View Full Version : Mommy, what is free sex ?
Thats my friends, is what my just turned to 8 yo texted me.
HELP ..! I知 in panic time now. I know one day I will have to explain this to my kids along with other necessary explanations about man-woman relationship things but never thought that it will be today. I知 not ready yet ..! What can I tell her ..???
Firstly, I would not do it via sms...
and sit down, tell her the truth. (and the whole story). Start with sex between husband and wife...
travellingchez
17-07-12, 14:39
Say it's something a man and a woman sometimes do when they are in love before they are married.
Free sex doesn't mean what many Indonesian's seem to think which is having sex with anyone and everyone. While some people do enjoy sleeping with many people outside of a relationship I wouldn't necessary say this is the norm for most. A large number have sex before marriage when they are in a relationship.
Maybe you could sit her down and sound her out to find exactly what she may know and understand. Then take it from there. She may not understand as much as you think.
Good Luck,
Ray:)
ponyexpress
17-07-12, 15:10
I will not tell her about sex in a moralistic sense or right or wrong. There will surely be questions popping up after that. But it all depends on your view on sex. If you think sex before marriage is fine then you should tell her why it's fine.
I'd say wait until they reach puberty, then you tell them everything, including condom use. It'll get tough to control their sexual activities after puberty. Just say something like, "Tunggu sampe kamu udah SMP deh baru mama kasih tau". At this stage they may get disgusted of what they hear and what you say may eventually get out of the window.
Abook looty
17-07-12, 18:08
Maybe you could sit her down and sound her out to find exactly what she may know and understand. Then take it from there. She may not understand as much as you think.
Good Luck,
Ray:)
exatcly, the kid is probably not as knowledgeable as you thought before....
Tell her it is a Yorkshire term...it means free sacks... big bags to put coal or sticks in ;)
And, what is free sex? Does it mean that there is no charge?
Hombre de Maiz
17-07-12, 19:38
What one was going to end up doing before the car ran off the road and landed in the gully?
Tell her there is no such thing as 'free sex' in Indonesia...
...everyone pays one way or another
ScooterIndo
17-07-12, 21:26
Tell her that the term "free sex" is a remnent of the English language used to originally describe the behavior and attitudes of hippies in the 1960s and 70s who were now able to have multiple partners outside of marriage due to the advent of the contraceptive pill. This and the changing attitudes of the younger generations towards the institution of conventional marriage gave rise to the expression free sex.
It is still used by indonesians that have no idea of what the expression really means yet apply it to mean sex outside of a marriage which is completely misguided and wrong. It just meant sex free from the worry of pregnancy for the first time ever.
Abook looty
17-07-12, 21:57
Or you can just say, Free sex is a free for all toilet....
OMG poor Alia............... no wonder I told my kids about sex from the day they could talk.......................... there was never that awkward talk but my friends did think it strange................... but we just treated it like a normal everyday thing
OMG poor Alia............... no wonder I told my kids about sex from the day they could talk.......................... there was never that awkward talk but my friends did think it strange................... but we just treated it like a normal everyday thing...................... But............ did I mention their still in THEARPY!!!!!!! :bounce:
I have another two months until I officially become a parent, so my opinion on this is probably worth very little. Here I go anyway...
Echoing the sentiment of the previous posters, a birds and the bees talk (is this purely American idiomatic speech? it means a talk with your kids about sex) is in order. However, I strongly disagree that positive details about adultery/fornication should be discussed unless you believe that sex before marriage is fine. There's certainly a large portion of society that views this not as a social ill (as I do, yes I know I'm a square), but as an expression of their sexual freedom.
Nothing in life is free, of course, and I think your conversation should stress the pragmatic aspects of not having sex before marriage/sex with a ridiculous number of partners in terms of unwanted pregnancy, disease, and the attending poverty that goes along with the two.
I've personally known quite a few polyamorous people and I've only met one 'couple' that seemed to pull it off. Someone always feels left out, and most people have some degree of jealousy. It's extremely difficult to share someone for a long period of time, and a polyamorous lifestyle often leads to shopping around for something better.
I beleive in sex before marriage HOWEVER not polyamorous I am certainly not sharing my Hubby................. shotgun ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We actually had a situation that I thought was total hypocrisy............. My sons ex girlfriends parents threw her out of home and told her she had to go find rental accomodation................ she came to live with us.... and we managed to get them into a rental property......... Her parents then threatened to disown her if she lived in SIN.... oh what its ok to throw your child out on the streets but not OK for that........... unbeleivable.................
I have another two months until I officially become a parent, so my opinion on this is probably worth very little. Here I go anyway...
Echoing the sentiment of the previous posters, a birds and the bees talk (is this purely American idiomatic speech? it means a talk with your kids about sex) is in order. However, I strongly disagree that positive details about adultery/fornication should be discussed unless you believe that sex before marriage is fine. There's certainly a large portion of society that views this not as a social ill (as I do, yes I know I'm a square), but as an expression of their sexual freedom.
Nothing in life is free, of course, and I think your conversation should stress the pragmatic aspects of not having sex before marriage/sex with a ridiculous number of partners in terms of unwanted pregnancy, disease, and the attending poverty that goes along with the two.
...
Really Dan- to an 8 year old- wow!
You are entitled to your beliefs and like the rest of us you are entitled to share them, however your comments above are pretty unrealistic and extreme and unbalanced.
I am walking proof that all of your comments in bold are totally wrong. I am not disease riddled, nor poor, nor pregnant.
However I would suggest that you don't do that to an 8 year old or you will run the risk of them running a mile from having any kind of future chat with you.
Alia, on a serious not- I have had these types of chats with the kids, find out their knowledge and just keep it simple, keep it light, don't do the intense sit down and have a little chat thing, this will give off the wrong vibes.
I always told my girls (and boys) that no matter what in this life I loved them and that I was always there for them if they had a problem.
I told them that I did not care if they had a green wart growing from a purple pimple stuck on a hairy mole that was growing from their 3rd nipple situated on their ass, they could always come and talk to me about it, and I would listen and be there for them. This always got a giggle, and it broke the ice. Yet they come to me and talk to me about anything that is bothering them now.
In a serious answer to your question, I would just say to your 8 yr old... "tell me what do you think it is, and where did you hear this term?"
Lead the talk from there.
I always remember the little story I read somewhere
a woman was out shopping with her child and the child saw a woman in a wheelchair...
The child asked mommy why is that woman in a wheelchair.
The mother considered all the options and answered simply- because her legs don't work.
Keep it uncluttered, keep it light.
Chances are at 8yrs old your daughter is not going to be sat in her room writing a thesis on free sex. Chances are that she has already forgotten that she asked you.
However it will re-surface at some point.
You will be fine xx hugs sis xx
What one was going to end up doing before the car ran off the road and landed in the gully?
Hombre! You stole my sentence!
Alia, I will not tell you what to say or not, all depend of your value that you want pass to your girl.
I can only suggest to keep it, like B_A say, very simple.
I still wonder what I will answer to my little one when the question will come.
Until now, the only thing that is clear for what I will told her: simple, NO LIE and no link with "sin".
You can also advise her it's something serious that must be take with precaution as it often lead car out of the road. ; )
Hombre de Maiz
18-07-12, 14:49
...
I am walking proof that all of your comments in bold are totally wrong. I am not disease riddled, nor poor, nor pregnant.
...
Were his comments not oddly reminiscent of Mas Fred's drivel?
Thats my friends, is what my just turned to 8 yo texted me.
HELP ..! I知 in panic time now. I know one day I will have to explain this to my kids along with other necessary explanations about man-woman relationship things but never thought that it will be today. I知 not ready yet ..! What can I tell her ..???
If you did not give a mobile phone to your 8 year old, which I think is too young, especially at school, then by the time she had arrived home, she would have forgotten.
ScooterIndo
18-07-12, 21:44
If you did not give a mobile phone to your 8 year old, which I think is too young, especially at school
My boys are seven and both have handphones, kids these days have all that at school,if they didnt they would be social lepers. The most "keren" hot item at the kids school now is an IPad its what all the kids aspire to apparently. i was also a bit shocked when i sat in on one of my boys classes and the teacher starts the lesson by telling the kids to silence or turn off their hanphones. Sign of the times mate.
My boys are seven and both have handphones, kids these days have all that at school,if they didnt they would be social lepers. The most "keren" hot item at the kids school now is an IPad its what all the kids aspire to apparently. i was also a bit shocked when i sat in on one of my boys classes and the teacher starts the lesson by telling the kids to silence or turn off their hanphones. Sign of the times mate.
LOL! When I was in school the hot new item was an electronic calculator, and we were forbidden from using them - especially in maths lessons... so I happen to be one of the few people who are naff at using a calculator for anything other than the most basic add, subtract, multiply calculations, I have no idea what the "m" things do.
BUT
I am shit-hot at mental arithmetic. :D
You are entitled to your beliefs and like the rest of us you are entitled to share them, however your comments above are pretty unrealistic and extreme and unbalanced.
I am walking proof that all of your comments in bold are totally wrong. I am not disease riddled, nor poor, nor pregnant.
I know someone who's walking proof that smoking is good for you. She is 91 and smoked all her life :)
LOL! When I was in school the hot new item was an electronic calculator, and we were forbidden from using them - especially in maths lessons... so I happen to be one of the few people who are naff at using a calculator for anything other than the most basic add, subtract, multiply calculations, I have no idea what the "m" things do.
BUT
I am shit-hot at mental arithmetic. :D
Yep I'm with you lol.................
I'd say wait until they reach puberty, then you tell them everything, including condom use. It'll get tough to control their sexual activities after puberty. Just say something like, "Tunggu sampe kamu udah SMP deh baru mama kasih tau". At this stage they may get disgusted of what they hear and what you say may eventually get out of the window.
Great idea, I'm trying to work out if you are being funny or you really believe that's a good idea.
Waiting until puberty is too late, and um, did you read the OP, the child is 8 and asking now.
I like all advices you guys gave me. Thank you all very very much !
I too think that if I wait until her puberty to tell her it will be too late. And I prefer she hears necessary things about man-woman relationship from me not other resources and that she can always count on me for every questions and inquiries she might have. I’m sure this is just a start, a preliminary wonders of hers, and I really need to prepare my self with a smart, wise satisfying answer but not too heavy for her understanding.
The other day she whispered on my ears : “Mommy, I want to marry Roy when I grow up.” Her dad who was there asked what was it she whispered me, and we were just giggle like we’re holding big secret. Haha.... So you know, something like this, the things that she can share with me undoubtfully is what I want her to know and trust me with.
Again, thank you all for your kind thoughtful advices. My girl says hello to you all.
10395
lol..... My youngest... was pretty sharing too......... when he first had sex he had to come and tell me........... Peter was pissed off he came to me not him hahahahaha
And YES nene chan ANNETTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
Great idea, I'm trying to work out if you are being funny or you really believe that's a good idea.
Waiting until puberty is too late, and um, did you read the OP, the child is 8 and asking now.
Find it out yourself, you seem to be very smart in reading people's mind, don't you?
My boys are seven and both have handphones, kids these days have all that at school,if they didnt they would be social lepers. The most "keren" hot item at the kids school now is an IPad its what all the kids aspire to apparently. i was also a bit shocked when i sat in on one of my boys classes and the teacher starts the lesson by telling the kids to silence or turn off their hanphones. Sign of the times mate.
My son in the UK is 15, and he had his phone taken off him at school, that was during lunch time, so 7pm hear, one of the only times I get to talk to him.
I stil think at school it is a problem, and this whole thread is about the problem caused by a handphone at school
I stil think at school it is a problem, and this whole thread is about the problem caused by a handphone at school
Actually, students in her school are not allowed to bring their cellphones. So my girl never bring her phone to school. When she texted me the other day, she was already at home, where she is free to surf internet and reading news paper. She does that. I guess thats where she found out about the words. She forgot about it now, and honestly I'm a bit relief while still trying to pluck up my courage talking about the issue with her. :smile:
LOL,,, I would just forget it for now, maybe it wont come up again. Well hopefully not for a few years.
In a serious answer to your question, I would just say to your 8 yr old... "tell me what do you think it is, and where did you hear this term?"
Lead the talk from there.
I agree. :)
Is there a thread contains of questions from a child to his/her parents or teachers about adult things in this forum? I have no idea what answers I should give to my students (6-14 yrs) if someday they ask questions like Alia's daughter's.
Believe me I have had some beauties to answer, not all from kids either... when she was alive I used to get some fascinating phone calls from my grandmother... one time I answer the phone to be asked "what is oral sex?" She had been reading articles about the Clinton/ Lewinski affair.... and it had set her a wondering ... hahaha
It has to be one of the funniest phone calls I ever had, especially her reaction to my reply... "you mean to tell me that they put THAT THERE??!! , well!!! It'll stink, the mucky buggers!!!"
hahahahahahaha
There was one asking about how lesbians have sex too, she said she could sort of figure out how gay men "did it".
This was years back and it was all good preparation for the kids that came through my doors.
kids questions include the standard ones of, "what is that discharge in my pants?" "my boyfriend wants me to have sex with him but..."
etc etc etc...
Abook looty
21-07-12, 17:20
The beauty of parenting....for some reason I remember the movie, "what to expect when expecting"....
I do think you should ask where she heard the term from, and what the general topic of the discussion was. You should definitely find out what she thinks it means. Once you have all this information, you can tailor your answer down to the level you're comfortable with. It is completely within your prerogative to tell her that you don't believe in sex before marriage, if that's really your view. Regardless of your view about extramarital sex, you should one day explain to her the relatively higher risk of unprotected sex with multiple people.
baiqnadiasyauqi
27-07-12, 13:34
SEX = Sate(satay) Enak(delicious) Xekali(sekali = very)
so say to your kid "free sex = sate enak sekali and it is FREEEEEEEE!!!! and it is use drugs. that's why it is bad"
haahahahah:becky:
Say it's something a man and a woman sometimes do when they are in love before they are married.
Free sex doesn't mean what many Indonesian's seem to think which is having sex with anyone and everyone. While some people do enjoy sleeping with many people outside of a relationship I wouldn't necessary say this is the norm for most. A large number have sex before marriage when they are in a relationship.
I think you also wrong let me make this clear free sex for Indonesian mean having sex before marriage not only with anyone and everyone
Phones in School As a teacher at several school for the last decade, I can honestly say that cell phones don't have to be a problem. Schools I've worked at have made it very clear, no mobile phones during the school day. Place them in your lockers. All phones seen or heard during the day are confiscated and must be picked up by a parent after school. Works fine. As parents and teachers, we need to learn to set boundaries, limits, and rules. Know when to say this is or isn't acceptable.
Free Sex plenty of jokes could be made, like no such thing unless you're alone in the shower, but in this case definitely not appropriate. Reading answers, I am still surprised at how scared people are of openly talking about sex. Again, ask a guiding question and let your child guide the conversation, you may be surprised by what they know and don't know.
Parents should start talking about sex sooner versus later. By 8 years old, kids already know they use separate restrooms based on gender. Around that time they already have a vague, if not clear, image of what the opposite gender's parts look like. The soon you have "sex" conversations with your children, the easier the topic becomes. Avoiding it makes it more inviting. By 12 years old, they should already know about condoms and other related topics, again, if you don't breach the subject, someone else will.
Premarital Sex in this day and time is the norm. I bet 90% plus of you posting here had sex before you were married, many of you while still in High School. Most of you have had more than one partner. Be honest about where the world is.
On the same note, Premarital and extramarital sex are two different things.
If you threat sex like a monster chained up in the basement to be avoided, your kids will have amuch bigger shock than if you teach them early. Give them knowledge to arm and defend themselves.
All this sex talk, time for a shower.
Eman
SEX = Sate(satay) Enak(delicious) Xekali(sekali = very)
so say to your kid "free sex = sate enak sekali and it is FREEEEEEEE!!!! and it is use drugs. that's why it is bad"
haahahahah:becky:
HAHAHAHA..,. Its very funny .. NOT !!
And Guangzhou, thank you very much ! :)
HAHAHAHA..,. Its very funny .. NOT !!
And Guangzhou, thank you very much ! :)
Welcome.
travellingchez
16-10-12, 13:35
I think you also wrong let me make this clear free sex for Indonesian mean having sex before marriage not only with anyone and everyone
Trust me a number of Indonesian men seem to have this assumption that free sex means a woman will sleep with just about any man that will cross her path. I was single for the first year I was in Indonesia and more than one man propositioned me presuming I'd just hop into bed with them (some even propositioned me while driving past on their clapped out motorbikes tapping the back of the seat and asking if I wanted to sleep with the creepy slimy old guy that they were). After all Bules have free sex so I must want to have sex with them too.... I think not!
naughtygab
16-10-12, 13:48
TC, IMo it's a harrasment and you are 'allowed' to give them a slap or spit on them.. I 'm sorry to hear that you have to experience it.
(some even propositioned me while driving past on their clapped out motorbikes tapping the back of the seat and asking if I wanted to sleep with the creepy slimy old guy that they were). After all Bules have free sex so I must want to have sex with them too.... I think not!
Talking with kids about sex (http://voices.yahoo.com/mom-free-sex-11822773.html?cat=25)
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