Shed Some Light

[PrettyLady]

:noidea:Hi,
My husband has recently been seconded to a company in Jakarta and I will be joining him at the end of the year. We are moving over from Australia. My 9 year old son is current there with him and my father in law is helping to keep an eye on him until I arrive. I have recently posted a request for a helper to assist in general house work and cooking. We do not require a live in helper. The feedback I got from my husband is that every time he mentions that I am not in Jakarta yet, the helper seems to then retreat and inform him that they already have another interview. This is just a discussion over the phone with the helper as my husband wanted to lay the cards straight so that there will be no surprises for the helper. Is there a cultural issue for a helper to come in daily to assist with housework and cooking without the lady of the house being present? Could someone please shed some light here? Thanking you in advance.:help:

[Mas Fred]

A couple of things could be doing it.
1) A lot of lasses from the villages won't want to alone with a man. It's considered unseemly and I think it may also be illegal for a woman to alone with a man.
(Requires checking)
2) The cooking requirement may be a problem. Most here are not that familiar with western cooking.
3) Your husband may be scaring them. I don't mean he comes over as a raving sex maniac but he may be acting too western with the confidence that is normal in the west. That will scare the hell out of many of the young lasses that work as maids.

[atlantis]

:noidea:Hi,
My husband has recently been seconded to a company in Jakarta and I will be joining him at the end of the year. We are moving over from Australia. My 9 year old son is current there with him and my father in law is helping to keep an eye on him until I arrive. I have recently posted a request for a helper to assist in general house work and cooking. We do not require a live in helper. The feedback I got from my husband is that every time he mentions that I am not in Jakarta yet, the helper seems to then retreat and inform him that they already have another interview. This is just a discussion over the phone with the helper as my husband wanted to lay the cards straight so that there will be no surprises for the helper. Is there a cultural issue for a helper to come in daily to assist with housework and cooking without the lady of the house being present? Could someone please shed some light here? Thanking you in advance.:help:
I believe that some maids would feel unconfortable working for a "single" man, being afraid of eventual gossips. Hopefully not all of them are like that, but some indonesian women would feel unconfortable being seen around a single man.

To give you a few funny examples:
- my mother in law is close to 60 y.o and I am 40. Still if I have to drive her anywhere with my car and my wife not accompanying us, she will seat in the back, open the window and eventually bring my two years old daughter along with us. She would simply feel uncomfortable otherwise. I swear that I am not a pervert and that I've always been very respectful with my MIL.
- I sometimes have to pick up/drop off some female staffs of my wife. They are four, young and pretty. We always had a very casual and friendly relationship with nothing personal involved. But if they have to go with me (and without my wife) in the car, they get all 4 stuck in the back and no-one dare to be seen in the front seat. As soon as we are back to our compound, then they relax.

[gffgold]

I am single and have a female maid who lives out. She is married, which might make a difference, but I have never had a sense that she feels uncomfortable with me in the house. I'm not a youngster.

[atlantis]

Gosh... must be my perfume then...
OP... Is your husband using Xeryus Rouge de Givenchy?

[Gratilla]

I am not a pervert ...

Shades of Richard Nixon. <hoho hehe hoho>

<Think I'll ban myself for a few days.>

[Alia]

Shades of Richard Nixon. <hoho hehe hoho>

<Think I'll ban myself for a few days.>

Hahaha.. Very funny Grat..!

[Alia]

PrettyLady, I know its difficult situation you got there. Its kinda culture here, just like Fred and Atlantis have written, most female workers for household would feel uncomfortable to work without the lady of the house. Shy, worry, uncomfortable of being alone just with the man of the house mostly the reason for them. But some would be ok, just like Gffgold's. Nothing could be done, but to find the right one, the one who don't feel like what have been said. And you're doing right by telling them in advance about the condition.

I wish you good luck with finding the right person.. :)

[Puspawarna]

Definitely a cultural thing. Last year our household had two maids, a guard, and a driver. I had to travel a lot, meaning that my husband and my then-11-year-old son were there "alone" with the maids. The mother of one of the maids asked if it was okay if she spent the night whenever I was traveling, so that people in the neighborhood wouldn't talk.

Kind makes you want to slap everyone involved with a wet fish, but ... that's the way it is, sometimes.

There are plenty of single guys here, though, who manage to have maids. Your husband might have better luck if he specifies that he only wants an older woman (this could be phrased in terms of wanting someone with many years experience).

[PrettyLady]

Hi,
A big thank you to Mas Fred, atlantis, gffgold, Gratilla, Alia and Puspawarna for sharing your insights, comments, feedback and not forgetting the laughs. I have populated them and forwarded to my husband for his notation. Looks like not moving to Jakarta would no longer be an available option for me if my husband cannot find a helper soon. :decision:

[kingwilly]

.

There are plenty of single guys here, though, who manage to have maids. Your husband might have better luck if he specifies that he only wants an older woman (this could be phrased in terms of wanting someone with many years experience).

That's a good way of saying what I was going to suggest....