is
[email protected]
Dan juga ada hp nomor simpati...
Cheers to all,
Halimah
travellingchez
19-07-11, 23:00
Join the yahoo group C4. It's for expat women married to Indonesian guys. I think I just did a search or I might have found a link for it off the sister site. www.expat.co.id.
Hi I am an american female and have a child with an indonesian man from bali. We are not married and he has never met his daughter (shes 6 months old a& an american citizen).. its along story. He lives in Indo and I live in the US. I am considering bringing her to see him but am nervous because of Indonesian laws, does anyone here have any advice or been in a similar situation? Thanks!
Hi I am an american female and have a child with an indonesian man from bali. We are not married and he has never met his daughter (shes 6 months old a& an american citizen).. its along story. He lives in Indo and I live in the US. I am considering bringing her to see him but am nervous because of Indonesian laws, does anyone here have any advice or been in a similar situation? Thanks!Where was she born, and was the father named on the birth certificate?
Wait a minute, it seems like deja vu, because it is. You have asked this question before.
You are correct I have posted a similar post several months back. As I am in a unique situation I was hoping to find more information... advice from someone in a similar situation??
She was born in the US and he is not on the birth certificate...
Trust me never married to Indonesian. They all just after your money. I know 2 English married to Indonesian. BUT love is blind.
Trust me never married to Indonesian. They all just after your money. I know 2 English married to Indonesian. BUT love is blind.
May I ask why you sound so bitter?
Trust me never married to Indonesian. They all just after your money. I know 2 English married to Indonesian. BUT love is blind.
Interesting first post
Yes. Modsquad might enjoy a read.
waarmstrong
23-11-11, 11:40
Trust me never married to Indonesian. They all just after your money. I know 2 English married to Indonesian. BUT love is blind.
"Never" covers a lot of ground. You may be extrapolating a bit too far, especially if you have no direct experience and are relying on hear-say from only two, presumably, failed marriages where one of the partners was Indonesian and the other English. One could as easily conclude that the English partners were the cause of the failures. Of course, a more plausible explanation for your post is that you are simply a racist.
ponyexpress
23-11-11, 13:11
Yes. Modsquad might enjoy a read.
I did enjoy reading it! I also enjoyed responding to the poster!
Ya, had a hunch.
Hey just had another one too.
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