View Full Version : Pregnant and single in Surabaya
I am an expat living in Surabaya and I think I may be pregnant. The father is Indonesian, but we are not married. Im worried about how this will be treated/handled here. Any advice? Im kind of freaking out...about everything. No idea what doctor to use to find out for sure, or what to do for pre-natal vitamins, etc. I also heard that you cant get a birth certificate without a marriage license....or that it was just recently allowed. Basically any advice or knowledge you all may have will help me tremendously!
Thanks in advance!
Hello there,
I would assume every pregnancy is a blessing, despite the circumstances, so Congratulations !
First, I suggest you to stop worry, and go see the gynecologist. I have been using the service of dr. Agus Sulistyo, SPOG in Kertajaya for both of my pregnancies and he is one fine doctor. Here's the number of his clinic 5945646, his practice time is Monday - Friday from 7 pm onwards. In the morning he will be in RS. Dr. Soetomo. His clinic completed with USG equipment so you will be able to see the progress and growth of your baby. He will also prescribe you the vitamins needed for both of you. But the down side is the queue line of his patients, you need to go there earlier to have the small number or call the nurse prior to register your coming.
There are milk especially made for pregnant women and would be good for you and your unborn child if you can find one that you like.
Feel free to pm me if you need any more info. Have a happy pregnancy..! :)
After a little research I found that you can get a birth certificate without a marriage certificate, you just have to state that it is a child out of wedlock. Unfortunately this usually means there's a line added to the birth certificate noting that the baby was born out of wedlock. However, nobody cares about that line, and it doesn't affect any legal right.
Pregnancy test kits are available from Apotiks. Before you freak out I suggest you find out for sure. The appropriate doctor is called "Dokter Kandungan" in Indonesian, you can search for it. Better yet, visit a reputable hospital (like Siloam) and ask for their recommendation, preferrably one that can speak English. The doctor will suggest (and most likely prescribe) the appropriate vitamins.
You will be fine, but I hope you have a plan on how to provide for your child.
Edit: Alia lives in Surabaya. She's an outstanding gal and she would no doubt offer support and point you in the right direction.
Missnaughty
04-01-12, 14:56
Your baby will not have Indonesian birth certificate. So don't worry about it. You must check with your embassy regarding registration birth abroad. Baby will follow your nationality.
"After a little research I found that you can get a birth certificate without a marriage certificate, you just have to state that it is a child out of wedlock. "
This applied only to Indonesian. Both my kid's registration is " Anak Di Luar Kawin". Which also means I hv no legal right to them.... Sigh
Missnaughty .. what you posted is NOT true .. of course she can get an Indonesian birth certificate for her child that is born in Indonesia .... it is the basis of application for a foreign birth certificate/passport ... !
What is more in question would be visas and passports if the father doesn't acknowledge his parentage.
Missnaughty
04-01-12, 16:55
Missnaughty .. what you posted is NOT true .. of course she can get an Indonesian birth certificate for her child that is born in Indonesia .... it is the basis of application for a foreign birth certificate/passport ... !
What is more in question would be visas and passports if the father doesn't acknowledge his parentage.
When my son was born in Pondok Indah Hospital Jakarta he got a letter from the hospital. Then with that hospital's letter we reported his birth to get his "keterangan lahir" from the registry office. This surat "keterangan lahir" is completely different with my Indonesian Birth Certificate. My Indonesian birth certificate is also proof of my Indonesian citizenship but not my son's surat keterangan lahir. With this surat keterangan lahir I applied his birth certificate from British Embassy.
I do apologize if my understanding of birth certificate is different than "surat keterangan lahir". My father doesn't have a birth certificate, therefore he had to apply surat keterangan lahir when he went to university. My mother has a birth certificate. They both look different to each other. Their purpose is the same, but they have different "kekuatan hukum" (translate please)
add : Birth certificate = Akta kelahiran
? = Surat keterangan lahir
Thanks everyone for your quick responses. This weekend will be a full week I will have been late, so I will be taking an at home test then. And if by next week if Im still late, even if the test says negative Ill make an appointment with a gynecologist. Ill check out the one you mentioned Alia! I worry about this most because I went once to the gyno and the man was very rude to me after asking me if I was married (no) then asking if I was sexually active (yes.) The appointment pretty much went downhill from there. Needless to say, Im not going back to him. Just want someone who will be understanding to my situation.
As for the birth certificate, Im pretty confused haha. Will the baby be able to have both an American certificate and an Indonesian certificate? Im ok with the line saying that its out of wedlock...if it doesnt change anything with its rights, etc, thats ok.
Ive decided that if I am indeed pregnant that I will continue living here, as I will have better means to take care of it than if I return home.
Missnaughty
04-01-12, 19:45
Thanks everyone for your quick responses. This weekend will be a full week I will have been late, so I will be taking an at home test then. And if by next week if Im still late, even if the test says negative Ill make an appointment with a gynecologist. Ill check out the one you mentioned Alia! I worry about this most because I went once to the gyno and the man was very rude to me after asking me if I was married (no) then asking if I was sexually active (yes.) The appointment pretty much went downhill from there. Needless to say, Im not going back to him. Just want someone who will be understanding to my situation.
As for the birth certificate, Im pretty confused haha. Will the baby be able to have both an American certificate and an Indonesian certificate? Im ok with the line saying that its out of wedlock...if it doesnt change anything with its rights, etc, thats ok.
Ive decided that if I am indeed pregnant that I will continue living here, as I will have better means to take care of it than if I return home.
Your baby will be able to get a birth certificate. It would be the American one. Indonesian registry office will issue "surat keterangan lahir" stated that your baby is an American and you are the only parent by law. Then you can apply passport and foreign birth certificate for your baby in the US Embassy.
So his name won't be included on the certificate? What if we want him included? Will they not allow that?
I was about to post when I spotted Misnaughty's post #9.
She is correct.
If the Indonesian father wishes to be a parent then all the better...get him to accept his duty and include the child as Indonesian.
Missnaughty
04-01-12, 19:59
Unfortunately, you have to get married to be able to include his name in the Indonesian "surat keterangan lahir". But maybe you could include father name in the American birth certificate. My Australian friend was able to register his son in the Australian Embassy without marrying his girlfriend. But I am not sure how.
Ok. He is willing to accept the child as his, but I am the one who does not want to get married as yet. Could we have his name put on the Indonesian certificate if we get married later?
Ok. He is willing to accept the child as his, but I am the one who does not want to get married as yet. Could we have his name put on the Indonesian certificate if we get married later?
At great expense and effort.
BTW - my understanding is that a child only gets one birth certificate; the country that they are born in.
Dual nationality can be applied for, ie Australian, UK or American using the Indonesian birth certificate. They can then get an American citizenship, and then a passport, but cannot get a birth certificate from a country they are not born in. (and nor do they need one). I suggest you contact your embassy for exact details and documents you need (lengthy, but straightforward) rather than reply on differing opinions here.
Missnaughty
05-01-12, 06:39
I think she is pretty clear regarding birth certificate. But her question next, can she put the father name when they get married.. LATER.
she'd be clear if you didnt obfuscate.
and I've answered that next question already.
At great expense and effort.
BTW - my understanding is that a child only gets one birth certificate; the country that they are born in.
Dual nationality can be applied for, ie Australian, UK or American using the Indonesian birth certificate. They can then get an American citizenship, and then a passport, but cannot get a birth certificate from a country they are not born in. (and nor do they need one). I suggest you contact your embassy for exact details and documents you need (lengthy, but straightforward) rather than reply on differing opinions here.
The birth of a child in a foreign country should be reported to the nearest Embassy/Consul of the parent(s).
The USA clearly defines the process in this link: http://travel.state.gov/law/family_issues/birth/birth_593.html
A 'report of the birth' is issued which is similar to a birth certificate for future citizenship purpose.
Missnaughty
05-01-12, 07:28
add: KW,
She will have the baby in Indonesia and I am explaining how it works here. Which part that you find me obfuscate? She wants to put the baby daddy's name on the birth certificate. She can't do it on the Indonesian one. Didn't I suggest her to check with her embassy, as like I said above my Australian friend can?
Missnaughty
05-01-12, 07:31
You know what KW,.. I take your red bricks as a compliment.. you are still dreaming about me, arent you?... :typing:
Yes, but you are explaining incorrectly.You keep talking about the Surat Keterangan kelahiran, as far as I understand it that is the hospital or doctors report that the baby was born, a fathers name does not go on it and it is not a birth certificate. However, it is used in to obtain a birth certificate. The akta kelahiran is the birth certificate and is issued by the pencatatan sipil.
Missnaughty
05-01-12, 08:28
My Indonesian birth certificate is also proof of my Indonesian citizenship but not my son's birth certificate
That is what I am referring to. Please correct me if I am wrong, can someone apply for passport just using the birth certificate issued by country he was born without reporting his birth and attain foreign birth certificate?
add : sorry KW, you are right it is not Surat Keterangan Lahir it is Birth Certificate
You cannot gain a foreign birth certificate for a country you were not born in. You can gain a certificate of an overseas birth and or a report of a birth, those documents become the basis for obtaining a foreign passport and citizenship.
slimboyfat
05-01-12, 13:38
MY son Holds Russian Birth Certificate (born there) , and a Document of registration of the Birth within the district of the British Consul General IN St Petersburg Russia , the latter forming & documenting his claim to Britiah nationality and the basis of his qualification for UK passport. I would check with the relevant consulate for your case.
SBF
Unfortunately, you have to get married to be able to include his name in the Indonesian "surat keterangan lahir". But maybe you could include father name in the American birth certificate. My Australian friend was able to register his son in the Australian Embassy without marrying his girlfriend. But I am not sure how.
No you do not. Although the process varies from district to district , An “out of wedlock” child can have the fathers name on the birth certificate, a child born outside of a marriage between the woman who is giving birth to the child with a man who caused her pregnancy. The legal parentage of the child may or may not be admitted by the father. To establish that legal relationship with the father, Indonesian law requires an admission, referred to as “pengakuan”, where the father admits that the child is in fact his child. It should be registered with the Civil Registry by recording the child’s birth in the birth certificate registry or in a separate deed of civil registry or even written in a notary deed. Also you can have the fathers name put on the Surat Keterangan Lahir from the hospital where the child was delivered. Then register that with Catatan Sipil and beleive it or not when registering the hospital certificate the presence of parents is not required. Presence of the child/infant, however, is required. Some may ask for the marriage certificate and some may not but it is not impossible to have the fathers name on the birth certificate.
benederlof
05-01-12, 14:29
Possum if he is a responsible and educated person there is nothing wrong to get married and share the responsibilities, however, if he is a beachbum than you are better off raising the child by yourselves. Hate to be blunt, but I know a couple of them in the states.
Ok. He is willing to accept the child as his, but I am the one who does not want to get married as yet. Could we have his name put on the Indonesian certificate if we get married later?
Possum if he is a responsible and educated person there is nothing wrong to get married and share the responsibilities, however, if he is a balinese beachbum than you are better off raising the child by yourselves. Hate to be blunt, but I know a couple of them in the states.
Luckily for me he is responsible and educated, and a great guy overall. Its just that we broke up before the Holidays...and I dont want to get married solely on me being pregnant. Thankfully he's not just a Beach Boy :)
Possum if he is a responsible and educated person there is nothing wrong to get married and share the responsibilities, however, if he is a balinese beachbum than you are better off raising the child by yourselves. Hate to be blunt, but I know a couple of them in the states.
Would it be better for her if he were a beachbum from somewhere else, Ben? I think i know what you mean but that comment was not only unfair to Balinese guys who hangout at the beach but also is a little demeaning to the OP...
benederlof
05-01-12, 22:57
We were talking about indonesia, that is why I mentioned Bali cgk. Also I recently saw a documentary on RT (Russian TV) about balinese beach boys, the documentary was called "Balinese kowboys. with a "K", where they readily admitted to attempt to bag foreign girls, not just bules.
Some of them had indonesian wives, and they tell the wives that they had to work the beach, and their wives didn't mind as long as they bring home the money, so they sure are not hanging out at the beach as we know it.
Furthermore, we know such a guy in Reno, I don't like to go in details but he is shunned by the whole indonesian community.
As for the record I have a very low opinion of beachbums from whatever country they are from, may it be Brazil or any of the Carribean Islands.
If the OP thought it demeaning, I apologize.
Would it be better for her if he were a beachbum from somewhere else, Ben? I think i know what you mean but that comment was not only unfair to Balinese guys who hangout at the beach but also is a little demeaning to the OP...
I knew exactly what you meant by your comment, wasnt offended. Ive seen the guys youre talking about first hand. Not all guys that work on the beach are like that....but a good lot of them are. So no offense taken. And like I said, luckily, the father isnt one of those guys! :)
Taking a test in the morning...and no matter the results Im going to the doctor Tuesday night. Thanks again for everyones responses. Any other advice on pregnancy in general? Especially in Indonesia?
benederlof
06-01-12, 11:08
I can't give you any advice on pregnancies, I am a guy, but I am very happy for you. I am a product of a mixed marriage myself father dutch, mother indonesian. Good luck possum and post a picture of the baby when he/she has arrived.
I knew exactly what you meant by your comment, wasnt offended. Ive seen the guys youre talking about first hand. Not all guys that work on the beach are like that....but a good lot of them are. So no offense taken. And like I said, luckily, the father isnt one of those guys! :)
Taking a test in the morning...and no matter the results Im going to the doctor Tuesday night. Thanks again for everyones responses. Any other advice on pregnancy in general? Especially in Indonesia?
Never been pregnant so can't share anything, but I wish you all the best on your journey, possum.
Ben, thanks for clarifying. I know you mean well but intentions don't always follow into writings...
ponyexpress
06-01-12, 11:57
I knew exactly what you meant by your comment, wasnt offended. Ive seen the guys youre talking about first hand. Not all guys that work on the beach are like that....but a good lot of them are. So no offense taken. And like I said, luckily, the father isnt one of those guys! :)
Taking a test in the morning...and no matter the results Im going to the doctor Tuesday night. Thanks again for everyones responses. Any other advice on pregnancy in general? Especially in Indonesia?
Alia might be able to help as she is a mother of two children. But the bad habit of smoking in the country won't help much with your morning sickness.
Thanks Pony, and Injun too for your kind words.
Possum and I have been corresponding about doctors and pregnancy thing here in Surabaya.
I hope what I know can be useful for her and she'll be doing just fine.
Just take care of your health Possum, try to avoid the worst street foods and anything uncooked.
Possum, you're not by any chance, a relationship division that went out with local singer, aight ?Either ways, all the best on the pregnancy...
Possum, you're not by any chance, a relationship division that went out with local singer, aight ?Either ways, all the best on the pregnancy...
Local singer? He's not one as far as I know ;) No, we broke up because he had to move. Thanks again for everyones advice! Keep it coming lol! I have no idea what Im doing!
I smoke, but Im already cutting back with plans to quit completely. And already trying to get more fruits and veggies into my diet.
I really cant say enough how much I appreciate you all and your help! :) :)
Smoking is a definite no-no for pregnant women. You need to quit when you find out for sure. Well, just quit regardless.
Smoking is a definite no-no for pregnant women. You need to quit when you find out for sure. Well, just quit regardless.
You would think so, wouldnt you ?
My sister recently had a baby, and she was a heavy smoker, her doctor advised her that she might be better drastically reducing her smoking rather than trying to quit outright. (the effects of the withdrawal would have been worse)
You would think so, wouldnt you ? My sister recently had a baby, and she was a heavy smoker, her doctor advised her that she might be better drastically reducing her smoking rather than trying to quit outright. (the effects of the withdrawal would have been worse)It makes sense if she's a heavy smoker (2-3 packs a day) and total withdrawal would cause her to go psycho. The hormones alone are sometimes enough to push a pregnant woman close to the edge, so it doesn't need to be compounded with drastic nicotine withdrawal. Still, it's better to be on nicotine patch or gum than to suck in all those carcinogens from tobacco.
I wouldnt disagree with that, either.
Puspawarna
07-01-12, 09:36
Taking a test in the morning...
...any news? I have my fingers crossed for whatever outcome you are hoping for.
...any news? I have my fingers crossed for whatever outcome you are hoping for.
HPT was negative today. Still going to the doctor next week to be sure. Let's just say the women in my family have bad luck with false negatives. I just want to be sure before I resume drinking, etc. I'll be honest, Im also a little disappointed. I guess in trying to get used to the idea...I kind of got my hopes up as well. Thanks again everyone. Ill post when I know the results from the doctor.
Puspawarna
07-01-12, 14:57
Sounds like you are being wise ... and you are right, don't drink again until you are SURE!!! you aren't pregnant.
Anyway, a planned baby is probably a little easier than an unplanned/unexpected one, so it shouldn't be the end of the world if you aren't pregnant after all. You can still PLAN to get pregnant in the future ... working on achieving that goal can be lots of fun. :)
Good news in the long run though. Being a single mum aint easy.
Thanks everyone. Yeah youre all probably right...would be better if planned. But still kinda sad. But Ill wait and see what the doctor says first before getting upset and/or being relieved lol
But thanks again for all the kind words, support, and advice!
ponyexpress
07-01-12, 17:13
That's a bit relief. At least you don't hurry yourself to plan things. Hope things are going well.
Dear Possum67 , The sweet ladies on this forum will not steer you wrong and will stand by you all the way, I to consider a baby a blessing under any circumstance , Don't freak --- it won't help ,,, listen to the doctor's , Is the father helping you with the added expense and other things (Supportive) ?? " take care for two " Lv. Bv
Dear Possum67 , The sweet ladies on this forum will not steer you wrong and will stand by you all the way, I to consider a baby a blessing under any circumstance , Don't freak --- it won't help ,,, listen to the doctor's , Is the father helping you with the added expense and other things (Supportive) ?? " take care for two " Lv. Bv
Thanks! I consider them a blessing too, so if I am preggo I will be fine and happy with it. :) Still kind of freaking haha but mostly about financial etc. The dad doesnt make enough really to help with anything, but he's being a good guy and offering all the support he can if I am. :)
Doctor tonight. Hopefully Ill have the results of the blood test soon. Anyone know how long the results take to get back? Ive heard everything from 2 hours to 2 days.
Missnaughty
10-01-12, 15:17
You should be able to get reliable result from home pregnancy test after 10 days late.
Puspawarna
10-01-12, 15:39
You should be able to get reliable result from home pregnancy test after 10 days late.
1. Possum67 has already taken a home pregnancy test.
2. An EPT is usually reliable 7-10 days after conception. Therefore, assuming one has a regular 28-day cycle, one can take the test and get reliable results the first day one's period is late.
Yeesh.
Yeah Ive already taken an HPT. I was 6 days late at the time. My cycle is kind of weird - normally 31-33 days long. Im skeptical of my results for 2 reasons: 1- the women in my family have a history of low HCG levels until farther along into the pregnancy. and 2- without going into too much detail, I had 2 false negative HPT tests a few years ago. I dont know if low HCG levels are genetic, but it seems that way with me and my family anyway.
So basically waiting until tonight for the doc results.
Puspawarna
10-01-12, 17:05
Good luck! Let us know what the doctor says. You now have a whole lot of potential "e-godparents" waiting for news.
I was curious about the medical end of things and just found this link - it certainly suggests that false negatives (both for the home test and even a blood test) are far from unheard of: http://pregnant.thebump.com/getting-pregnant/fertility-ovulation/qa/false-negative-on-pregnancy-tests.aspx
Well I am officially not pregnant. :/ No signs as to why Im so late, either. Thanks again for everyone's advice and support! Very much appreciated!
Puspawarna
11-01-12, 07:05
Thanks for the quick update. Take care of yourself and be on the lookout for other pregnancy symptoms, just in case. And it can't hurt to keep up the good health habits, at least for a while. It does seem like a false negative is possible even with a blood test. And assuming that you aren't pregnant, it sounds like your body is saying it's too stressed, or something. Either way, your efforts to eat more fruits and vegetables and smoke less are great and worth continuing.
No signs as to why Im so late, either.
Stress, tiredness, diet to name a few.
Stress, tiredness, diet to name a few.
Probably "D: All of the above"
The doctor mentioned I might have high levels of estrogen too, which, apparently my mother always has as well. Who knows for sure though lol. Just happy that the ultrasounds all looked normal :)
Ohh... possum67...
We almost have same experience...
(Im indonesian my bf europe) if you see to the doctor (obsetry and gynecology spesialist) at first nurse will ask you some quetion like, what your husband name? When u wre maried? What kind of contraception do u got? etc
If you said that you are not married, nurse will STARE at you!!
(thts freaky quetion of me)
My bf ever said, he want to be a father, and would be happy if im being pregnant (but we are not maried)
i said to him, if having baby in indonesia, its should be in marriage. If not, baby will be illegal (hahah) for citizenship and got birth certificate, so its should have to be in marriage.
But... its verry complicated bureaucracy in here for being married, more over married different citizen AND different religius..
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