Religious upbringing of children in mixed marriages

[Niko Z.]

Many expat-Indonesian marriages involve paper conversions or professions of religious affiliation of basically atheist foreigners. I am curious what happens when the children start going to school? Those that can afford proper international schools can sometimes sidestep the issue. However, those that send their children to Nat+ or (not-so) 'international' schools have to choose a religion class for their children. This will later influence kids' worldview and circle of friends.

My wife is a Catholic who only attends Protestant church, and I am a Buddha-KTP but not an atheist. I have been looking at different religion textbooks used in the school where I work, and I have to admit I feel disturbed by some aspects of each. I don't feel comfortable with the idea that my kid will undergo one of those programs. I also feel powerless because I will have to let one or the other dogma shape her young thoughts.

I wonder how people in similar situations dealt with these issues.

Did you decide it's just not worth worrying about? Did you tell them it's just a social norm? Did you have you child circumcised or baptized just to appease a spouse or in-laws?

[jstar]

On your last questions: yes, yes and yes.

Don't like it either but it's not a big deal; also, you are the 'big diluter', right?

[mrcibubur]

The issues aroused by the Thread are with every one of us in a mixed marriage of religion. I am an Anglican Church of England Protestant yet in my life, I have married a Spanish Catholic and two Muslims. I have a Daughter in Spain who (I think) follows thew Catholic faith though she certainly did not while she lived in England as a child. My 14 year old, the one about whom I have posted regards his schooling, is a declared Christian but with open views about Christianity, attending church on Sunday mornings, there is no likelihood that Islam will influence him or that his Grandfather would assert some measure of influence (can he?) over mine.

My second Son, age five, is much more significantly affected by matters, an ex wife who has disregard for Christmas but who has long abandoned true practice of the islamic faith. He attends a catholic Kindergarten out of local convenience of location rather than because it is by choice of religion. Neither Son is circumcized, my personal views are against it.

My Baby from wife number three is also of undeclared faith - or is he? What is the law on this? I have effectively converted to Islam in order to marry this time around (it did not happen like that with the second wife because we married by civil ceremony in Uk) but I am a closset Christian. How many more people like me I pray and wonder?

Yes, there is material in the schools in religious teaching which is disturbing. What is taught about Christianity is as worrying as the stuff about islam because it is being preached rather than teached and it is that which I object to more than anything because I object to indoctrination on principle, especially to a child. Here in Indonesia, we have to accept situations like this which otherwise affect our family life to a greater degree and we have greater decisions to make than the ones I am personally experiencing for other reasons about my fourteen year old.

Those same decisions and difficulties lie ahead, of course, with my two younger Sons in the future.

I actually want my children to have a broad appraisal of all the religions but that is really hard to achieve in the average Indonesian school, Elementary or Senior High. It touches the nerve of social responsibility of every parent whether religion is their own responsbility or that of the teachers at school or even community religious leaders. What I dislike about religious 'preaching' in schools as opposed to teaching is that the teachers are simply not qualified or equipped to teach it and the children are therefore being inappropriately educated.

My Daughter was baptized in Spain many years ago as an infant I believe but none of my Sons have been baptized, nor do I have plans for them to be baptized. Images are flooding my brain of Gerard Butler as Sam Childers being baptized in 'Machine Gun Preacher'. Off topic I know but great movie for someone purporting to find God.

[travellingchez]

At the school I work at there is an option to opt out of religious studies classes. People do this for a number of reasons one being their religion/specific sect of the religion isn't taught at the school. These children just end up having a library study period once a week. Not sure how many schools have this as an option.

[atlantis]

Did you decide it's just not worth worrying about?
I believe it's worth worrying about but fighting for it is pointless, at least where I live. Religion is mandatory in Indonesia and they will have to deal with this fact if they grow up here and if they do their life here.



Did you tell them it's just a social norm?
I rarely speak about religion with them. They are 15, 8 & 3 so there is only the older one I could have a real discussion with on the matter. If one day he feels that he wants to talk to me about it, I'll be glad to explain him where I stand on religion. If not, I don't feel the need to convert him to atheism. The older one already guessed that religion wasn't my strongest concern.



Did you have you child circumcised or baptized just to appease a spouse or in-laws?
No I didn't. Before I married my wife we've made sure that the family was aware of the limits not to cross. Education of our kids is not part of the package deal. I believe that if they would be able to imagine that I simply don't believe in god, they may be alarmed. Officially I am a Kristen and they are happy with that. Once a year, in a public meeting or an acara with the family and neighbours, I make sure that I start a sentence with the magic words like "Torang, orang Kristen...etc" (Trad: We, Christians + add anything that Christians usually do like eating pork or marrying only one wife) and every body is happy with it even if neither me, my wife or my kids are seen in church. This is amazing how this kind of sentence, said in manadonese, works wonders.

[redsnapr]

...anything that Christians usually do like eating pork or marrying only one wife...

I had to (innocently) giggle reading this portion.

[Shinta]

At the school I work at there is an option to opt out of religious studies classes. People do this for a number of reasons one being their religion/specific sect of the religion isn't taught at the school. These children just end up having a library study period once a week. Not sure how many schools have this as an option.

Travell, after reading Atlantis post saying that religion is mandatory in Indonesia is surprising to read that in your school is only an option, that I think is fantastic and the best thing to do.

[Niko Z.]

On your last questions: yes, yes and yes.

Don't like it either but it's not a big deal; also, you are the 'big diluter', right?

That is true. I am not sure to what extent though.


Atlantis: No I didn't. Before I married my wife we've made sure that the family was aware of the limits not to cross.

I am on thin ice here. Before marrying my wife I had to sign a statement to the effect I wouldn't prevent my Catholic wife from providing Catholic education to the kids. That is a pre-requisite for church marriage. My wife actually prefers Protestant version and keeps an open view about religion in general, but she told me if we were ever to live in Kalimantan or Flores (where her family is from) she would immediately 'get with the program' because the pressure from her family would be too much to bear.


travellingchez

At the school I work at there is an option to opt out of religious studies classes. People do this for a number of reasons one being their religion/specific sect of the religion isn't taught at the school. These children just end up having a library study period once a week. Not sure how many schools have this as an option.



My school has this option for Hindu religion, because we only have one student of that religion. He takes his class at a local temple and they send a report once a semester.